Does this sound correct? opinions please.

[trying to understand]

hello everyone, after my relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, I have been trying very hard to understand the emptiness that they feel. I think I have finally figured it out. But I want to know some opinions from you guys to see if you think it sounds correct. It occurred to me one day, that I have the strongest connections with my mom and my wife. The person with borderline personality disorder was a woman who seduced me away from my wife temporarily. Anyway, I realized that those connections with those two most important people really shaped my life. I think that I do what I do and think what I think and feel what I feel because of my strong connections with them. I had a dream that both of them died. If that were to happen, I would feel totally lost in this world. It's as if they are my reference point. I struggle to get ahead in my career because I know it will make my mom proud and my wife happy. If they did not exist I don't know that I would really try all that hard if I had no one to please but myself. Also, I could move anywhere and live anywhere and it really wouldn't matter. In fact I think not very much at all would matter if I didn't have those two people that I have a strong connection with. It made me think that maybe that's how borderline people feel. I know that borderline personality disorder has to do with people not being able to attach to other people. I think it has something to do with maltreatment from when they were babies. Or maybe there the fact that they did not attach properly to their mother as infants. I once heard emptiness described as if you were in a strange place and deprived of all of your senses. I thought that was interesting because when I considered what would happen to me if my mom and my wife died, I imagine myself floating in outer space with no idea which end was up or what I should do and no spaceship in sight. Since they cannot connect with other people, maybe this is how they feel. Maybe they feel like it doesn't matter what they do for a career or how they spend their everyday life because they have no strong connections with anyone no matter how much they may want to and are just completely unable to do it. I can see how a person would feel lost as if they were floating in outer space except feel that way here on earth if they had no interpersonal connections with other people. Unfortunately, other people and our relationships with them make us who we are. If everyone is a stranger or not someone that you feel a strong close connection with,then everything you do is only for yourself. I think a lot of people don't do very much that is only for themselves. An example of that is that most people would not cook a large meal only for themselves. They would do if they had people coming over to join them. Same goes with life. So this is my theory and I just want to get some feedback to see if any of you think that I'm on the right track here in describing the way emptiness feels to a person with borderline personality disorder. It brings me great personal satisfaction when I do things that make my mom and wife happy. Without them or anyone I felt close with existing, I might be more prone to seeking out cheap thrills.

[Clearmind]

We are all wired for connection. If you read anything from Brene Brown she explains this concept very well. We are social beings and unfortunately with social media, iPods and the like we miss out on connections all the time.

For a person with BPD they have no sense of self - they mirror others to fulfil the void that exists. Once you leave for overseas or for a period of time you are forgotten to an extent - "Object Constancy". BPD is developed in early childhood - if you google early childhood development and BPD you will find heaps of information on the individuation process and early development and development of ones self.

It so happens that we also have our own issues to contend with - mirroring and idealisation was a two way street and you both felt on cloud nine for a while. This was the making of an unhealthy connection built on very shaky foundations.

And yes, I certainly lived on drama - and sought out relationships that were high drama for a very good reason: 1) It was reminiscent of my childhood - its how my parents related 2) It masked my own issues - I didn't allow the space to deal with my stuff because drama took over 3) I felt my life lacked excitement and my ex certainly injected some life into it 4) I didn't like to be alone.

[Turkish]

And yes, I certainly lived on drama - and sought out relationships that were high drama for a very good reason: 1) It was reminiscent of my childhood - its how my parents related 2) It masked my own issues - I didn't allow the space to deal with my stuff because drama took over 3) I felt my life lacked excitement and my ex certainly injected some life into it 4) I didn't like to be alone.

That's interesting... .I HATE drama, and stopped hanging out with dramatic women years before I met my X. And I have no problem being alone, and I embraced it for years. But I finally got "lonely" and opened myself up. I think my issue was that I did have a void (idealization of the family I never had), as well as a history of being drawn to women in pain, to understand them/my mom. So in that, yes, she filled my emptiness.

[charred]

Clearmind nailed it.

You are on the right track... .they are emotionally stunted... stuck at an early level of development, and stuck in some weird macabre loop of doing the same things over and over, replaying their abandonment scenario.  At times it is like you are dealing with someone in a bit of a trance, they are not present and interacting/listening to you, but supplying their own answers and reactions... and you are stuck  battling some ghost from their past.

Its a pervasive disorder... .defines much of what they do.

[Turkish]

hello everyone, after my relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder, I have been trying very hard to understand the emptiness that they feel. I think I have finally figured it out. But I want to know some opinions from you guys to see if you think it sounds correct. It occurred to me one day, that I have the strongest connections with my mom and my wife. The person with borderline personality disorder was a woman who seduced me away from my wife temporarily. Anyway, I realized that those connections with those two most important people really shaped my life. I think that I do what I do and think what I think and feel what I feel because of my strong connections with them. I had a dream that both of them died. If that were to happen, I would feel totally lost in this world. It's as if they are my reference point. I struggle to get ahead in my career because I know it will make my mom proud and my wife happy. If they did not exist I don't know that I would really try all that hard if I had no one to please but myself. Also, I could move anywhere and live anywhere and it really wouldn't matter. In fact I think not very much at all would matter if I didn't have those two people that I have a strong connection with. It made me think that maybe that's how borderline people feel. I know that borderline personality disorder has to do with people not being able to attach to other people. I think it has something to do with maltreatment from when they were babies. Or maybe there the fact that they did not attach properly to their mother as infants. I once heard emptiness described as if you were in a strange place and deprived of all of your senses.

There is a lot of this that is correct, an insecure attachment stemming from childhood. No natural, linear development of Self, which happens naturally after the initial secure attachment. Thus, they are constantly trying to reclaim the attachment that was lost or never there. I had a similar history, but didn't turn out that way for some reason. Sometimes it's not so clear. This link might provide you with some insight on the shame factor. It's a little clinical, but the intro, results and discussion offer some good points.

Shame and Implicit Self-Concept in Women With Borderline Personality Disorder