Negative engagement: will it ever end?

[Depression = 72% of members]

To briefly summarize my situation (a lot of detail in my other threads):

UpwN/BPDstbxW

I had a long term affair

D-day July 8

Eight police calls

Threats, violence, chaos... .

Things have [mostly] calmed down.  Temporary orders in place.  I get the boys three nights after work and most of the day Sunday.  No overnights... .

Her parents still have a "crazy-making" dynamic, which I am realizing is negative engagement - decades later... .This was what was modeled for her.

She had stated that she still loves me, even WANTS to forgive me at times.  She says we will never reconcile.

Almost daily, if not multiple times per day, I get something.  An email, a wedding picture, a link to a news article about a married couple in their 90s, repeated references to the affair and my not saying the "one word" that would have prevented all of this.

This continues.  Because of the police records, an "almost arrest" (her) for DV, and the twisting of words where if I ever respond she emails me to stop harassing her, I have had little success involving the police.

She continues to call several mornings or evenings per week to read me the riot act.

She continues to threaten to expose everything to family, friends, employer.

Will it ever stop?  How can I get to a point where it stops eating at me?

[jmrslc]

To briefly summarize my situation (a lot of detail in my other threads):

UpwN/BPDstbxW

I had a long term affair

D-day July 8

Eight police calls

Threats, violence, chaos... .

Things have [mostly] calmed down.  Temporary orders in place.  I get the boys three nights after work and most of the day Sunday.  No overnights... .

Her parents still have a "crazy-making" dynamic, which I am realizing is negative engagement - decades later... .This was what was modeled for her.

She had stated that she still loves me, even WANTS to forgive me at times.  She says we will never reconcile.

Almost daily, if not multiple times per day, I get something.  An email, a wedding picture, a link to a news article about a married couple in their 90s, repeated references to the affair and my not saying the "one word" that would have prevented all of this.

This continues.  Because of the police records, an "almost arrest" (her) for DV, and the twisting of words where if I ever respond she emails me to stop harassing her, I have had little success involving the police.

She continues to call several mornings or evenings per week to read me the riot act.

She continues to threaten to expose everything to family, friends, employer.

Will it ever stop?  How can I get to a point where it stops eating at me?

[jmrslc]

Not sure if anyone has any feedback, but I am really interested on thoughts on this.  I have asked her repeatedly in text to stop reaching out to me unless it is about the boys.  I did the same in email, and I stopped answering her calls.  I followed this up with multiple "please stop" replies when she sent other things over.  I am not sure what else to do.  If I do answer a call, I will start by asking if it is about the boys.  If it isn't, I will politely let her know that I am not willing to talk about it over the phone... .

-J

[HarmKrakow]

Is there anyone else involved, who knows the both of you, who can intervene? And let her know what you think of her?

Is there anyone who can contain her?

[marbleloser]

 Do you have an attorney? You need to get the temp orders changed asap before status quo is establised.

Do not engage with her but do keep all texts and phone logs.

Get the police notes for her almost being arrested for DV.Now!

You're in for a battle and you need to regroup and start thinking and planning to win.

[Take2]

Having gone through pretty scary times with my ex, on top of going to therapy, I also went to a Domestic Violence Counsel at a Family Shelter.  I wasn't even married to my ex, nor do I have any kids with him, but his threats escalated to a very bad place a few months ago.  And the thing that everyone told me - was NO contact.  NO responses to anything they throw at you.  Text or email her to NOT CONTACT you EVER AGAIN.  And then stick to it.  Do not respond back to her.  If it's necessary to communicate because of the children, do so as minimally as possible and keep all interaction totally p.c.   And yes - save ALL texts and emails from her.

Report it to the police - over and over. 

I can't even say I've succeeded navigating thru the minefield - i work with my ex.  It still goes up and down.

Last week was back to downright unbelievable harrassment.  So it sounds like per your last post that you are doing the right things - just stand firm on it.  Try to keep all communication via text or email so you have your responses documented.  They say it will get worse before it gets better... .  but you can make it through the storm... .and yes, get a lawyer involved if you haven't already done so. 

Good luck to you... .keep us posted on how things go... .