Thoughts

[BackinBlack]

Just some thoughts this morning on my way to work - isn't it sad that I'd rather stay in the relationship no matter how excruciatingly painful it is.  Because it's a comfortable pain?  Well, it's a pain I know well anyway.   Maybe the word I'm looking for is familiar.

I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but it does if I look at my childhood.  My parents had the same exact pattern of relating.  It cycled just like we are doing - fighting, silent treatment for weeks, getting back together with no acknowledgement that anything happened.  I remember thinking how confusing it was to me then.

What the crap have I been doing?

Unreal that I'd rather stay in this cycle because it's my normal.   Or, I guess subconsciously I'm trying to resolve something from my childhood through him.  Yeah, that's it.  And, it's familiar.  Ugh.

My mother finally walked out when I was in my early teens.  To another man.  So, abandonment is just horrible to me.  He knows that.  Great way to control someone and I played right into it.

Anyone else out there repeating their childhood?

[HarmKrakow]

Biologically, it only makes sense that you project your 'adult' life based on your past. Aka, your history with your family, your parents, etc. You seek the love you think you deserve and what you have witnessed throughout your parents.

Is it that strange, that psychopathic murderers were often beaten to pulp by their parents? Hid in the closet for days, etc? No food, etc. No of course not. This is how biology works (unfortunately). Receive a lot of love, (com)passion, etc. throughout your childhood in a loving, warm, family with parents who don't fight and brothers and sisters and 'et voila', you are statistically more likely to never end up on this forum :D

It is completely normal that you are going through this, and the fact that you have the intellectual ability of self-reflection makes you a clever person, being able to steer yourself in the right direction for the future!