Recyclables vs Trashed

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi Everyone,

So I sit here wondering.  Is this it? Is this the end? Six recycles in 18 mo. Each time she said she was done, vacillated between let's stay friends and let's not... .always deciding on the latter.  Last one, threatened a restraining order and ran back to her ex only to return a month later to me (ex out of state).

This time, she blocked my number, FB and I believe is already in a relationship with a mutual friend ( which hurts like hell).  Like other times she said never to contact her, she wants nothing from me but this was the first time she didn't rage break up at me, she calmly came over said we should be friends and see other people.  she cried, told me she loved me and would be there for me always. 

I'm the one who argued against the break and she's painted me black. 

It went from "this isn't working and we should see others" to "your a self absorbed a-@ who treated me worse than dirt. This was the ugliest relationship ever"!

I've noticed a crazy pattern.  Our breaks last 37 days (all three major ones) and our last contact is on the 13th day (how strange)!

I m semi hoping for a recycle but this time she is so cold.  Thoughts?

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Everyone,

So I sit here wondering.  Is this it? Is this the end? Six recycles in 18 mo. Each time she said she was done, vacillated between let's stay friends and let's not... .always deciding on the latter.  Last one, threatened a restraining order and ran back to her ex only to return a month later to me (ex out of state).

This time, she blocked my number, FB and I believe is already in a relationship with a mutual friend ( which hurts like hell).  Like other times she said never to contact her, she wants nothing from me but this was the first time she didn't rage break up at me, she calmly came over said we should be friends and see other people.  she cried, told me she loved me and would be there for me always. 

I'm the one who argued against the break and she's painted me black. 

It went from "this isn't working and we should see others" to "your a self absorbed a-@ who treated me worse than dirt. This was the ugliest relationship ever"!

I've noticed a crazy pattern.  Our breaks last 37 days (all three major ones) and our last contact is on the 13th day (how strange)!

I m semi hoping for a recycle but this time she is so cold.  Thoughts?

[Surnia]

Six recycles in 18 month! What a rollercoaster. 

Perhaps it is time for some self inquiry. How comes that you went from

"your a self absorbed a-@ who treated me worse than dirt. This was the ugliest relationship ever"!

to "semi hope of another recycle"?

[goldylamont]

whoa, earth angel, i just replied to a different post of yours before seeing this one. yes, 6 recycles in an 18 month period is a lot to go through. if your ex is calm now about breaking up i think this is because she's sure of her decision. in these situations either pleading or arguing will not only push her away further, but will leave you feeling worse once it's all over.

what always helped me was finding things that were beneficial to me regardless of the outcome of the relationship. you being strong, setting boundaries and finding happiness elsewhere is the best thing for you. subsequently this display of strength will also make you more attractive (to anybody, perhaps even your ex, not that you want that). always being available, predictable and not showing that you can be independent and happy without this person tend to be unattractive unfortunately. we've all been there, i totally understand that you may not want to detach like this, but hey if you feel like recycle 7 at this point then I say show yourself and your ex that you can find happiness elsewhere (and i don't necessarily mean with another person). begging will get you nowhere

[strikeforce]

I was recycled twice in a year, that was bad enough. But 6 in 18 months?

This is a good time for you to hold back and take a hard look at yourself.

You know that this relationship isn't healthy, you think she's seeing a friend but you still hope for a semi-recycle?

Do you just want to speak with her, hear her voice? Or do you want the nightmare of pain back in your life?

[Ironmanrises]

6 recycles in 18 months is a lot.  I am sorry you have gone through all of that. Mine was cold at the end of the second recycle too, she raged and went cold at end of first round. You went through 6 rounds. If she was really done, it would have ended after first round. Not the 2nd, 3rd, etc, etc. The very fact that this has happened 6 times, is evidence enough that more are to come. Question becomes, do you really want another round with this person knowing, she will leave you again and again? I know it hurts.

Hang in there.

[Learning_curve74]

You can never predict what another person will do. It's not like a person needs to have a PD to get back together with an ex, it happens all the time with all kinds of people.

During the previous break ups, what did you do to cope and to take care of your yourself?

[Pretty Woman]

I went NC. When I went NC I got myself back and that is usually when she would appear. This time the replacement is local though and she really cut me off. I am losing faith.

[Ironmanrises]

Earth,

When that new relationship of hers begins to fall apart, and it will, do not be surprised if your ex reappears. Is this what you really want? 

[strikeforce]

My ex seemed to know when to contact me. As soon as I was moving on she would text and set me back again.

She always told me she was psychic.

You have to ask yourself honestly, what good will hearing from her again do?

Do you think it would be different this time around?

When the new relationship hits a rough patch she will most likely try to contact you again.

This is what she would have done countless times in previous relationships, start texting other people as soon as it got rough.

[Ironmanrises]

My ex seemed to know when to contact me. As soon as I was moving on she would text and set me back again.

She always told me she was psychic.

You have to ask yourself honestly, what good will hearing from her again do?

Do you think it would be different this time around?

When the new relationship hits a rough patch she will most likely try to contact you again.

This is what she would have done countless times in previous relationships, start texting other men as soon as it got rough.

It was the same with mine Strike. Plus stalking my Facebook/Instagram from fake accounts also gave her that added peek into my world after round 1. As soon as she detected my moving on, she started contacting me via blocked calls/silent voicemail which escalated to direct text contact.

[GlennT]

They play this little game called "I like you, come here, now that I have you I do not like you for being stupid enough to like me." When they get frustrated with the new one, they throw a hail mary pass to save their game, to keep you around, for the next nightmare. Learn and open your eyes.

[strikeforce]

My ex seemed to know when to contact me. As soon as I was moving on she would text and set me back again.

She always told me she was psychic.

You have to ask yourself honestly, what good will hearing from her again do?

Do you think it would be different this time around?

When the new relationship hits a rough patch she will most likely try to contact you again.

This is what she would have done countless times in previous relationships, start texting other men as soon as it got rough.

It was the same with mine Strike. Plus stalking my Facebook/Instagram from fake accounts also gave her that added peek into my world after round 1. As soon as she detected my moving on, she started contacting me via blocked calls/silent voicemail which escalated to direct text contact.

Yeah that's what I fear the most. I haven't heard from her in a full week. I hope it continues.