trying not to call BPD friend in hospital

[living in the past]

 hi, my 2nd day at this web site glad i found it,today will be the 2nd day i will try not to call friend in the hospital behavoiral health floor, she asked me to take her there last week,seems everytime i call her i get brushed off,she said she would call me back but hasn"t since tuesday,been through this before,seems she meets new men there (even though we are only friends) it still bothers me that i have been her friend for two years though thick and thin then you meet someone else and i get forgotten,i learned a lot reading here in two days,i am just trying to let go and let her decide to get the help she needs.not easy, i am attached,  and she really reaches out for help which is why she wanted to go to the hospital.

[living in the past]

 Well i called her today,basicly she has no clue what i go through,we talked a few minutes about her follow up with dr when she is released from hospital,she said she is ok but with all the med changes i can"t imagine what goes on in her head,she said she might call me later, i doubt it ,she is not herself right but thinks she is ok,i feel like an anoyance to her right now,but i"m trying to believe in Gods plan for this friendship,i have to understand or try to what a pwBPD goes through, will ask God to handle this and thankful for this forum .

[allibaba]

Hi Gregory,

And 

This site has really saved my life and my sanity and I hope that it helps you too.  Its good that you are there for her when she reaches out (assuming that it doesn't cause harm to your own life).

i am just trying to let go and let her decide to get the help she needs.not easy, i am attached,  

I think that this is really wise.  Is this new?  Or an approach that you have taken for a long time with your friend?

What we all go through dealing with BPD friends/ family and otherwise is really tough.  Its good to remember that the BPD in your life doesn't necessarily have the emotional capacity to appreciate that its difficult for us... .in fact my experience is that it doesn't add much value to share openly about your pain in the situation... .the best way to be a good support to them (in my own experience) is to get as healthy as possible yourself.  In other words, make sure that you are carrying on with your life... .but that you are available and loving when they need you... .

Can I ask why you are trying not to call her?  Is it to protect yourself from the pain of her not calling you back?





We are so glad that you are here!

[qwaszx]

hey, I felt the same way as you when my friend went into the hospital, I'm trying to give up the whole idea of understanding what goes through her head because it doesn't do me any good, I can sit here for weeks questioning all we've been through, and all the stuff I've went through with her wondering why the heck when I called her at the hospital she only thought was "I was surprised you called, when they said its one of your friends on the phone, I was like, friend? I don't have any friends" (she felt alone and scared at that point)

she has a couple close friends. we've been through soo much together, how could she even think she'd lost all friendships just because shes in the hospital?    those where my thoughts...

she had no idea how I felt, or what I've felt because of her actions. she wants to get better, but doesn't no how but she does try her personal best, and I cant ask much more then that.

my job for me now, keep my balance, distance myself, live my life and let her life hers regardless of the roads she choses to go. ps were still close friends, but I think I'm learning what I need, and how close is to close... .

[living in the past]

Thanks allibaba , i guesss last few calls she cut short or put me on hold and forgot.also she seems to meet men friends when in hospital and i get forgotten

[living in the past]

Its hard to let go and not call but i try to do it one day at a time,this is harder than quiting smoking,not calling,i met BPD friend in nicotine anonymous,this site had been a big help,thanks everyone

[allibaba]

Hey there,

I guess that my point was... .cut her off if you feel that that is most healthy for you... .or continue to call if you prefer that... .

Just understand that you can only have minimal expectations on how much she can give back.

[living in the past]

 thanks  so much allibaba for your response,  still hard not to call, and i guess its good she hasn"t called me , this sptitting thing has been going on for months between us and has taken its toll on both of us, why i am in this friendship is another ? in some ways i feel i have helped her, but its time for me to have a break and get my bearings,its still hard, i got so used to all the calls and encouraging her, i appreciate you showing me that they  have limited capeability when it come to friendships,you show so much compasion,for my friend and me,so hopefully one day at a time i will be ok and so will my friend,thanks

[living in the past]

 Well friend got out of the hospital yesterday,good thing i was taking a nap when she called, i needed it, message was that she is home and at the drug store waiting for her prescriptions, and call me back if you want, other wise i will talk to you tomorrow,i didn"t call her back will see how today goes, realizing the break is doing me good,i do feel for her i can"t imagine what a person wBPD goes though, but know i need to step back, will try limited contact for now, doing better, ps listening to the best of bread,on you tube, lucky for me she is not my girl friend or wife,

[SweetCharlotte]

How sweet that you like Bread, Gregory. You are really a treasure waiting for the right person to open you up, like that diary underneath a tree.

You seem concerned about her meeting other guys while she is in the behavioral ward of the hospital. This may be the reason she is giving you the cold shoulder. Do you think that this is good for you?

Some pwBPD require extra skills and strength to get along with. With this person, however, it seems like you are just friends, yet she has become the center of your love life, and your feelings are not reciprocated. She may use you when she is feeling low, but when there are other opportunities, she doesn't want to hear from you. I don't think that her having BPD or being bipolar is a good reason to disregard her lack of enthusiasm and commitment. If you can shelter yourself from further contact with her, that would be good for you. Use the time while she is away to begin your healing process. Try to determine why you wanted to give yourself to someone who cannot appreciate you.

I'm searching for another Bread song reference, but the lyrics escape me at the moment. If a picture paints a thousand words, look at the whole picture of the way she acts toward you. Sorry; that's pretty bad.

[living in the past]

 Ok, my friend got out of the hospital on tuesday and left a message to call her back ,or she would talk to me tomorrow,i called 2 times wed and thur, her voicemail is full,i texted her happy thanksgiving ,Ok, i read today on a blog  to give thanks to God for all things even the calamitys, so thank you God, this ignoring me is really a good thing ,she didn"t really attack me ,when i think she met someone i am only assuming,i have to get back on track in believing God is taking care of this, he wants to, i can"t handle it anymore i have been through to much.I have to let him,hoping for a good day.

[allibaba]

Gregory,

Just remember... .its not about you... .

And take care of yourself the best you can.

Have a good day.

[SweetCharlotte]

Why not concentrate on closeness with your spouse? Who can comfort you better than she can when others let you down?

[living in the past]

 Yes, about a year ago i did tell her i need to step back and work on my marraige which i did, but a couple of months later i got a call and tried to be a friend again,  so i also deal with the married man single woman friend  thing, my wife knows i was asked my her (friend from meeting) a couple of times to bring her to the hospital,i know this has to end so hopefully this is it ,and i can survive, Thank You Sweet Chartotte for your understanding and thoughts. i asked her once why did you ask me if you can call me, this was about quitting smoking,she said you seem nice, i think thats half our problem... .still listening to bread on you tube how about (down on my knees) for a bread song for reference.

[SweetCharlotte]

... .still listening to bread on you tube how about (down on my knees) for a bread song for reference.

And as you go through your life, you should wish for her in time, all the sweet things she can find.

[living in the past]

 Wasn"t going to post today on my thread,but what the heck, better than calling pwBPD, thinking of changing the name to trying not to call friend,nc since last week , voice mail from her and two texts from me, feels like a year. plan on not calling today, to understand we have been friends for over a year and talked almost every day,but doing a little better everyday, a friend called me today and reminded me to go to the 12 step meeting tonight, a blessing her phone call, just to feel liked, this is so pathetic to be feeling like this all because i tried to help someone, not knowing about BPD,knowing i am not alone here is a big help, thank you everyone for posting and replying, and thank you Skip.