Hello

[lostatsea]

Hi there I am new to the site, I have a sister who I am pretty sure has BPD. She is unable to have a normal relationship with anyone in our family, she treats my mother so badly that is makes me absolutely hate her. My mother is always trying to help her, we all are. The help is accepted and then she is vile again. We all love her dearly and never turn our back on her, but she is wearing everyone down, we had a weekend away together and my mother had to try to keep her seperate from the rest of us (myself, my husband and our kids) as her aggression and mood swings are not something you would want children to witness. She is an talented, intelligent and articulate and can me kind but her good attributes seemed to be for strangers and acquaintances only, as soon as people become close to her she breaks them.

In away I hope she has BPD otherwise she is just a very cruel and difficult person.

Sorry to be so negative, but we have had a very trying time recently

I suppose I am looking for a way to learn to deal with her and to help my mother deal with her. She will always be a part of our lives but we need a healthier way of communicating.

[peaceplease]

lostatsea,

.   I am sorry that you are feeling so angry about you sister's behaviors.  I can certainly understand how frustrated you must feel after she has accepted help and turns mean again.  You will find that many here understand what you are feeling, and find much support.  I know this site has certainly helped me immensely.

No apologies needed for being negative.   We are here to listen!

I suggest to read  all that you can about BPD.  We have a very informative site.  You will find much information from the home page there are articles, videos  with the article, resource links.

First here is a link describing BPD:  Video-What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Another one is about conflict.  You can substitute your sister for the word "partner".  Video-Tools to Reduce Conflict with a person suffering from BPD

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Link for relative board:[L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw Board


Let me know if there is anything else you need.  You can post on the Board link when you are ready. 

I wish you peace.

peaceplease

[lostatsea]

Thank you so much, it is so nice to have found somewhere where people understand, hopefully my mum will sign up too, I think it would be really helpful if we both learn how to get through our relationship with my sister. It is really my mum who struggles more I think she is racked with guilt  as she loves my sister but can't bear to be around her and for a mother to admit that about her daughter (even if she is nearly 40) it makes her feel terrible.

Thank you again

Best regards

Jessica

[Dogwoody]

Lostatsea,

I give you a special welcome to this site because I too have a suffering sister. In my case, my sister has diagnosed BPD, together with PTSD and paranoia. She is now in recovery from about 35 years of alcohol abuse. In her late teens and early 20s she had paranoid schizophrenia. I remember how horrible she used to be to our mother, and how disturbing that was for me. She has now moved away from that particular behavior. My special welcome is also because, like you, I am a newbie and have only just discovered this website, which is full of helpful information.