Never would have imagined going back

[Jadam12]

I was doing fine being separated with my BPD ex girlfriend over the summer.  I was dating and enjoying my life.  Then the floods came to Colorado and her basement flooded and of course she had to call me for help.  Of course I felt sorry for her situation and soon enough we were acting like a couple again.

I would never have thought I'd fall into this relationship again.  It felt so comfortable, plus she is paying me to renovate her basement and as I was recently laid off during the government shut down.

Now I want out but am feeling heart sick about breaking it to her, because she has so many problems in her life even though she is successful at her job.

Even with all the therapy, I'm still a sucker for the damsel in distress.

Any tips on how to extract myself again, from those who've been there before?  All the rational thought about looking out for myself just can't seem to win out in my mind.

[frag1911]

Jadam, if you're concerned about it, then you're half-way there.  You've already had the experiences of a relationship with her, and it doesn't matter how many problems someone has, it's their responsibility to deal with them.  I very much commend you on helping her in a truly desperate situation.

There are no rules that breakups have to be bitter, agonizing battles of blame and hate.  If you want out, then do so.  If she blows up about it, then that is her responsibility, not yours.  You need to protect yourself, and you were doing so before she called you for help.  Were you in no contact during the summer, or just partially?

If you do it as a gentleman and with integrity, you can't blame yourself later.  I just wouldn't try breaking up with a woman after taking her out on a date... .that's ambushing.  I'd say make time for a quick visit at her place and stay outside to talk.  She's comfortable at home, it's public, and you can get to your car quickly if she escalates. 

[Jadam12]

Thank you for the encouragement.

Interestingly, she called about having dinner and I called back telling her I wanted to relax at my place and not come over.  She replied saying that I hurt her feelings and that I'm breaking her trust then abruptly hung up.  She later left a text message saying we're done, because I again broke her trust.

I'm sure she'll want to communicate more, but I'm going to hold my ground and be as honest as a I can.  It ain't easy, but at least it's been initiated.

I did a lot of reading and worked hard at instituting a lot of the advice on maintaining a relationship but over time I just didn't have it in me to carry it further.  When I'd put in a lot of time and effort for her only to have her say things like, you don't communicate with me enough during the day and I feel like you are disconnecting, even though I was renovating her basement it just got old and not fun anymore.

Life shouldn't be this hard.

I love that this forum exists and thank you everyone for your stories and advice over the last 6 months.  I couldn't have gone so far without all of you out there.