Hazard of my job

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am a social worker and have been for 29 years I am 58 years old and I am in a serious relationship in which my boyfriends sister  has Bp and also has MS. We are talking about a future together. My boyfriend is solely responsible for her care . As there is no one else in her life because she has alienated everyone because of her behavior .I have done so much to help her and have become a care taker . And as typical she is the most difficult person I have had to deal with. I am struggling with staying in the relationship with my boyfriend. we will be retiring in the next year. I know Her Ms will deteriorate as will her BP . Care taking is what I do for a living and have knowledge in dealing with Bp so my boyfriends relies on me a lot. However he has difficulty setting boundaries and we are different in our approach with his sister . Our arguments are always about his sister . We never argue about anything else.I love this man but not sure I want to take on this role at my age . I am in counseling to deal with his sister I have asked t him to go to counseling he is dragging his feet. I realize I am playing the rescuer role. I am now trying to take a step back  as I am so stressed out about the situation. I am trying to fiqured out my role here if any. 

[Becky J]

I am a social worker and have been for 29 years I am 58 years old and I am in a serious relationship in which my boyfriends sister  has Bp and also has MS. We are talking about a future together. My boyfriend is solely responsible for her care . As there is no one else in her life because she has alienated everyone because of her behavior .I have done so much to help her and have become a care taker . And as typical she is the most difficult person I have had to deal with. I am struggling with staying in the relationship with my boyfriend. we will be retiring in the next year. I know Her Ms will deteriorate as will her BP . Care taking is what I do for a living and have knowledge in dealing with Bp so my boyfriends relies on me a lot. However he has difficulty setting boundaries and we are different in our approach with his sister . Our arguments are always about his sister . We never argue about anything else.I love this man but not sure I want to take on this role at my age . I am in counseling to deal with his sister I have asked t him to go to counseling he is dragging his feet. I realize I am playing the rescuer role. I am now trying to take a step back  as I am so stressed out about the situation. I am trying to fiqured out my role here if any. 

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Becky 3,

Welcome!   It's understandable that you're concerned about the future, considering what's happening with your boyfriend and his sister. That sounds like a difficult situation. Having an in-law with BPD can be very difficult.

Do you and your boyfriend have anyone who can help you? Although you're a caretaker by profession, I'd imagine it's hard being a caretaker for an in-law with multiple health issues and BPD. What support do you have for yourselves?

When you say you're taking a step back, what does that mean? What would you like to have happen from here?

You've found the right place for support. Everyone here has a relationship with someone with BPD (my mother has it) and we understand how difficult it can be to take care of someone with the disorder. Please keep posting--it does help. 

-GG