very alone inside

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

this is the feeling that use to make me pray for her to come back, now its the feeling that makes me pray i never hear from her again.

just typing this makes me cry a little. wow i wish i would have walked away from this so long ago.

[simplyasiam]

this is the feeling that use to make me pray for her to come back, now its the feeling that makes me pray i never hear from her again.

just typing this makes me cry a little. wow i wish i would have walked away from this so long ago.

[Waifed]

this is the feeling that use to make me pray for her to come back, now its the feeling that makes me pray i never hear from her again.

just typing this makes me cry a little. wow i wish i would have walked away from this so long ago.

It's OK to cry . Let the tears flow... .

[simplyasiam]

i use to cry for now i cry for me, as i admit to myself how bad i was treated, i feel use and i dont like this feeling

[hopealways]

I know exactly what you mean. I do sense my own healing, as you are, but God do I feel alone sometimes and wonder... .just wonder about everything.

[simplyasiam]

i wonder too. i built this home for her and her kids every tree in the yard i planted for them now i have to find some use for it all

[bpdspell]

Cry it out.

The only way out of the pain is through. There is healing on the other side of feeling your pain. Repressing is what keeps us stuck in rumination and wanting back idealization.

You aren't alone in this feeling and you will survive this.

Post on here when you need to reach out.

Whenever I had a good cry I'd feel five years younger. It takes practice to handle the avalanche of emotion but you will feel better. Shedding tears are a gift of catharsis.

Spell

[Century2012]

Kisses and hugs. Be well. The intense connection in the relationship makes the disconnect hole in your heart feel so intense. It does take time to heal. But it will.

[emotionaholic]

I am right there with you.  Your not the only one who built a house for your now exBPD.  Mine sits 75% done and empty.  Its just hard to muster up the motivation to continue.  Call a friend or take a long power walk.  That is what helps me the most.  Stay strong.  Its been 4 months NC for me and I get to pass her in traffic every day, I now just look away.  But it does get better.

[Ironmanrises]

I know the feeling... .

Of feeling alone.

I know exactly how you guys... .

Are feeling.

Since I have secluded myself... .

From my close friends.

It has intensified.

It is a crushing feeling.

It hurts.

But then... .

I remember... .

How utterly... .

Alone... .

I felt... .

In devaluation... .

Especially... .

In round 2... .

Which makes this alone feeling... .

A little less... .

Lonely.

Not a cure... .

I know... .

But it is a difference.

I am alone... .

In my company.

With her... .

I was alone... .

With inbound missiles.

Waves of them.

All coming from her... .

And no one... .

Could hear me scream.

My screams... .

Are echoed in my... .

Recurring nightmares.

A reminder... .

Of the hell... .

I was in.

Hang in there.

All of you.

[Traumatized]

I feel totally alone right now and am in the worst emotional pain I've ever been in my life.  I have  been praying that she will come back into my life SOON!  That she will take away all my emptiness, loneliness and pain. I have been crying hysyerically on and off throughout the day... .EVERYDAY! It's as though I was on life support and the oxygen tube has been removed from my mouth.  I am gasping for air.  Literally dying.  Lost in space and in a total panic.

[Ironmanrises]

Badly... .


I know the pain you feel.

I felt that too.

If/when your ex returns... .

She will hurt you again.

And it will hurt you... .

Even more.

Trust me... .

You dont want her... .

To return.

She will only cause you further pain.

You are not alone Badly.

You are here... .

With us.

We understand you.


Look to your horizon... .

See that gold and red glint... .

Of metal... .

Tumbling towards earth... .

Thats me.

I see you.

You are not lost in space.

[DragoN]

simplyasiam

wow i wish i would have walked away from this so long ago.

After years on the BPD drug, and it's a sweet drug. It feels so good, but when you crash? It's hell. And then you get another hit. But it's not ever as good as the first hit. And you hope it gets better, the next time. But, it doesn't. It's only the crumbs to tide you over, for a while. But then you crash again. Get painted black, pushed and pulled into a shredded rope of despair. And then another little hit, a little hope. And again. Till there's nothing left of you.

 Find yourSelf and take care of the core. It's the only way out.

[hopealways]

I know how hard it must be to look at a house you built for the BPDex, now she is gone and the house is a constant reminder of her. But try to look at it in a different light: YOU HAVE COMPASSION to do such a generous and amazing thing.  Be proud and grateful of that fact. She does NOT have that and never can. It is almost like a disability or even worse.  When someone doesn't have an arm, at least they can use the other arm or get a prosthetic. Your BPDex is incapable of LOVE. Zero. Nothing and never.

I look at your generosity and admire it, as I should.  She had no concept of admiring such a beautiful act.  Stay away from people who have no concept.

[Traumatized]

Thanks IMF... .and I do I see your red and gold off in the distance.  My jetpack had malfunctioned and I drifted into a black hole.  That's been happening a lot to me lately.

[maxen]

  everyone on this thread  

Badly:

I feel totally alone right now and am in the worst emotional pain I've ever been in my life. ... .It's as though I was on life support and the oxygen tube has been removed from my mouth.  I am gasping for air.  Literally dying.

where you are now, i was three months ago. i felt my mind cracking. talk to friends, talk to a therapist, talk to a GP, talk to us here, cry, embrace yourself.

[hopealways]

simplyasiam

wow i wish i would have walked away from this so long ago.

After years on the BPD drug, and it's a sweet drug. It feels so good, but when you crash? It's hell. And then you get another hit. But it's not ever as good as the first hit. And you hope it gets better, the next time. But, it doesn't. It's only the crumbs to tide you over, for a while. But then you crash again. Get painted black, pushed and pulled into a shredded rope of despair. And then another little hit, a little hope. And again. Till there's nothing left of you.

 Find yourSelf and take care of the core. It's the only way out.

In Bold is the key to healing. Most of us nons have never taken care of the core, of our self. We have always tried to please others.  Focus on yourself for once. That is not to say be selfish, not at all.  But self reflect, feel, grow, love-yourself.

[DownandOut]

On so many days, all I want to do is cry. But I can't. Something inside of me blocks me from crying and I would do anything to let go of this pent up emotion. I have a T, but it's once a week and I'm not capable of controlling the millions of thoughts that go through my mind on a daily basis so I need to talk about it more. My friends are done with this, my family is done with this and I want to be done with this! But I'm not. I am trying to grieve but it is impossible to grieve without crying and I just cant do it. It's tormenting me.

[DragoN]

When I think about the good times... .I  :'( . They were quite a long time ago. But they were really nice. Then the rotten memories comes back, and the tears stop. And do it again. Best I can come up with. Took me a very long time to find the tears.