A conversation with my BPD this morning.

[nevermore]

My mother: "I hate weekends and holidays.  On holidays everybody is celebrating and happy and I am just home alone."

Me:  "We celebrate every holiday at my house with the whole family and you are always here."

My mother "But when I leave I go home alone."

Me:  "Would you stay over if I asked you to?"

My mother:  "No."  "I also hate mountains and oceans."

I know a lot of you have talked about how negative your BPD is.  This conversation really summed up what I have tried to describe.  I am sure she has told endless people that she is home alone on holidays but as you can read she isn't.  She comes to my house and sits off in a corner and glares at everyone.  Later she complains because no one was including her in conversation.  Just thought I would share.  Similar experiences anyone?

[Sasha026]

I didn't know that my mother went to your house for the holidays. I had exactly the same conversation time and time again - it was like a broken record. Your mother sounds like a real pill.

I remember giving my mother an 80th birthday party. (I did it when she was 81 because the year she was 80 I spit up blood and had to go to the hospital - she was annoyed at that and labeled me a bad daughter to her friends.) This was in 2005. I spent nearly $3,000 on this party, including a nice cash gift so that she could get herself another sofa. She did exactly the same thing that your mother did. Stayed on the deck and watched everyone have a good time in the pool. She just stood there, all alone - watching. My cousin and his wife came and do you think she would talk to them? Nope. I blew up balloons, decorated the house (painted the dining room and installed the rest of the molding - I was in the process of remodeling the kitchen at the time) - and fixed up the whole house for her. We also took her to dinner the day after and gave her the card with the cash. The day of the party, I made all of her favorite foods, had a beautiful cake made, my cousin brought her gifts and she still sat there and moped. To put a pall on the party, she whispered to me, "The eye doctor thinks I have a brain tumor. Don't tell anyone." What fun! I had what is called a $3,000 lead balloon on my hands. She was miserable. We ended up having a fight and drove her home. I could have used that money on my kitchen, but instead I gave it to her. What a mistake.

Time and time again, we went through the same scene. I would go all out to please her (sometimes even making it a game to see just how much I could give her to get a better reaction) and all I got was this miserable look and a fight. One time (this story is something), we drove all the way to her house (a three hour drive), brought her a big TV, installed it, drove her back to our house, took her to St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC for Christmas Mass, took her out to dinner and gave her more gifts. This woman made out like a bandit... .what was my reward? She called me a lazy whore who couldn't make anything of myself.  Right in front of my ten year old son. She also started a load of dark laundry and put bleach in it. It was all my husband's clothes. She expected me to thank her for helping out.

Nevermore, there's no winning with them. They want to be miserable and make you feel guilty. You will never get a thank you. They will never join in on the conversation (unless it's about how miserable they are), smile, give you a hug, thank you for a lovely time, appreciate all the time you spent trying to please them. You get nothing back - like a black hole. It absorbs everything around it and gives back nothing. It's never enough and they won't even remember you on their death bed. You are there to serve and obey.

Boy, do I sound jaded. I guess I am. The motto of the story is, ":)on't cast pearls before swine."

[nevermore]

To cap off a daily whine about how she can barely afford to live and she doesn't feel good (doesn't feel bad either, just not good) she called to say she is off for a day of gambling.  Ah yes, the only thing in life that brings her joy. If you are no contact I hope you think longer and harder about changing that than I did.  Major regrets here.

[Deb]

My dBPD sister would have to show major changes for me to even consider it. But first, she would have to be down on her proverbial knees, begging forgiveness from her 2 oldest daughters.

[Sasha026]

To cap off a daily whine about how she can barely afford to live and she doesn't feel good (doesn't feel bad either, just not good) she called to say she is off for a day of gambling.  Ah yes, the only thing in life that brings her joy. If you are no contact I hope you think longer and harder about changing that than I did.  Major regrets here.

My mother died on 2/20/13. I'm here hashing out the memories that still effect my daily life. They don't go away. I guess it's like a deep rut in the road, I still fall into the behavior that she instilled in me.

Little by little, it's fading but it will always be my "first response".

[WiseMind]

These stories sound so familiar!

My uBPD mother likes to gossip negatively about anyone and anything. Talk about sucking the life out of a room or a conversation. She does not ask anyone about anything going on in their lives because it would make her jealous, because she is actually a miserable and sad person.

My mom is a big fan of saying 'I hate _____.' There is no gray area at all, just love or hate. :/

-WM