Movie for kids to see BPD/NPD behaviour and start a conversation

[Forward2free]

It was unexpected, but in the first 5 minutes of the Disney movie Tangled, we were given an inside seat as the witch-mom berates Rapunzel in true Narcissistic/BPD fashion. I was triggered just watching the film with my kids and it made me feel very uncomfortable.

I tried to use it as a lesson with my kids to tell them that it wasn't ok etc. Witch-mom is said some mean and nasty things to Rapunzel and it's not ok to speak to someone like that. I asked them what should Rapunzel have done? I explained boundaries to them - unfortunately Rapunzel didn't ever set a boundary and was willing to sacrifice her life to make her witch-mom happy and save her love interest Eugene, yikes. We don't want to be like Rapunzel.

I hope their dad doesn't treat them like that (like he treated me), but now I have a movie to reference... .

In witch-mom's mind, Rapunzel exists only to meet her selfish needs and she will control Rapunzel for as long as it suits her.

Rapunzel believes that her mom is perfect and truly loves her, but it was all about witch-mom. Insults disguised as compliments, conditional love, keeping her "child" close because the world is bad, treating her "child" as a possession.

Emotional manipulations galore.

Some "highlights": fear of abandonment; alternating between idealization and devaluation; unstable self-image; unstable mood; uncontrolled anger; playing the victim card; threats; conditions; gaslighting; splitting and probably more!

This is not a movie to leave on to entertain the kids in your absence. The last thing you want is for them to think this is normal behaviour!

If you haven't seen it, maybe consider watching it with your kids. It is a movie we'll watch over and over and keep talking about it.

I found a great article that goes into more detail here about the movie Tangled against BPD symptoms and examples from the film www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2010/12/disney-and-the-dsm-iv-could-new-villain-have-BPD/

[sanemom]

I wish that movie would work with our kids.  BPD mom is so sweet to our kids but then absolutely nasty to DH via emails so the kids seem to have NO clue about the witch behavior.  Or they don't link it or something.  I know they have seen their mom be ugly to one of her other exes... .they report these malicious things she does to an ex like it is funny.

My DD15 who has seen the kids come home "all hyped up on mommy juice" (as she calls it) sees the manipulation (mom will suddenly start buying them tons of stuff), laments how the kids will ignore her after one of THOSE weekends with their mom, and flat out asked me today if their mom had a personality disorder.  Apparently, she was reading a textbook, and she thought their mom fit the characteristics very well.  I was stunned at the question and wasn't sure how to answer so I said, "Clearly, something is going on."  But I think she read right through that.

[Forward2free]

I wish that movie would work with our kids.  BPD mom is so sweet to our kids but then absolutely nasty to DH via emails so the kids seem to have NO clue about the witch behavior.  Or they don't link it or something.  I know they have seen their mom be ugly to one of her other exes... .they report these malicious things she does to an ex like it is funny.

My DD15 who has seen the kids come home "all hyped up on mommy juice" (as she calls it) sees the manipulation (mom will suddenly start buying them tons of stuff), laments how the kids will ignore her after one of THOSE weekends with their mom, and flat out asked me today if their mom had a personality disorder.  Apparently, she was reading a textbook, and she thought their mom fit the characteristics very well.  I was stunned at the question and wasn't sure how to answer so I said, "Clearly, something is going on."  But I think she read right through that.

There's a section in the movie where the witch-mom get's ingredients for a soup for Rapunzel and brings them to her as a gift. Rapunzel wants to tell her something exciting, and witch-mom rages about Rapunzel not being grateful and demands she stops talking about the perceived threat. She then blames Rapunzel for making her look so mean. (In a nutshell)

My daughter 8 recognised the behaviour and said that witch-mom doesn't get to be mean just because she bought a present, and that Rapunzel wasn't to blame. She saw that witch-mom caused the fight and had it on her own and only bought the gift because she wanted Rapunzel to stay in the tower.

BPD/Nxh buys lots of gifts for D8 and S6 and in the last year she is getting wiser about the gifts and sees them as unnecessary - she knows he is buying love and told the family report writer as much. S6 thinks they're awesome and can't understand why gifts every time he sees dad isn't a problem. I mean, what 6 year old wouldn't love new toys every 2 weeks.

Unfortunately, the high from gift giving is normal - that's why normal folk save it for birthday's, Christmas and other special occasions. It has gotten to the point where my son doesn't appreciate much and is spoilt by BPD/Nxh and cries when I don't buy him stuff. I sometimes get sucked in and buy things, but I don't want to be in the game.