A hope for DD16 - Today is intervention day

[Parents! Get help here!]

Awesome news! And I agree, it sounds like your DD is starting come around. I hope I'm as lucky with mine. 

[raytamtay3]

Awesome news! And I agree, it sounds like your DD is starting come around. I hope I'm as lucky with mine. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear Crumblingdad

I just found this post and read the whole thing mostly with tears rolling down my face... . what a battle you have fought on behalf of your dd... . I wanted to wish your family well... . things have come so far for you all. Thank you for sharing your journey

[qcarolr]

Hoping with you for a good visit. Sounds like a good plan to stay and do the IOP and sober living. She does have to take responsibility in a structured environment to continue to move forward. What is the plan if she has a major setback in the outpatient program -- ie. plan B  to get her back into plan A?

qcr

[Phoenix.Rising]

Sending positive thoughts your way, Crumblingdad.

[crumblingdad]

The visit almost 2 weeks ago went fantastic.  Our dd is as regulated as I've ever seen her.  Had a great family therapy session with her and she's truly committed to sobriety and anxious to transition into a sober living but being very realistic that she has more work to do.  Brought me out to their horses that they use for equine therapy as well as a pig they take care of.  She said she'd never participate in equine therapy and hated horses prior to going but now speaks of one like it's her best friend and discusses the relationship they've developed.

Such an uplifting visit.

Got the word today that her mothers visit this last weekend went really well also and when I return this weekend they will be doing her "intensive" with me and her which is basically a day we spend where she reads her 10 biggest lies from prior to RTC and a autobiography she wrote along with spelling out the details of her discharge plan to sober living.  She passed her GED in their CT facility and just got accepted to a local community college so will be doing intensive outpatient, some college classes and sober living hopefully before February is over.

So glad we didn't put her in a longer term facility and that Newport has been so accommodating and inclusive of the family and our opinions and thoughts on her recovery to work at it as a team approach like they have.   

They also said this weekend I'll be doing an equine therapy session with her and afterward they are going to schedule me to take her off campus for an AA meeting and we can go to dinner!  This will be the first time our DD has been allowed off campus since her brief visit to detention center on October 29th and the transport to Newport on Nov 1st.

Trying not to get overly excited as still a lot of transition and work to do and trying to live in the moment but whoosh could cry with joy over the last 2-3 weeks.

[MammaMia]

Crumblingdad

THAT IS AWESOME!

[Rapt Reader]

Oh, crumblingdad 

I'm so very happy to hear about your daughter's progress!

It's wonderful to see it, feel it, and love it as you do.

You, she and your family deserve it. What good news tonight!

Thanks for letting us know 

[mggt]

Dear Crumblingdad .  WOOHOO so happy for you

[Someday . . .]

I am so incredibly happy for you and your daughter!  It's amazing how things how turned a full 180. . and I agree that the facility has done a fantastic job of getting your daughter on board with her treatment. 

May I offer one piece of advice from someone who has gone through a similar situation?  Try, try, try, to continue treatment (that doesn't mean for her to stay in the facility forever, it means support such as DBT therapy/therapist )for as long as possible.   In my/our situation once there was a very short lull in my dd25's treatment and it did not take long at all for things to begin a slow descent back to where she was.

In the meantime, I am ecstatic that things have improved to the place they are now!

[crumblingdad]

Someday - I agree and Newport puts them into an intensive outpatient program which is why she transferred to California from CT facility since the resources for outpatient are more extensive out there.  They generally want the "transition" with outpatient and sober living to last 18-36 months so it's not a short term thing.  Seems I remember them pointing out that relapse rates drop from 95%  into single digits for those that stay in outpatient and sober living for at least 2 years.  And as much resources there are around OC and LA it's also a very large area for an addict to get swallowed up into the Hollywood homeless street kid population if a relapse occurred so the next steps will be critical in the necessary treatment to keep  her focused and on track.

But yes just about 90 days ago our dd17 informed me had she not gone to detention centre that week she was planning suicide and told me details of how she planned to steal her dealers stash and shoot heroin into her neck.  So simply a miracle in my eyes from complete deregulation and detoxing in juvenile detention center and being shackled into court to even the opportunity at a life. 

I give her 100% of the credit as she is doing this with such an incredible amount of hard work and perseverance.

[raytamtay3]

Yet another poster who gives me hope! Awesome news! 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

once again I have tears in my eyes... . so happy to read your post.

[peaceplease]

crunblingdad,

I just read this entire thread, and I am so happy that your dd is really progressing.  God bless you for all of your perseverance!   You have done all that you can.  Great job!

Kudos to your dd!

peaceplease

. 

[crumblingdad]

Well the visit this weekend went relatively well with only one real snag.  Friday we did her "intensive" which involved her reading her 10 biggest lies, 10 consequences she's faced due to her addictions.  She also read her autobiography but felt she needed to skip details of her rape because she didn't feel I could handle it.

It was an emotional session Friday but nothing I hadn't known already or wasn't prepared for.

This morning which was many hours ago we started the day doing an equine therapy session which was great.  she's truly connected with one of the horses (a once wild mustang that was captured and  is the wilder of their two horses for equine).  They had us connect as one to do some stuff with the horse which was an interesting project and then process how it went after which gave some insight into our relationship and the work on continuing to build on issues we've worked on as well as trust.

After that we had a pass for her to leave the RTC and went to tour a potential sober living - This didn't go so well. The lady showing us said they have no beds for 30-60 days and our DD feels that once intensive is done it's typically 7-10 days and no way is she waiting another month.  She got pretty upset and asked to leave so she didn't end up being rude.  Which that was great progress for her as although she couldn't process possibility of being in RTC for another 30 days she communicated her emotions rather then flipping out.  We then drove up to LA and on the way she was upset and feeling there would be no other options and wanted to just come home.  I said no and she ended up calling one of the staff from the RTC who immediately was able to calm her. 

She asked we go drive through Skid Row and said she wanted to see it so she could be humbled and remind herself of how lucky she is to be where she's at right now.  I agreed and she got very sad and spoke of how she'd like to help all the homeless people there (nearly crying).  I explained she could help many if she stays sober and puts her energy in productive causes.  She said "I know" and smiled.  Grabbed a bite to eat and got her hair colored at a salon and then went back.  I'll be returning next weekend for a family weekend there and hopefully will have some different sober living options lined up.

All in all she's progressing well and has come so far yet there are still some clear challenges and obstacles and plenty of hard work still ahead.

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi Crumbling,

It is so wonderful that your daughter has made such huge progress.  Look at her being told no and not falling apart.  Her reaction was extremely reasonable and spot-on.  I'd be mad too if someone told me I was going to have to spend another 30 days where I didn't want to be.  She spoke up for herself without being rude.  Thanks so much for sharing your story!

-crazed

[jellibeans]

dear crumblingdad

What a journey! I am happy to hear your dd is doing well. Thank you for sharing your story.

Can I just add that I read one of the articles here that warned about making too big of a deal about improvements... . I think this is the article

Family Guidelines

I hope I am not raining on your parade but I do think it is important to be supportive but realize what your dd limitations are... . I do think sometimes when we see improvement there is the tendacy to think they are cured or doing fanstatic... . think they can sense that and something that can cause set backs or relapses. I hope that is not the case for your dd and she conintues to improve.

[P.F.Change]

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