Confessions from a real BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I just spoke to a close female friend of mine who admitted for the first time that she is also BPD. WOW! Now all her broken relationships she talked about for the past 5 years started to make sense to me.  Here are some insights she gave me into the mind of the BPD, all of which are confirmed by the nons on this forum:

1. She has never been in love.

2. She seduces men she feels she can dominate.

3. She has fits of rage that are totally irrational.

4. If a guy ignores her, she likes to make him suffer to punish him.

5. If a guy DARES to stand up to her and call her out on her B.S. and leave her, she will respect him for it tremendously, but it takes her a long time to recover from it.  She would rather wait it out for him to contact her so she can dump him/hurt him again.

6. She needs to have the last word in the relationship.

7. She can not have closure in a relationship because she wants to know she still has emotional control over her victim.

8. The only reason she is not promiscuous is because she is very religious.

9. She is impulsive.

10. She NEVER gets back with a guy to try to work on things because she cannot - it is always to hurt him again.

and the most important thing I learned:

SHE ADMITS THAT SHE CANNOT CHANGE.

[hopealways]

I just spoke to a close female friend of mine who admitted for the first time that she is also BPD. WOW! Now all her broken relationships she talked about for the past 5 years started to make sense to me.  Here are some insights she gave me into the mind of the BPD, all of which are confirmed by the nons on this forum:

1. She has never been in love.

2. She seduces men she feels she can dominate.

3. She has fits of rage that are totally irrational.

4. If a guy ignores her, she likes to make him suffer to punish him.

5. If a guy DARES to stand up to her and call her out on her B.S. and leave her, she will respect him for it tremendously, but it takes her a long time to recover from it.  She would rather wait it out for him to contact her so she can dump him/hurt him again.

6. She needs to have the last word in the relationship.

7. She can not have closure in a relationship because she wants to know she still has emotional control over her victim.

8. The only reason she is not promiscuous is because she is very religious.

9. She is impulsive.

10. She NEVER gets back with a guy to try to work on things because she cannot - it is always to hurt him again.

and the most important thing I learned:

SHE ADMITS THAT SHE CANNOT CHANGE.

[Ironmanrises]

Maddening... .

Saddening... .

And destructive... .

Beyond words.

[DragoN]

Remind me why psych evaluations aren't mandatory across the population and that the information is not made public knowledge to spare the rest of us the agony of learning it the hard way.

[Ironmanrises]

Hope... .

Have you ever... .

Gone on that pyschforum.com website... .

For BPD sufferers... .?

If you havent... .

A glimpse... .

On there... .

And you will see... .

The stark contrast... .

Between what is posted... .

On there... .

And here.

[hopealways]

Seriously, I have gone through life, higher education, numerous relationships, and I NOW discover that yes some people out there have a mental illness called BPD which drives us nons INSANE and is NOT TREATABLE so STAY AWAY.

How come neither my parents nor any of my friends ever warned me about this? Would have saved me a LOT of headache.

When I have kids I will teach them about BPD the same day as I teach them about the birds and the bees.

[hopealways]

Ironman I have not, and probably shouldn't since I am comfortable with this forum.  What is the contrast that you see with the other one? Is this better for healing?

[momtara]

I'd like to believe it's not the same for everyone.  But who knows.

I think the men are different in certain respects from the woman.  I've never seen a BPD man talk about these things, tho.

[hopealways]

It does seem like there is some difference between the male and female BPD but overall they are quite similar and predictable.

[Ironmanrises]

Dont... .

It will trigger.

The stark contrast... .

Is at least from what i read... .

Was... .

There was hardly no empathy... .

Exhibited... .

By the BPD sufferers... .

Who would post on there.

You see... .

How in here... .

We actually... .

Try and understand... .

Why the pwBPD acts... .

A certain way... .

And what not.

On that forum... .

There was none of that... .

Concerning... .

That kind of thinking... .

Towards the nonBPD.

It was mostly... .

How they feel about themselves.

Which is sad... .

Ultimately.

No self reflection... .

On their actions.

[crazytrain2]

I think there are varying degrees and this is very enlightening!

However... .careful careful... .I'm going to find a post from another person with BPD traits or actually is afflicted with the criteria and mmm... .

Your friend sounds like she has some co-morbid Narc traits. Id NPD co exists and especially if it is the predominant 'lean'... the cocktail will be different.

I'm going to find the letter to the Non written by a Bpd person and I think it kind of falls in the spectrum of the inner chaos.

[hopealways]

Wow, that IS a stark contrast.

I am actually quite proud of my friends on this forum because I see they are trying to heal with the self reflection and recognize the core issue of lack of self love which must be addressed.

Thanks for letting me know it could trigger, I def won't be going there.

But what my friend admitted to me was rare - the BPD rarely talks about their illness because it means they must admit they have it.  At first she said her ex fiance "suspected" she might me BPD, then she said he gave her a book about it (which she read), then she broke down and admitted she actually was BPD.

She is an AMAZING friend, but AWFUL in relationships, a total BPD disaster, textbook style.  I always wondered why she terrorized these men, now I know.  I told her I now wonder if I love her as a friend because she is truly loveable or because she is BPD!

[Surnia]

I would second crazytrains post:

Not all BPD are the same, there is a wide range of traits and how strong they are, some persons are able to make changes and I see some N traits too in the list.

[FogLight]

I would take statements like this with a grain of salt, considering they're coming from a person with a disorder which features a lack of identity and impaired ability to self reflect.  Honestly, it just sounds like narcissism, like she's projecting an image.  Then again, she could be telling the truth, and might not even realize it.  Either way, that's a list of 10 red flags no matter how ya slice it.

[hopealways]

Right I was just listing some of the traits of herself she mentioned she has.

[GreenMango]

BPD is treatable.  But likened it to a person with alcoholism - it happens when they want it to or sometimes never.

Sounds like she's fine with the way things are going.  It's not a bog enough problem ... .yet.

Here's the thing about treatment if you read the clinical info.  The most severe cases that present with life threatening issues - addictions, self harm, suicide - are the usually the ones that get treated.  Those severe issues tend to lessen the most over time.

The rest of the interpersonal/identity stuff - it can be functional in the everyday sense and those thought/behavior issues are the most difficult to address. Those entrenched beliefs and conduct take years of dedicated work if the person even wants to address it.  It really only makes the person a difficult person to have a healthy "prosocial" relationship.  Those few traits can generate a lot of anguish in a relationship.  Many people leave perpetuating the abandonment script.

This person is your friend?

There's a huge lesson when people reveal thoughts like this.  They say a lot about how they treat others.