why i've been posting lately

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

i feel like there's a deeper root to it... .

maybe because i didnt get the job i was hoping for,

maybe cause i have some extra free time

maybe cause i'm feeling a bit lonely at times

maybe cause i just feel like feeling bad for myself

i'm starting to believe its mainly that there's been this feeling of a void of sorts created recently in my life, and that is the cause of the emotions i'm going through... .

i believe for me, it can be easy to feel bad for myself, or go into a sadness of some kind, just because it's easy and provides an excuse to get away with things - in not being as productive as i should... .

and so the mind forms a sort of rolling snowball of different reasons to get me there.

maybe in reality, my ex has nothing to do with it, nor does her new love,  or even the fact that i'm not where i want to be in my life... .

but what i'm getting at, is maybe at what point am i creating these ideas in my head to get to that point of sadness and  overall just confusing my mind... .

just some thoughts

[fakename]

i feel like there's a deeper root to it... .

maybe because i didnt get the job i was hoping for,

maybe cause i have some extra free time

maybe cause i'm feeling a bit lonely at times

maybe cause i just feel like feeling bad for myself

i'm starting to believe its mainly that there's been this feeling of a void of sorts created recently in my life, and that is the cause of the emotions i'm going through... .

i believe for me, it can be easy to feel bad for myself, or go into a sadness of some kind, just because it's easy and provides an excuse to get away with things - in not being as productive as i should... .

and so the mind forms a sort of rolling snowball of different reasons to get me there.

maybe in reality, my ex has nothing to do with it, nor does her new love,  or even the fact that i'm not where i want to be in my life... .

but what i'm getting at, is maybe at what point am i creating these ideas in my head to get to that point of sadness and  overall just confusing my mind... .

just some thoughts

[Accepting]

I post most when I slip from a place of peace and strength and find myself upset or thinking of him. I read what others are experiencing and then feel less alone in this. I can be feeling much resolve and happy then something brings him to mind and I post here to alleviate wanting to reach out to him.

[eyvindr]

Hi fakename,

I don't know if you really need to have much more of a reason to post aside from feeling that, by doing so, it may help you. And, you never know -- it might help someone else, too.

At what point do you think you're creating ideas in your head to get to that point of sadness? Does it help you at all to do that, or does it just cause you confusion? The latter sounds similar to ruminating. The nature of BPD makes it a catch-22 when it comes to "figuring it out." I think I've come closer to accepting that I just can't do it -- my brain and emotions work in such a completely different way than a pwBPD. It's like a double-edged sword -- I feel like the more I understand about the illness, the less I understand about why those suffering with it can't recognize it and seek out help -- and why treatment so often doesn't help.

What I keep learning about the double-edged sword is only that it's sharp, and I keep getting cut.

Hang in there.

e.

[fromheeltoheal]

I find there a a million ways to distract myself and/or outrun my feelings and it's been very difficult to not do that and just sit with them.  It's also been difficult to sit with a negative feeling and just sit with it, not make a judgement that it's wrong or try and fix it.  Just sit with it.  

Those periods teach me who I am, the feeling gets replaced by another one when it's run its course, and in the end I end up feeling more grounded.  Had I been grounded when I met my borderline I never would have gone down that path to begin with, then again, I wouldn't have gotten to this place as fast without the pain she shared with me.

Be strong.  Chill.  Feel.

[fakename]

hey guys, thanks for the notes... .

@accepting,

i know i've went through a period when i would post for that exact reason. however, i cant be sure if thats why i'm posting now or if its just that i'm using her as a reason to post, in that maybe i needed a reason to feel down and my experience with her serves that up perfectly... .

@eyvindr,

i think youre right in that i'm overthinking things... .it does help to post, and i dont think i need to look any further into it than that? sometimes i'm unsure what i need the answers to... maybe i try to force it sometimes, rather than letting it come naturally... .

@fromheeltoheal,

you're right... .sometimes need to just sit with a negative feeling. not overreact and throw everything in question, but just sit with it.  i think that's very powerful and important to remember. gotta remember to be human and let emotions run their course. i think that's also a remind in being content, rather than looking for perfection everywhere... .


thanks again guys... .all useful stuff

[ucmeicu2]

I don't know if you really need to have much more of a reason to post aside from feeling that, by doing so, it may help you. And, you never know -- it might help someone else, too.

just wanna chime in and say i agree!  sometimes the posters that apologize the most for rambling or for a long post, are the ones i enjoy reading the most and/or learn the most from or relate the most to.  sometimes it just feels good to know i'm not alone.  so for that, i thank you.

It's like a double-edged sword -- I feel like the more I understand about the illness, the less I understand about why those suffering with it can't recognize it and seek out help -- and why treatment so often doesn't help.

here's an excerpt something i posted in a different thread b/c it's important for us all to learn the facts of BPD, after all, the motto here is 'facing the facts'.  .

~~~~~~~~



This editorial reports 40% of patients with borderline personality disorder remit (remission) after 2 years, with 88% no longer meeting Diagnostic Interview for Borderlines—Revised or DSM-III-R criteria after 10 years

Editorial

Augmenting Psychotherapy for Borderline Personality Disorder: The STEPPS Program

Kenneth R. Silk, M.D.

The diagnosis of borderline personality disorder conjures up thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness. The helplessness and hopelessness reside not only in the patient but often in the treatment providers as well. A widespread belief that continues to exist among mental health professionals is that treatment does very little for borderline personality disorder patients. Yet they are very difficult to disengage from treatment. Therapists shy away from informing the patient that she has the diagnosis because to pronounce the diagnosis not only would be equivalent to a type of "death sentence" (as we used to be afraid of telling patients that they had cancer or schizophrenia), but it would also cause fear of the rage that the therapist is certain to encounter from the affectively dyscontrolled patient.

Much has changed in the last 10–15 years, but unfortunately too many therapists still feel that borderline personality disorder is untreatable and is a lifelong drain on the energy of the therapist, the psychopharmacologist, and the entire mental health system. While it is true that people with borderline personality disorder utilize mental health resources to a far greater extent than their 1%–2% prevalence would suggest (1), the idea that these patients never change or improve needs revision.

Substantial research now sheds light on many of these mythical assumptions. There is strong evidence from the McLean Study of Adult Development that 40% of patients with borderline personality disorder remit after 2 years, with 88% no longer meeting Diagnostic Interview for Borderlines—Revised or DSM-III-R criteria after 10 years (2). The temporal stability (or lack of it) in a borderline personality disorder diagnosis has also been examined in the Collaborative Longitudinal Personality Disorders Study, and findings suggest that about one-half of those who meet borderline personality disorder on intake no longer meet DSM-IV criteria 24 months later (3).

[MammaMia]

ucemeicu2

The McLean statistics are great.  However, I wonder if they are not overly optimistic.  I suspect they are based on their specific patient base and not the general BPD population as a whole.

Perhaps some of these patients were misdiagnosed initially?

[ucmeicu2]

ucemeicu2

The McLean statistics are great.  However, I wonder if they are not overly optimistic.  I suspect they are based on their specific patient base and not the general BPD population as a whole.

Perhaps some of these patients were misdiagnosed initially?

hi mammamia, sure i guess it's possible everything you're suggesting could be true, i don't know.  i'm not an expert in the field ~ just someone passing along 1 or 2 studies that i stumbled upon and they are, IMO, the best litmus test as opposed to anecdotal, subjective info especially when that's tainted with anger/resentment/bitterness/hatred/etc. 

i don't have a personal vested interest either way (whether there is recovery and if so in what numbers and time frame).  my main concern is just that pwBPD not be slandered or demonized here; or given a sentence of no hope for recovery if there clearly is one; or that new people come here and get the wrong impression about BPD and chances for recovery.

i mean, if we were talking about oh, say someone you love was dx'ed with cancer, wouldn't i be remiss if i found studies about the cure rate but didn't share it with you, even in the face of seeing people tell you there's no cure, no hope, you might as well just start picking out a coffin?  i would feel terrible!

[MammaMia]

ucemeicu

Improvement in BPD is possible with intense treatment and cooperation, but every patient is different

as is every timeline.  That was my concern.

McLean is a leader in BPD treatment.  Thanks for sharing their info.

[ucmeicu2]

Improvement in BPD is possible with intense treatment and cooperation, but every patient is different

as is every timeline.  That was my concern. McLean is a leader in BPD treatment.  Thanks for sharing their info.

mammamia, just curious seems like you are sort of soft selling the recovery figures by using words like "improvement" and "possible" when mclean uses much stronger language saying "remission" and "no longer meets the criteria to be dx'ed as BPD"?  i could understand that, but still, facts are facts.  but wait, are you saying that those studies are not producing "facts"?  i'm confused... .  mclean is not my only source... .  i see high recovery info at many sites, including BPDfam!  in fact, if my memory serves me, didn't the link for the mclean study originate here at BPDfam? 

i think that, by default, anyone could deduce that if 88% no longer meet the criteria that means that 12% still do, hence i agree with you in that "every patient is different as is every timeline".  but by the same token, there's no one-size-fits-all in any other medical or psychological illness/disease/treatment/etc, as far as i'm aware.  and of course with the requirement of 5 criteria (out of a possible 9) must be met, that means there's 256 possible manifestations of BPD! 

yet, if only 12% still meet the criteria that means that almost 9 out of 10 do not.  does that not constitute "recovery" from your POV?  i would call that a smashing success rate for the treatment of any illness.  i guess the 88% former pwBPD are then just "regular" disordered/dysfunctional/messed up, like the rest of us.   

[caughtnreleased]

Improvement in BPD is possible with intense treatment and cooperation, but every patient is different

as is every timeline.  That was my concern. McLean is a leader in BPD treatment.  Thanks for sharing their info.

mammamia, just curious seems like you are sort of soft selling the recovery figures by using words like "improvement" and "possible" when mclean uses much stronger language saying "remission" and "no longer meets the criteria to be dx'ed as BPD"?  i could understand that, but still, facts are facts.  but wait, are you saying that those studies are not producing "facts"?  i'm confused... .  mclean is not my only source... .  i see high recovery info at many sites, including BPDfam!  in fact, if my memory serves me, didn't the link for the mclean study originate here at BPDfam? 

i think that, by default, anyone could deduce that if 88% no longer meet the criteria that means that 12% still do, hence i agree with you in that "every patient is different as is every timeline".  but by the same token, there's no one-size-fits-all in any other medical or psychological illness/disease/treatment/etc, as far as i'm aware.  and of course with the requirement of 5 criteria (out of a possible 9) must be met, that means there's 256 possible manifestations of BPD! 

yet, if only 12% still meet the criteria that means that almost 9 out of 10 do not.  does that not constitute "recovery" from your POV?  i would call that a smashing success rate for the treatment of any illness.  i guess the 88% former pwBPD are then just "regular" disordered/dysfunctional/messed up, like the rest of us.   

If i'm not mistaken, the study says that 88% of people who received diagnosis/treatment can experience remission for two years.  That does not mean it is permanent remission.   I remember having read a lot about the statistics when I was contemplating what to do with my ex.  Some can keep their life together for 2-3 years, and then it all blows up.  That would count as 2 years remission, they would qualify under this study.  I can't remember the studies, but I had looked at a lot of research (I wasn't going to base my decision on whether to stay with him or not on feedback from jilted lovers... .a group I ended up joining despite myself . I remember looking at this study (I think) and I remember finding out that if you extend the timeline of remission, the percentile diminishes... .  But yes, I think it's good to point out that remission is possible, but it needs to be taken one day at a time, and perhaps it's not like "curing" a disease, but rather learning to effectively manage it.

[Suzn]

i feel like there's a deeper root to it... .

maybe because i didnt get the job i was hoping for,

maybe cause i have some extra free time

maybe cause i'm feeling a bit lonely at times

maybe cause i just feel like feeling bad for myself

i'm starting to believe its mainly that there's been this feeling of a void of sorts created recently in my life, and that is the cause of the emotions i'm going through... .

maybe in reality, my ex has nothing to do with it, nor does her new love,  or even the fact that i'm not where i want to be in my life... .

Getting this thread back on track... .This is good. In bold, this is about you. Where do you want to be in your life?

Setting goals for yourself and working towards them is a healthy part of recovery.