please say something to make me feel better

[whirlwinded]

I'm extremely upset. I don't know what to do now. My BPD has painted me black. I feel like my heart was ripped through my chest. I'm having bouts of crying. I can't think. I'm shaking. I know the regular person cannot understand me why im in so much pain and why i have so much guilt why his words have emotionally ripped me to shreds. Please someone say something to make me feel better. I don't know how to calm myself and get to a good place today.

I don't know how to get through this minute of pain

[heartandwhole]

Whirlwinded,

I'm so sorry that you are in so much pain.    It's understandable to feel overwhelmed when someone we love changes so abruptly.  Big hugs to you.

If you can, take a couple of slow breaths.  Focus on your senses – just choose one and get very, very focused on what you hear, your sense of touch, smells, sounds.  I know it sounds corny, but getting out of your head space is really valuable right now, if you can.  Even if for only 30 seconds at a time.

Post here, and we'll listen and respond. Cuddle up in a blanket and let yourself cry.  These feelings will not take you over, it's resistance to them that can keep them hanging around even longer.  Feelings are like waves, when unresisted, they crest and then retreat.

Hang in there.  We're here for you. 

[Changingman]

I'm out nearly 4 months, study what FOG means, check abussive relationships and BPD.

In absolute truth you have escaped a dangerous part of your life, it will feel like the worst place you have ever been, sweat, shakes, panic attacks, anxiety, near psychotic state, alone, scared. These are leftover feelings that your partner felt and has put into you. That is what they are, not you. Bear the pain and you will come out of it, this is cold turkey. You have in truth been living in an Insain asylum for the duration of the RS. Emerging into the real world will take some time. But you are Houdini escaping for getting out, whoever initiated it. You are one of the luckiest people alive today for being in a dark, primal, confusing and deceitful place and have escaped. You body and feelings and mind now know how dangerous a place you have been. Your animal feelings are aroused and fight or flight reflex has quite rightly kicked in, this is a very scary place. Truth is these are the correct feelings, let them work themselves out, don't deny them with 'but I love them' this is a construct built by your ex. This is why you're anxious. Denying the real feelings has created stress from denial. It's not you, it's not you, it's not you. Lucky you, someone in the RS is messed up and it's not you.

No contact! Read about surviving a BPD relationship. Read about abussive RS's. No one will understand the trauma you are going through that would make the other ... .mentally ill! rather than 'intense', 'kooky', a bit 'mad'. Take the disorder seriously, it is as real as it is crazy. Eat properly, exercise, look after yourself, it will get better.

Love to you

You deserve someone healthy

[necchi]

I have been There and stay n/c So it dont happen again, Manny times she as said sorry but every times  i had to go through it again, using every doubts,fears about me, Marin go hang your self, your garbage,a bad father... .hang in there this to shall pass for you  

[fromheeltoheal]

You're being painted black has nothing to do with you, it's a defense mechanism used by someone with a serious mental illness.  In the chaos of the disorder there's a psychic push/pull happening where you get too close and he fears engulfment, you get too far away he feels abandonment, there's only a very precarios place between the two, constantly moving, where there's any contentment, short lived.  And when the emotions, mostly shame, get too strong, to not feel them he projects them on you, the painting black.  None of that has anything to do with who you are or what you did, you were just the person a borderline attached to, it was inevitable, and it could have been anyone.

If it's any consolation, a borderline lacks a fully formed self, and when they attach in their head it creates one person with no boundary.  You were important enough to be let in to that dynamic, you literally completed him for a while, and were the most important thing in the universe.  That's why it hurts so much, the intensity of the attachment is like no other, but it was an unsustainable fantasy, although we are led to believe otherwise.  The clinical side of the disorder may not help much right now, but learning about it really helped me depersonalize it and detach.

Be good to yourself and stay here.

[Changingman]

Love that heeltoheal,

It's not personal, horrible as it sounds. You are not to blame.

[BuildingFromScratch]

This personality disorder is more complicated than quantum physics. Honestly, I never thought I'd write someone off but never again am I going to date a Narcissist or Borderline. I'm sorry you're being treated so poorly. It's not worth it. This person is not a person at all. And if you put up with it, you won't be either.

[Changingman]

This personality disorder is more complicated than quantum physics. Honestly, I never thought I'd write someone off but never again am I going to date a Narcissist or Borderline. I'm sorry you're being treated so poorly. It's not worth it. This person is not a person at all. And if you put up with it, you won't be either.

You look at a splash of ink on the floor or a cloud in the sky and see a face in them, you have a relationship with a BPD and assume a whole person is there.

[Discovery]

I'm extremely upset. I don't know what to do now. My BPD has painted me black. I feel like my heart was ripped through my chest. I'm having bouts of crying. I can't think. I'm shaking. I know the regular person cannot understand me why im in so much pain and why i have so much guilt why his words have emotionally ripped me to shreds. Please someone say something to make me feel better. I don't know how to calm myself and get to a good place today.

I don't know how to get through this minute of pain

Dear whirlwinded,

My heart goes out to you. No one who hasn't been through this can ever really understand. How it's so unbearably painful, more painful than anything you could ever imagine. A huge, painful confusing vortex of emotions. To be so betrayed and hurt by cruel disregard from the person you deeply loved and trusted. How you feel absolutely devastated and unable to cope. The terrible feelings in your body... .shaking, fear, panic. And it's such a lonely place to be because no one understands and the pain feels HUGE, endless, more than you can take.

Please know that you are stronger than you feel. The fact that you reached out to this community shows how you are trying to take care of yourself. Please hear that NONE of the negative, hurtful, dismissing stuff that you're getting from this person in the splitting you black has anything to do with YOU -- it really is ALL about him/her... .his/her insecurities, fears, shame, emotional baggage, mental illness. Do not allow his/her words to hurt you; they are PROJECTIONS of how the person feels about him/herself.

I know it's hard to take in, because you felt so loved by this person. And you can't believe they would turn on you like this.

It's healthy and normal to feel everything you are feeling... .you are a normal human being and being treated cruelly by someone you love HURTS. It's normal to cry, to shake,  to feel totally undone. What can you do right now that would bring just the tiniest bit of relief? Have a hot bath? Make yourself a hot water bottle and just curl up under the blankets and let yourself cry? Eat something that you like? Is there anyone you can share with who would be a good listener even if they don't understand what you're going through? If one of your friends was suffering like you are, what would say to him/her? Whatever that is, can you do it for yourself?

Can you imagine putting a bubble around yourself? A bubble of protection? So that his/her words can't come in to YOUR space? And maybe imagine putting a black or grey bubble around your partner... .and realize that all the black words, black energy etc. is THEIRS... .it's part of their bubble, and if any of it leaks out towards you, just send it back to them. Notice that on top of the black bubble are the letters "BPD" -- reminding you that all the hurtful things they are doing have NOTHING to do with you. They literally are impaired, sick, not well in the head.

Sending you hugs for this horrible time you are going through. You are heard. Your feelings matter and they are seen.

I know it's hard to imagine right now when you're hurting so much, but changingman is right... .

In absolute truth you have escaped a dangerous part of your life, it will feel like the worst place you have ever been, sweat, shakes, panic attacks, anxiety, near psychotic state, alone, scared. These are leftover feelings that your partner felt and has put into you. That is what they are, not you. Bear the pain and you will come out of it, this is cold turkey. Emerging into the real world will take some time. But you are Houdini escaping for getting out, whoever initiated it. You are one of the luckiest people alive today for being in a dark, primal, confusing and deceitful place and have escaped.

Thanks changingman for your words. I needed them today. Relapse day for me, back into the vortex and feeling overwhelmed by hurt and sadness. I needed to hear the "you have escaped a dangerous part of your life." Thank you.