Today is the day that I have been working towards for years, and the last months of prep should be ready to go. I have to say I am almost petrified with fear. I can't eat a thing I feel my pulse racing. This is going to be one of the most devastating days of my life for my wife, my self and our child. Some how I feel like a coward, since I am so terrified of her reaction I have given her no indication of what is coming. I have been so withdrawn from her, things have almost been pleasant in the house. She is even slightly sweet with our daughter. This whole thing is killing me. I only have a few items to move out of the house and I am gone. Why is this so hard? I don't want to get off the couch and do what I set out to do. I know how I will be painted by her and I know her reaction will be extreme. I am so terrified of her I can't and don't think I should tell her face to face.
Hi Knowing. I felt like that for the first month after I found out about mine "stepping out." Very natural. It feels horrible right now, but not keeping things bottled up inside (coming out in a rage later, for instance) is better. Being a father myself, focus on doing what is best for you (with your daughter in mind), which will by proxy be what is best for your daughter. One of first rules of first responders (firefighters, paramedics) is "take care of yourself first." Right now, I feel like if I fall, we all fall (even my X to a certain extent... .she is the mother of our children). I am slowly coming back to engaging in work, being more emotionally stable, but it's taken me months. Thank God for BPDF and the support of my friends.
I can't say I have an opinion on the f2f confrontation... .you would know best since you are there. Given what is coming, you may want to visit the more legally oriented boards later, after you get settled to wherever you are going. Keep yourself safe and keep updating here!
