The Stories They Tell.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I meet my exBPDgf a few years before we began the relationship. At that time she was married, and then later divorced and some months later we began the relationship.

One story i always remember was while she was still married her husband had been arrested for physically abusing their son. He had supposedly kicked and punched him on several occasions. She maintained that her husband had been ordered to leave the family home while the police investigation into the matter was being conducted. After 6 weeks her husband was allowed to return home.

Years later after our relationship had ended i actually found out from a third party that the story she told about her husband abusing their son was in fact a complete fabrication.

Are pwBPD truly capable of fabricating stories to this extreme about their current partners? Or is it something that is additional to the illness that is BPD?

[Willingtolearn]

I meet my exBPDgf a few years before we began the relationship. At that time she was married, and then later divorced and some months later we began the relationship.

One story i always remember was while she was still married her husband had been arrested for physically abusing their son. He had supposedly kicked and punched him on several occasions. She maintained that her husband had been ordered to leave the family home while the police investigation into the matter was being conducted. After 6 weeks her husband was allowed to return home.

Years later after our relationship had ended i actually found out from a third party that the story she told about her husband abusing their son was in fact a complete fabrication.

Are pwBPD truly capable of fabricating stories to this extreme about their current partners? Or is it something that is additional to the illness that is BPD?

[strikeforce]

I have found that they will tell you anything, their lies know no bounds.

The complete BS that I was told was unreal.

[Willingtolearn]

I agree. The things they tell you can be a complete fabrication made in their own minds. However telling people that their husband is physically abusing their child while still being married to the said husband surely has to be beyond the limits for pwBPD. Or maybe it's not?

Completely mind blowing.

[strikeforce]

Mine used to tell me stories of how bad certain people had been to her yet she still text them, possibly still meeting up with them.

I don't know if the lies were to make me feel sorry for her or if she was saying it to demonize that person in her mind.

[Ironmanrises]

The problem is when the person closest to you, the PwBPD begins to lie to you, you no longer know afterwards what was truth and what was a lie. I know my ex started telling little lies here and there, and after a while, what can I believe? It leaves you wondering. And that wondering is extremely damaging. You begin to think, did they lie about that, or this, or at this point, etc. After 2 rounds, I honestly don't know how many lies I was told. And that hurts me profoundly.

[KE151]

The problem is when the person closest to you, the PwBPD begins to lie to you, you no longer know afterwards what was truth and what was a lie. I know my ex started telling little lies here and there, and after a while, what can I believe? It leaves you wondering. And that wondering is extremely damaging. You begin to think, did they lie about that, or this, or at this point, etc. After 2 rounds, I honestly don't know how many lies I was told. And that hurts me profoundly.

My feelings exactly. I've later realized that I started to rationalize away her lies, just to try to make some sense of it all for myself. I.e. making excuses for her lies... .how the mind works when you're in love beyond reason.

The biggest lie (as far as I know obviously :-) was that her ex (her kids' father) was in a wheelchair in a mental care home far away in another town. When in fact he lives in the same city and is in good enough shape to run marathons and work. Go figure.

[RecycledNoMore]

I remember one time early on in the r/ s, my BPDx and I were living together,his sister called and asked him if she could borrow money, I said I didnt want him too, because money was tight, and she would only be using it to buy weed, which she freely admitted, anyway, half an hour later she turned up and we were all standing in the kitchen, they were standing next to eachother, I saw him passing her the money behind his back, I said " what are you doing, I thought we talked about this" , he looked at me blankly and said" what are you talking about", she left and I was like " what the heck, whyd you give her that money", well that set him off, said I was a liar, I didnt know what I was talking about,I was nuts, paranoid etc

I guess for a BPD, they create their own reality and defend it with the same intensity as a so called " non" would, I never knew when he was telling the truth or telling a story, it all seamed like one big long lie in the end.

[Pretty Woman]

Omg... .yes!  My ex told me the woman before me showed up at her house and she had to change her number and file a RO. Funny how while we were dating she was chatting on the phone and texting with her.   

[strikeforce]

She went on about getting a restraining order on her ex who was the father of her son.

Was taking legal action against him to get full custody of her son, yet would go round and have dinner with the guy.

She demonized him so much, I just wonder how much of it was true.

[ShadowDancer]

As to the stories they tell one of a mature mind reconciles this phenomena as the "overactive" doings of a very immature mind. As we all are aware the PD mind is locked or frozen at a certain stage of development. Very often at a preteen stage when these self defenses and self protection strategies kicked in for for what ever reason.

At this stage the imagination is a very powerful and valuable tool in the development of who we are to become in adulthood. The dreams of the child often guide the destiny of the adult. I know this is true for me. As I have matured I have retained the practical side of these "dreams of the imagination" of youth and held them dear as my ideal of the man I envision myself to become. This is my identity. For me to have this process stop would be the end of my personal evolution and journey. I feel very fortunate in "knowing" that.

For those who are unfortunate to have not matured hand in hand with the dreams of youth intact and realized a certain protection develops to protect the psyche from this terrible disappointment of the shattered idealized self in youth. This is when a false self develops to protect the wounded self. In an immature mind if a false story is told once it could be true. Told twice it probably is true. Told thrice it becomes habitual fact. This is when myth becomes truth as the wounded teller convinces the disappointed self and those it reflects outward to.

It is here where "our" maturity and compassion is demonstrated as fully formed understanding human beings. For us to be bewildered or angry about the validity these myths is a exercise in futility. We know this is the response of an immature wounded soul protecting themselves in the only way they know as adults. This is their "truth".

The person I once knew told me something so revealing and so tragic that I was truly able to detach in mutual compassion. The person said, "I am NOT crazy, my reality is just DIFFERENT than yours". For me this was literally true and was not a compatible pairing towards the existence I envision my life to be. I was able to see in my mature mind the wounded child that lived in this person. If it is a myth it is theirs to own and deal with. This pain they own is a difficult thing for us to release because we are compassionate human beings who desire to be effective in our own lives. The helplessness felt of our own inability to love them to our reality is sometimes painful for us. This is a disappointment we have to face in being true to ourselves. Nothing in life is "for sure".

The life is short. The craft is long. The experiment is dangerous.





   

[Ironmanrises]

As to the stories they tell one of a mature mind reconciles this phenomena as the "overactive" doings of a very immature mind. As we all are aware the PD mind is locked or frozen at a certain stage of development. Very often at a preteen stage when these self defenses and self protection strategies kicked in for for what ever reason.

At this stage the imagination is a very powerful and valuable tool in the development of who we are to become in adulthood. The dreams of the child often guide the destiny of the adult. I know this is true for me. As I have matured I have retained the practical side of these "dreams of the imagination" of youth and held them dear as my ideal of the man I envision myself to become. This is my identity. For me to have this process stop would be the end of my personal evolution and journey. I feel very fortunate in "knowing" that.

For those who are unfortunate to have not matured hand in hand with the dreams of youth intact and realized a certain protection develops to protect the psyche from this terrible disappointment of the shattered idealized self in youth. This is when a false self develops to protect the wounded self. In an immature mind if a false story is told once it could be true. Told twice it probably is true. Told thrice it becomes habitual fact. This is when myth becomes truth as the wounded teller convinces the disappointed self and those it reflects outward to.

It is here where "our" maturity and compassion is demonstrated as fully formed understanding human beings. For us to be bewildered or angry about the validity these myths is a exercise in futility. We know this is the response of an immature wounded soul protecting themselves in the only way they know as adults. This is their "truth".

The person I once knew told me something so revealing and so tragic that I was truly able to detach in mutual compassion. The person said, "I am NOT crazy, my reality is just DIFFERENT than yours". For me this was literally true and was not a compatible pairing towards the existence I envision my life to be. I was able to see in my mature mind the wounded child that lived in this person. If it is a myth it is theirs to own and deal with. This pain they own is a difficult thing for us to release because we are compassionate human beings who desire to be effective in our own lives. The helplessness felt of our own inability to love them to our reality is sometimes painful for us. This is a disappointment we have to face in being true to ourselves. Nothing in life is "for sure".

The life is short. The craft is long. The experiment is dangerous.





   

Mine said the same exact thing to me. My eyes just welled up reading that. Far too tragic.

[ShadowDancer]

Ironman,

Your emotions are touched because you are a kind and honorable and decent, and I may add, a very poetic man.

Enviable traits in a world such as this. Take heart for even Shakespeare recognized the comedy behind every tragedy.

[Ironmanrises]

Shadow,

Thank you for your kind words. 

[Octoberfest]

My BPDex and I had tons and tons of sex in our 9 months together.  It was an almost every day thing, often a few times a day.  Not once were my hands allowed down her pants. She told me that she was embarrassed and ashamed. I asked why.  She told me she didn't want my hands down there "because of the scars".  She told me that an ex had abused her and had burned her with cigarettes on her privates... .The anguish and sadness that I felt for what had been done to her.  Now, many months later? I bet she does have scars down there.  But I don't believe they are from an ex burning her with a cigarette.  I all but guarantee they are from a doctor freezing off warts, a la HPV.  Go ahead, ask me why I suspect this.

Also found out that after we split she told her "best friend" (who is a lesbian, who she was cheating on me with while we dated for a good while) that I was abusive, crazy, and controlling.  I'll give her the controlling part- I made crazy requests like her not talking to 3 different guys all day every day who were clearly interested in her, not going out and getting hit faced at the bars, not having a password on her phone, all requests stemming from the fact she had been cheating on me more or less the entire time we had been dating.

As a consolation prize though, the "best friend" (who my BPDex got a matching tattoo with (on their wrists, to mask my BPDex's scars), because they were going to be besties forever) woke up much sooner than I did and cut contact with my BPDex because, "She is a liar and she hurts people".  The only person in my entire college town of 40,000 people (she has since moved back to her home town in with her parents) who likes or cares about my BPDex is her now fiance, a greasy, fat, cocaine using bar trash mall store manager who in the past called the cops on himself to report himself for DUI.  A real winner.

Also, from the research and advice I have sought, HPV is the most common of all the STI's, so common it sometimes isn't even considered one.  They estimate by age 40 75% of the population has been exposed to it.  And the strains that cause warts DO NOT cause cancer.  And I only ever got 2 tiny, pin head sized ones and have been clear for the past several months. All in all, for how deep down the rabbit hole I was for the 9 months I was with her, STI wise I got off near scott free.

[ShadowDancer]

"A greasy fat cocaine using bar trash mall store manager who in the past called the cops on himself to report himself for DUI!... .LMAO!... .oh the comedy! Thanx!

[Octoberfest]

"A greasy fat cocaine using bar trash mall store manager who in the past called the cops on himself to report himself for DUI!... .LMAO!... .oh the comedy! Thanx!

In fairness, the cocaine using part is hearsay.  I can confirm all of the other things though, in addition to "has several really poorly done tattoos".  

The REALLY funny part is that I was just listing verifiable, true facts about this guy, not intentionally trying to be funny.  Also funny is that the guy my BPDex was cheating on me with when I finally ended things (because she was cheating with this guy) is a really nice, respectable guy (he had no knowledge we were still involved) and liked by most everyone who knows him.  I have yet to hear a negative thing about the guy.  And she chose to cheat on him as well with this greasy guy she is now engaged to.  Makes me wonder if she has chosen someone she thinks she deserves... .even if that isn't her rationale, he IS who she deserves.

[maxen]

The things they tell you can be a complete fabrication made in their own minds.

not only that, but the things they tell you about you to your face can be a complete fabrication.

[ShadowDancer]

"A greasy fat cocaine using bar trash mall store manager who in the past called the cops on himself to report himself for DUI!... .LMAO!... .oh the comedy! Thanx!

In fairness, the cocaine using part is hearsay.  I can confirm all of the other things though, in addition to "has several really poorly done tattoos".

The unfunny part is my ex has... .lemme see... .5 poorly done tattoos. The words "sweet thing" on her ass just can't be topped in it's irony.  I remember the day I asked "what the hell does that say"? When she replied "sweet thing" my response was "hmmm".  Twas the kick off of the beginning of the end actually.

I have never understood why a woman would place tattoos on her breasts. Some things like "badly done" tattoos just can't be "undone". Oh well... .C'est la vie!  

[Octoberfest]

Mine also has 4-5 tattoos in various locations.  There was one on her back/side just below her left shoulder that was a pretty simple black trace of a Bee.  She told me she got it while she was high on hydrocodone (she used to and may still snort them to get high).  I finally realized 7 months in that she meant it was a B, like the letter B, because her name starts with a B.  I always thought it was supposed to be an artsy Bee like the insect.  Thats how good of a tattoo it is.  She also has a tattoo on her ankle that matches the tattoos of a group of friends, none of whom she speaks to anymore.  And now the one on her wrist that matches the best friend who no longer speaks to her.

She also had one just to the side/above her vagina.  She has her tongue pierced, and used to have both her vagina and nipples pierced... .she did this all at the ages of 18-20.  Lack of identity much?

[ShadowDancer]

Mine also has 4-5 tattoos in various locations.  There was one on her back/side just below her left shoulder that was a pretty simple black trace of a Bee.  She told me she got it while she was high on hydrocodone (she used to and may still snort them to get high).  I finally realized 7 months in that she meant it was a B, like the letter B, because her name starts with a B.  I always thought it was supposed to be an artsy Bee like the insect.  Thats how good of a tattoo it is.  She also has a tattoo on her ankle that matches the tattoos of a group of friends, none of whom she speaks to anymore.  And now the one on her wrist that matches the best friend who no longer speaks to her.

She also had one just to the side/above her vagina.  She has her tongue pierced, and used to have both her vagina and nipples pierced... .she did this all at the ages of 18-20.  Lack of identity much?

Say... .where you dating my girl?   Oh... .that's right... .clones!

[Octoberfest]

Mine also has 4-5 tattoos in various locations.  There was one on her back/side just below her left shoulder that was a pretty simple black trace of a Bee.  She told me she got it while she was high on hydrocodone (she used to and may still snort them to get high).  I finally realized 7 months in that she meant it was a B, like the letter B, because her name starts with a B.  I always thought it was supposed to be an artsy Bee like the insect.  Thats how good of a tattoo it is.  She also has a tattoo on her ankle that matches the tattoos of a group of friends, none of whom she speaks to anymore.  And now the one on her wrist that matches the best friend who no longer speaks to her.

She also had one just to the side/above her vagina.  She has her tongue pierced, and used to have both her vagina and nipples pierced... .she did this all at the ages of 18-20.  Lack of identity much?

Say... .where you dating my girl?   Oh... .that's right... .clones!

It is very eerie how this disorder can make people from all over the world and from all walks of life exhibit very similiar traits and behaviors.

[ShadowDancer]

Mine also has 4-5 tattoos in various locations.  There was one on her back/side just below her left shoulder that was a pretty simple black trace of a Bee.  She told me she got it while she was high on hydrocodone (she used to and may still snort them to get high).  I finally realized 7 months in that she meant it was a B, like the letter B, because her name starts with a B.  I always thought it was supposed to be an artsy Bee like the insect.  Thats how good of a tattoo it is.  She also has a tattoo on her ankle that matches the tattoos of a group of friends, none of whom she speaks to anymore.  And now the one on her wrist that matches the best friend who no longer speaks to her.

She also had one just to the side/above her vagina.  She has her tongue pierced, and used to have both her vagina and nipples pierced... .she did this all at the ages of 18-20.  Lack of identity much?

Say... .where you dating my girl?   Oh... .that's right... .clones!

It is very eerie how this disorder can make people from all over the world and from all walks of life exhibit very similiar traits and behaviors.

Goes to show... .just another brick in the wall.

[lightswitch]

    All of the lies! All of the tattoos! All horrid!

  I feel like I need to bathe in bleach, Yuck.  I went to the girlie Dr after I kicked out my BPD x... .so far, good results. BUT, I had recycle sex with him a few weeks later, and am now obsessing about going back for another round of tests.  It's pretty scary, and I try not to obsess about the lies, and the potentially disgusting things he may or may not have done.  Ugh. 

  Really, they should all be fiction writers, or writers for some awful reality show. The things they fabricate.

  I found that the majority of the lies were to cover up his bad/sneaky/criminal/rageful behavior, or to make himself appear much better (or worse) than he actually was. So, creating an identity for himself that had value, or the inverse, an identity that was super thug; and making sure he could continue his bad behavior unimpeded.

  Once after a seemingly untriggered rage first thing in the am, he said that he had just found out that his mom died. No.

  He even lied about his horrible tattoos, said they were done in one day (his whole back), overseas, by four guys at once. ETC.

[Pretty Woman]

Mine has a ugly black salamander thing on her thigh so when she wears shorts its tail sticks out. 

She also has Winnie the Pooh on her stomache with Tigger pouncing on it... .that one her girlfriend (ex) has. 

I made the mistake of getting a matching shamrock with her.  Big as life on my shoulder.  Will cost a small fortune to remove and probably scar me but I hate knowing I am walking around with a matching tat on a crazy woman. Bad karma. 

[ShadowDancer]

Mine has a ugly black salamander thing on her thigh so when she wears shorts its tail sticks out.  

She also has Winnie the Pooh on her stomache with Tigger pouncing on it... .that one her girlfriend (ex) has.  

I made the mistake of getting a matching shamrock with her.  Big as life on my shoulder.  Will cost a small fortune to remove and probably scar me but I hate knowing I am walking around with a matching tat on a crazy woman. Bad karma.  

There are "cover-ups". Some of these true tattoo artists can and do work wonders. How do I know? Because I had one done. Remarkably healing.

P.S. A SALAMANDER!  How slimely appropriate!  

[mywifecrazy]

Are pwBPD truly capable of fabricating stories to this extreme about their current partners? Or is it something that is additional to the illness that is BPD?[/quote]
Well now let me see if I can answer this... .HHHHHHEEELLLLLL YES they fabricate about current partners and family members!

I was married to my uBPDxw for 18 yrs. I didn't find out about ALL the lies till after our divorce. Here's my list of lies she told about me:

*I raped her *I would drag her around by her hair*I beat on her*I bashed her into the walls*I beat on my kids (that's the one that pisses me off the most F****ng B**ch) it's so laughable because she abandoned the kids and gave them to me full custody! (Again F****ng B**ch) *i made her scrub the kitchen floors on her hands and knees 2x a week (which is also laughable because our kitchen floors were always freaking filthy)* I was a controlling ogre that was abusive* etc, etc

these are only a few of the things that I have found out about God only knows the crap that I don't know she said!

THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BPD. if it weren't for this website I probably would have gone crazy and remained depressed wondering what I did to cause my wife to do these horrible things in addition to all the lying and cheating she did through my 18 years. This website has educated me and liberated me!

[eeyore]

The things they tell you can be a complete fabrication made in their own minds.

not only that, but the things they tell you about you to your face can be a complete fabrication.

so true.