Divorcing, miserable and alone

[Depression = 72% of members]

my uBPDh initiated divorce on the day of my Domestic Violence hearing.

He has since switched lawyers and he is trying to come across as the victim.

This hurts so much because I am the victim.  And, because I don't want him to get upset and take things out on our d8 and s5 I have let him have the kids when he wants them.

I just want him to leave our lives.  I am sick of him taking his anger at me out on the kids.

He has not supported me in any way for over a year and I feel so alone.

Friends have been wonderful - but I lost my husband and only the people here can truly understand.

[Mcgddss]

my uBPDh initiated divorce on the day of my Domestic Violence hearing.

He has since switched lawyers and he is trying to come across as the victim.

This hurts so much because I am the victim.  And, because I don't want him to get upset and take things out on our d8 and s5 I have let him have the kids when he wants them.

I just want him to leave our lives.  I am sick of him taking his anger at me out on the kids.

He has not supported me in any way for over a year and I feel so alone.

Friends have been wonderful - but I lost my husband and only the people here can truly understand.

[Baylor218]

i wish i can lessen your pain.  i am new to this site but for what it's, i know how your feeling and i bet almost everyone else on this site does too.  try and find a lawyer who you can trust so you can make sound decisions.  appeasement wont help and will probably me more harmful in the long run.  i have received good advice from people here and have gotten recommendations on reading material that have really helped. best of luck

[samthewiss]

Your pain is real. That means you are healthy. He seems not to be.

A friend suggested i read the book: Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. It really helped me understand myself and my exSO unhealthy actions and what areas i needed strengthening in.

It gets better

Hugs 

[DragoN]

Mcggdds

I know this must be hurting like hell and then some. Please remember though DV, gets worse over time. Much worse. And the verbal. emotional and psychological abuse takes its toll on you as well. The children are also being harmed even he doesn't lift a finger to them, they see and hear it all.

Him divorcing you, is a good thing. You will not wonder in the back of your mind, Did I make a mistake? He initiated.

Keep your friends and family close and hold on. It's a rough ride. It will be ok, but it takes time. If you can find therapy in the mean time, please do. It's very helpful to keep grounded.

Alone? Or Lonely? They are not the same. Don't know about you, I prefer alone in my own company, than lonely in the same space with my husband because he chooses to be nasty and vulgar.

[Mcgddss]

Dragon - thank you for your reminder about alone vs. lonely.  I just read today about the difference between feeling sad and being sad.

It helps to be reminded that the fact that I am feeling is normal.  There is so much going on in this divorce that it is hard to know which way is up most days.  So glad I have this board to connect with others who " know"

[Lucky Jim]

Hi mcg, as hard as things are right now for you, I view it as a positive that your D is underway.  Of course your Ex is portraying himself as the victim, because those w/BPD have little or no ability to accept responsibility for their actions, so on some level it is necessary to make the Non the bad guy in the situation.  You're not the bad guy, believe me, so keep reminding yourself of that.  As DragoN says, it's a rough ride and takes time, but at the end of the day you are moving towards a much happier life, so hang in there.  Lucky Jim

[Mcgddss]

Thanks Lucky Jim - in the busy rush of this new life  I have been forgetting to check in here - will no longer make that mistake - the support of this group is amazing - and it helps so much to hear this is "typical" for BPD.