I have read this post:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0over and over again.
It is so tough for me to swallow. Is the violence really intentional? It always happens during impulses. When I acted passive agressive. When I acted as if I blamed him for anything. Or when I was too rough while saying no. This all made him think that I wanted to leave, whereas I just wanted some help with the dishes e.g.
My ex has a history of being abused. He grew up in the first 12
years of being battered by his father and he saw his mum being battered. He never lied about his BPD. He just said it to me and hoped I would cope. I even went to his therapist together with him. He was diagnosed for 10 years already.
There were gradually more and more of these episodes, all taunted by understandable circumstances. No sleep. Too drunk. Argument with someone else.
When it got particularly bad, he would say things like:
":)o you cry for that? I start to respect my mother all of a sudden. She has been through way more than you".
He used to compared my suffering with his own suffering and said it did not mean much. It started of with explanations and even more explanations. His temper always occured during strange nightly episodes, when he could not fall asleep. He sometimes did not sleep for months in a row.
I just can't believe it.
Is it really intentional? Is it?
Is it something he could have stopped?