I am the sister of someone with BPD

[Dogwoody]

I am the sister of someone with BPD.

We are both aged in our mid-sixties. I am the elder by two years.

We do not live near each other, but in two different countries.

Our father is deceased but our mother is well and thriving at the age of nearly 87.

My sister has a long history of mental illness, including paranoid schizophrenia, and substance abuse, in this case, alcohol. She has become progressively more able to cope and was even able to maintain a paid job for some years.

She is now in recovery from the alcohol abuse.

As you can imagine, the history of all this is complex and I certainly cannot claim to understand it.

Here is what I would like from this group: just a bit of feedback on practical situations. Obviously, the decisions are always mine to make.

[Prayingmom_2013]

Hi,

I just joined this site today as well.

I just want to encourage you as you deal with the negatives of your sister's illness. It can be so difficult for family members of thosee with BPD.

Although I joined because of my daughter and her BPD, I now believe that my grandmother and sister, both deceased, also had I diagnosed BPD.

Here is my introduction:

My husband and I adopted our daughter, who is now 22. We brought her home at 4 days old.

We had a semi open adoption and had the knowledge that there was mental health illness, drug and alcohol abuse , criminal activity in her biological mother's maternal family. We naively thought that was due to their lifestyle.

The first 10 years with our daughter were happy ones. We felt bonded to her.  She was a happy, loving and much loved child.

About 6 th grade her personality started to change. We had her evaluated by a psychiatrist. She was diagnosed with ADHD and Cyclothymic Disorder. In the next few years she went on to be diagnosed with Hashimoto's  Disease (thyroid), Benign Rolandic Epilepsy ( which she outgrew), Borderline Personality Disorder, and depression.

She has struggled with drug and alcohol abuse and promiscuity. She has been fired from every job she has had, even the job  she claimed to like the most and we hated the most, as an exotic dancer.

She has been in and out of our home since graduating high school. 

She is not consistent with taking her medications or going to therapy.

At present is she home with us under the conditions that she takes her medications and see her counselor. She also agreed to allow her dad and I to come to her sessions sporadically to help us form reasonable boundaries in our home so we can live peaceably together.

I don't want to keep following the same pattern  of getting so frustrated that we have a blow up with her and kick her out. Or she gets mad and she moves out with the first guy who offers a home to her.

She goes out several times a week to party, often staying out all night.

I feel this is not a positive step to her making healthy changes in her life. It is bad for her health, emotional and physically. When she goes out, sometimes for a couple of days, she usually doesn't take her medicine either.

I also resent providing her with a home and support when she is hurting herself in that way.  I feel we are being used as a place for her to be comfortable in while she continues her partying.

She does not work and balks at looking for a job as she says she is too stressed/fragile emotionally to work. I want to know if she is truly incapable of working or could she be working. I am frustrated that she has won casino money and been given large sums of money by guys and , though I am happy she has paid some $$ on her cell bill, college loan, and some things her dog needed, the rest she has blown through, never offering to even spring for a pizza to help with groceries at home.

She frequently forgets to do the very simple, basic few chores I ask her to do in our home and is verbally abusive to me when I express my frustration with her.

My husband and I have always had to work hard and be financially shrewd to have the simple, but comfortable home and life we have.

While we are willing to support our daughter if she is trying to help herself,  we resent what feels to us as being taking advantage of and we know that enabling her is not healthy for any of us.

I also appreciate any positive feedback.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello Dogwoody,



I want to welcome you to this site. Your life struggling to help your sister and to understand her beahviors must have been a mixture of sad and frustrating. You have found a good place to share and to look for resources.

I see you are finding your way around this site and have found the board that will best fit your needs: [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw. The senior members there will be happy to offer support and advice.

Welcome again, and please feel free to keep posting. There are also good articles, videos and workshops on this site that are really helpful in trying to understand what is going on with our BPD love ones.

[Dogwoody]

I am not able to navigate this website effectively. Thank you to Prayingmom_2013 for her reply to my introductory posting. My heart goes out to her.

[pessim-optimist]

So sorry you are having trouble navigating Dogwoody. What seems to be the trouble?

Let us know, we are here to help.

[Dogwoody]

Hi Pessim-Optimist,

I am starting to get the hang of navigating the site, just takes some practice.

[pessim-optimist]

Hi Pessim-Optimist,

I am starting to get the hang of navigating the site, just takes some practice.

It's good to hear that you are getting the hang of it. You are right, it does take some practice.

If you have any problems, feel free to ask, people here are very friendly, and will be happy to help you out.