Having a giggle at myself :)

[laelle]

Since my split from my exbf 8 months ago, I have taken a very slow and sometimes lonely road to recovery.  I decided to not date as my current situation makes it difficult, as well as I saw the same problems flaring up with me that propagated my seriously considering a relationship with someone who demeaned and humiliated me when I did take a few stabs at dating.  (how is that for a run on sentence  )

I also have a relationship with my ex husband that was never fully dealt with because I allowed exbf to get in the middle of it.  I am dealing with that now.  I had to mention those things so you can see where I am at emotionally considering romantic relationships.

Ok, on to the giggle... .

So I added a few people on to my facebook while I took those few stabs at dating.  I added one guy whom I knew was only out for a good time,  but he proclaimed differently.  (we all know the type)

Well, I posted another picture of myself of facebook, and I have to say, I look pretty good in it... .  This person IMMEDIATELY messages me (after no conversation for 3 months) and tells me all about his trip to Dubai (he is a pilot)  Then he tells me that he has another week off and doesnt know what to do with it "hint, hint"

I told him that I saw his pictures of his trip to Dubai and that I was very happy that he had a great time.  I told him that I could not help him much on what to do during the rest of his vaction, as I spend most of my time playing video games and going to french classes.

******Silence...      I just love having at brain these days... .

[fromheeltoheal]

You reminded me of something laelle.  I was getting frustrated with online dating, a whole lot of work with minimal results it seemed, and women kept telling me it wasn't because they were being rude, it was because they just got too many darn responses.  So to see for myself, I created a profile as a woman, and posted some pics of some random pretty girl, a little sketchy I realize, but so what.  I got 37 responses in less than 24 hours!  Yikes!  Men and women have different issues with online dating, clearly.

Anyway, it's OK to be out for a good time, as long as we're not lying about it.  If both folks want the same thing and they're up front about it, everyone's happy.  Wish that was the case with my borderline ex, but hey, live and learn.

[laelle]

For the first time in my life I am complete without a man.  I have cared too much about what other people (men) think about me, and I let their opinions define me.

Sure, it is fantastic to have a complement, who doesn't love that, but I know not to idealize it... . it is a nice complement, I can take it as such, and move on.  I have great group of friends and family surrounding me, and I trust them.  Trust is a HUGE issue for me right now.

I know what you mean about dating websites, as I had many offers, but you have to consider the quality of those offers.  I dont like being a piece of meat in a meat market so I gave it up quickly.  It is a reasonable and fast way to meet someone, but it is not for me.  I would prefer to meet someone with common interests first and get to know them prior to having a romantic interest for them.  I know that is maybe high expectations on my part as we live in a fast, super internet speed society these days, but I do not move at that pace.  Believe me, I have tried to move faster.

Don't fret too much about the dating website thing, women have the advantage of more offers, but they have to weed through alot more rubbish.  Just beware of those from Russia who are looking for a good man to marry them... . 

 Laelle

[Surnia]

He laelle,

good to hear from you again. You did such a great job here as Ambie... .

and I can relate so much:

For the first time in my life I am complete without a man.  I have cared too much about what other people (men) think about me, and I let their opinions define me.

its so great to enjoy life with myself. First building a rs to myself, than friends, interests.

And than perhaps... .

The pilot to Dubai made me grin. 

[laelle]

Hey Surnia,

It is good to talk to you again as well.

I am never far away.  I am always hiding somewhere 

If it was not for this website and the love and support of the people here, I would not have a clue what happened in my relationship, and would probably would still be clinging to the words he

said when we met, and the words he said during the last conversation we had.  I would still be taking the blame for HIS actions, and feeling guilty that I could have done more.

I did enough... .over

 Laelle

[fromheeltoheal]

For the first time in my life I am complete without a man.  

WooHoo!

I know what you mean about dating websites, as I had many offers, but you have to consider the quality of those offers.  I dont like being a piece of meat in a meat market so I gave it up quickly.  It is a reasonable and fast way to meet someone, but it is not for me.  I would prefer to meet someone with common interests first and get to know them prior to having a romantic interest for them.  I know that is maybe high expectations on my part as we live in a fast, super internet speed society these days, but I do not move at that pace.  Believe me, I have tried to move faster.

I'm not a fan either.  I've met a few nice gals, but you're right, online dating attempts to speed things up, on par with seemingly everything these days, and there are no shortcuts to building real relationships based on trust and respect.  Those take time, there's no was around it, and if we don't have time, make it, because what else matters?

[laelle]

For the first time in my life I am complete without a man.  

WooHoo!

I know what you mean about dating websites, as I had many offers, but you have to consider the quality of those offers.  I dont like being a piece of meat in a meat market so I gave it up quickly.  It is a reasonable and fast way to meet someone, but it is not for me.  I would prefer to meet someone with common interests first and get to know them prior to having a romantic interest for them.  I know that is maybe high expectations on my part as we live in a fast, super internet speed society these days, but I do not move at that pace.  Believe me, I have tried to move faster.

I'm not a fan either.  I've met a few nice gals, but you're right, online dating attempts to speed things up, on par with seemingly everything these days, and there are no shortcuts to building real relationships based on trust and respect.  Those take time, there's no was around it, and if we don't have time, make it, because what else matters?

Heck, I wasnt implying that there was anything wrong with doing it, I was only explaining that the stress of a relationship based on a dating website is different than one formed through common interests so you shouldn't feel bad if your experience is less than perfect.

[fromheeltoheal]

Heck, I wasnt implying that there was anything wrong with doing it, I was only explaining that the stress of a relationship based on a dating website is different than one formed through common interests so you shouldn't feel bad if your experience is less than perfect.

I didn't think you were, but it is wrong for me, it seems inorganic and somewhat fictional, and once I develop a relationship online, then on the phone, and then finally meeting them in person, it seems like starting over again.  In fact, my borderline ex and I started our relationship on Facebook, and she was the perfect cybergirl, and the person I met in person was somebody else.  But I went there anyway. 

I've suddenly become a fan of coffee shoppes and markets... .

[laelle]

Yes, she must have been the perfect cyber girl... . She can hide her dysfunctional thinking and obsessiveness over the internet.