How do YOU cope?

[BioAdoptMom3]

I thought it might be helpful to start a thread with ideas on how to cope on a daily basis while we struggle with a diagnosis of BPD in a child!  What do you do to relieve your stress?  I would love some ideas!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Good idea for a topic, BioAdoptMom3 

I know this will sound redundant (  ) for me to say this, but when I'm stressed out, I read. I read one of my many books about BPD (and I am right now reading "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning, PhD and I do love it!), and sometimes seek out the specific chapter(s) for my specific stress-need, or I read on this site. I'll go to the Workshops or Articles Boards and scan through till I find the subject I'm interested in that will help me out.

Sometimes, when some crazy situation happens with my dBPDs36, or uBPDdil, before I respond (when I'm off-balance, or unsure of how to deal with it) I'll grab a book (Valerie Porr's "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" is a favorite, and it has a great Index that helps me find exactly what I need when I need it!), and figure out how to deal with it. I can't tell you how many emails I've written to my uBPDdil with all my books spread out on the counter to get inspiration from, or to crib from verbatim! This has never failed me, actually.

I've always been someone to use self-help books to help me through life's challenges, so it's not something new; it's second nature. I do have a little Krups Espresso maker, and I'll make myself a breve latte when I need one, too    I guess that's my fallback coping plan... .

[griz]

I love this idea and would welcome to hear what others do.  I mostly write.  I have a few journals, one is an on line journal and I will just sit and write.  Sometimes it is a place to pour my heart out and sometimes I just write whatever comes to me.  I have even written some angry letters to my dh, my dd and God and I found them to be very carthartic. I also found a very interesting book once in the bookstore called "My pain journal"  it has prompts for each day and I would take it out every morning while I had my cup of tea and write in it.  Oddly enough I also found reading it helpful as there were time I would look back at an entry from months past and be able to see how far I have come in learning to deal with things.

And of course when all else fails I have a glass of wine. 

Griz

[psychik]

I garden.  Touching the dirt is grounding.  It's meditative.  I am always adding something to my beds.  Then later in the season, after I've forgotten what I even planted... .It makes me happy to see a beautiful flower pop up.  Instant stress relief.  It's a twofer.

I once read trees actually take negative energy and convert it into energy/food, hugging them is a good thing, but not as comfortable as sitting outside on the grass.

When all else fails and the weather is too cold or wet, I bake.  Baking feels so good and comforting and I can always share what I make.  Baked goods always bring a smile to my hubbies face and makes me feel better.  Cookies and smiles go hand in hand.  Really bad moments are taken care of via vodka.  Hey, making a martini is comforting too!  Probably the last resort for many!

I can't change many things, but I can change me.   

[Someday . . .]

Great topic!  I have a whole bag of tricks that helps me cope on a daily basis.   One is exercise - I feel soo much better after biking, swimming, and walking the dog.   Lately, I've been meeting more friends for coffee or lunch (good support system and, of course, a way to discuss current challenges).  I also read more about BPD, or come to this site, as it truly helps me to know that I'm not alone.   I go over all the papers I have on DBT or validation so I feel more capable of handling situations.   I usually develop a different mantra daily depending on how I'm feeling - sometimes I remind myself "she doesn't want to be this way", or my mantra may be "everyone is on his/her own life's journey, I am not the cause of her suffering, nor is it entirely within my power to alleviate it", or my mantra may just be "let go", or "slow down". . . whatever I feel I need for the day.   I may connect more, or be more aware of my connection, with Spirit/Universe/God.  I may go outside and listen to the birds, or observe the sunrise, stars etc.   I may remember to breath deeply, listen to music that will speak to whatever mood I want to feel.  I may really practice being mindful - in the moment.   All these REALLY help me cope throughout the day.   Thanks for asking the question. . .it helped me realize that I AM able to cope!

[lbjnltx]

I remind myself of all that my d17 does and does well.  This keeps my perspective real.  When my perspective is grounded in facts and not feelings I am in a centered place to thank God for the lessons He is bringing to me and ask for the wisdom to learn what He wants me to learn.  God disciplines those He loves and He must love me a whole lot!

[six]

I swim. especially, if possible, outside.

floating on my back looking at the sky restores my perspective that Gd is running the universe.  I have also recently begun listening to positive thinking meditations which are also good for gaining perspective

[MammaMia]

I garden, do home repairs, care for friends and family, and I come here.  You folks have all made me feel so much better about myself and my dBPDs39. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My sister has a son who is 32 uBPD. Like my son, she is the target of his disorder.  To make matters worse her husband is not supportive... .quite the opposite.  Just learned her uBPDs is back in jail in FL on multiple charges.  I will keep trying to get her here. She is waaaay too stoic, and I worry about her constantly. We burn up the Internet. And I pray and pray for all of us.

Back on topic... .thank you one and all for your support and guidance.  YOU ROCK!

[Tightrope walker]

I got a chuckle out of this thread.  Seems we have more in common than a child suffering from BPD.  Here is my list

1. Gardening

2. Swimming: even met a group through this

3. Walking My Dog

4. Low Impact Exercise Class: again it is with a group of people

5. Reading: a great way to get "lost on a winter day". 

6. Attending Church

7. Talking To My Therapist

                                               Tightrope Walker

[hopeangel]

Me too with the gardening thing! (now isn't that strange, maybe its a 'grounding' thing?)

I have also started keeping tropical fish this year, I really like caring for them and watching them, it's calming for me.

I've only just found this forum but I know it will help me too! 

[MammaMia]

hopeangel

Welcome.  So glad you are here.  We honestly do want to help. This is the place.

I agree on gardening.  I have a very large perennial garden.  I live in MN, so when fall rolls around it is so very sad to see all my lovely flowers die.  However, in the spring, it is joyous to see them return.

I think you are right about the "grounding".  Both of my sisters who live in TX and FL garden pretty much year round to some degree.  They are Master Gardeners and Composters and belong to Gardening Clubs, etc.  Me... .I do all the work for me.  Flowers just make me feel happy.  I spend hours sitting in my patio swing just watching them grow and enjoying the birds, butterflies, squirrels, and chipmunks.  Rabbits... .not so much.

I think Gardening is God's way of keeping us in touch with nature and peace.  Love it.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[hopeangel]

Thank you so much MammaMia! 

Your garden sounds stunning!  I know what you mean about missing the flowers during winter, I always try to have a couple of winter flowers such as Christmas rose and shrubs with colourful berries on the go just to keep me going until spring! 

Ours is a cottage style garden all planted by my own fair hand not hubbies!  He prefers his vintage scooter to mess around with! 

[MammaMia]

hopeangel

Mine is a cottage/butterfly garden.  I admit that I am a plant addict.  Give me a foot of ground and I will plant something that blooms in it.  I added 20 new plants last year.  All in all, I think I have around 75 different varieties... .and I am NOT done yet! 

Oh... .I can't wait for spring.  Gives us something to look forward to, doesn't it?

[jellibeans]

I am truly happy when I am creating something... .I love to paint and make gifts for Christmas. We had a great Thanksgiving and loved setting the table and arranging the flowers for each table. Anytime I can make something is a good day.

Also when I go grocery shopping I buy myself some flowers. Do this this almost weekly and I love to look at them in my home. It is a small thing but I enjoy it a great deal.

I took this course one time and it was suggested to make a happy bag. Inside put things that will make you happy like your favorite movie... .photo of your child as a baby... .chocolate etc... .then when it is a bad day pull it out. I haven't made one yet but I think it is a good idea.

When time are really tough I give myself premission to do nothing. I try and conserve my strength. I curl up on the couch with my dog and watch TV. Sometimes you just need a day to recoup and start again. Two steps forward and one back but keep going forward. Stepping back and putting things into perspective. My dd has a long life ahead of her... .one bad day doesn't mean a bad life. Staying positive is key for me.

[hopeangel]

Love this jellibeans! 

'One bad days doesn't mean a bad life!'

Im keeping that one in my head!  Thank you! 

[twojaybirds]

1. I write poetry and am in 2 writers groups

2. I work out 2 - 3 times a week (at 6am before work)

3. I eat healthy and cook/bake

4. I maintain a few friends who understand, can laugh and cry with me and remind me of what is good in my life

5. I love my job

[femom]

I run or ride my bike.  I find that endurance exercise helps me put things into perspective and calms my mind to deal with the difficult things in my life at the moment.