When did your child realize they needed help for BPD and then, what's next?

[Parents! Get help here!]

     I'm asking the general question I suppose most newbies ask and that is, how do I go about getting help for my daughter?  She is going to counseling for the first time in her life but I get the feeling her counselor doesn't really see the depth of her problem.  The counselor knows about the lying and self mutilation for attention and drug use but all my daughter talks about is how the counselor is helping her set boundaries for those around her.  Not very encouraging since my daughter has never had a problem making demands on everyone in her family.

     What was the point that your person with BPD realized he or she needed help and when that happens, what do you do next?

[risenshine]

     I'm asking the general question I suppose most newbies ask and that is, how do I go about getting help for my daughter?  She is going to counseling for the first time in her life but I get the feeling her counselor doesn't really see the depth of her problem.  The counselor knows about the lying and self mutilation for attention and drug use but all my daughter talks about is how the counselor is helping her set boundaries for those around her.  Not very encouraging since my daughter has never had a problem making demands on everyone in her family.

     What was the point that your person with BPD realized he or she needed help and when that happens, what do you do next?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[sadi]

Hello, My daughter is 15 I have been fighting for help since she was 10. My daughter is suicidal also a cutter to any part of her body, does not keep friends for very long. Also does not know if she is gay or straight or both, this is something new within the last 8 months. Cannot have a normal converstion with her, without my daughter turning a very normal conversation into something huge. Most of the time by the end of her screaming and crying she has added 4 new topics in, all over something someone would respond to normally. Very up and down in moods, does not like to be left alone or go up to bed without me going to bed too. Also within the last 5 months has gotten an eating disorder.    She also has extreme paranoia where she will visualize normal household objects as people staring at her.   To get help is frustrating they will not diagnose a child under the age of 18, because they have not matured yet. Lot's of councelling, specialists and alot of determination to get something done and to be heard. I have just started to get the help after years of telling me we are just putting a band-aid on the problem. I pray you find the help she needs, I hope this was helpful

[risenshine]

Sadi,

     My heart goes out to you!  Fortunately, my daughter is 26 and so, should be diagnosable.  Your determination is admirable and I pray God will give you extra strength. 

     Am I correct in assuming your daughter is finally getting some help from someone who is versed in BPD?  Does she recognize she needs help?  I understand getting someone to the point where they need help is difficult. 

[sadi]

Thank-you for the kind words, It all depends how bad her episode is if she chooses to get help. I live in canada here over 13 they have a right to refuse any kind of help even if really suicidal. You can go to emerge and wait 5 to 12 hours to see a crisis worker that does not deal with kids under the age of 18, if your child refuses they send them back home. We had a very big meeting with all the doctors and organizations, all agreed they could do no more for her because of age. They put a request in for temporary care in a facility for teens with mental health. I pray we get the answers and the help she so desperately needs. But on the down side she can sign herself out.  I hope for the best. I pray you get the answers you are looking for to get help for your daughter, does not matter how hold they are, they are still close to our heart and we feel their pain.

[LittleThings]

Hi risenshine. I'm not sure this will be helpful, as I'm a newbie, too.

My DD was diagnosed with bipolar about 6 months ago, after a bout with depression, cutting, and suicidal ideation. She spent about 5 days in a psychiatric unit, and was put on meds (Lexapro).

She had to leave college, and has not returned. Has declared she is bi, and now gay, and sometimes she says she doesn't know who she is. Moods change like the wind... .she will rage at us, then fear that we will leave her, or that her friends and romantic interests will. She is very different from the happy girl she once was. She is aware of this and felt that bipolar is the right diagnosis, but that something is missing.

After being on this med for a couple of months, and seeing a therapist once a week, she realized she really wasn't improving. I'd read a lot on bipolar and also BPD, because someone who knew my daughter's situation suggested I look into it. My daughter did some research and thought it sounded like she had many of the symptoms.

Her therapist dodged talking about a diagnosis (it's not really her place to diagnose), so my DD went to her psych and mentioned it. Just today, the psychiatrist agreed that she has BPD. She will go to a 10 week intensive DBT therapy program when she gets her current meds stabilized.

I think it's accurate to say that unless a person has some insight into their illness, they may not seek treatment. My DD is 19, so she is not obligated to tell us anything, but we have been as understanding and compassionate as possible, have tried to put some of the info we've found on this site as well as read, into play. She also has many friends who are getting on with their lives and going to college, and she wants to function.

[peaceplease]

Sadi,

I am sorry that you are in such a position in getting help for your daughter.  That is terrible that they are allowed to refuse even if they are suicidal.  I would think that once a person becomes suicidal, they are no longer able to decide.  But, they appear suicidal, but then deny it once at ER. Is that what happened with your daughter? 

I hope that you get the help that you need for your daughter. 

I hope that you continue to come here for support.

peaceplease

[risenshine]

Sadi,

     I echo these thoughts.  You and your daughter have been in my thoughts and prayers.

     Little Things,

     Thank you for sharing your story.  Will you please keep me posted on your daughter's progress with this therapy?  I am very much hoping it will be helpful for her and, in turn, helpful for the rest of us.  God bless.

[Sweethearts Mom]

Risenshine,

To specifically answer your question, my daughter didn't realize until 22 that she needed help and she only thought she was depressed.  She is now struggling with the diagnosis.  Before she truly believed everything was our fault, her dad and I that is and the fact that we had more children when she was 15, up until then she had been an only child.

I understand your difficulties.  We had been desperately trying to get our daughter help since she was in her early teens.  She lied to most of the counselors / therapist and her behavior was excused as teenage angst that would resolve it self at 25 or so when the brain was fully developed.

She was just recently diagnosed with BPD now at the age of 22.  I am furious that it wasn't picked up on sooner and terrified at the diagnosis.  Especially since daughter isn't happy about the treatment method, she doesn't want to change her behaviors, she doesn't believer her perception is off.  She just wants a pill to make it all better.

The way it was explained to me is that the treatment DBT is learning to change present and future behavior, not rehash past behavior, especially since recollection of past behavior is usually coloured by the disorder.

If they don't have therapeutic treatment options available to your daughter, will they at least give her antidepressants to help curb some of the suicidal feelings?

Don't know where you live, but where we are in Ontario Canada, treatment wasn't an issue as a teen, she had been seeing therapist of one kind or another. Finally, we had her in at 17 to see a psychiatrist, hoping for a diagnosis of one kind or another, he said she would grow out of it.  Only saw her the one time.  Getting a diagnosis seemed to be our hurtle, now it will be getting our daughter to understand the DBT is necessary in order for her to be healthy - she really is quite furious that her behavior has to change.

My prayers are with you and yours.

[pessim-optimist]

Hello everyone,

For those of us, who live in countries that give parents the right/responsibility to decide what's best for their child - if we educate ourselves, we can be their best advocates and relentlessly seek out help, treatments, therapists, Residential Treatment Centers etc. etc.

I am so sorry to hear that a child in Canada can refuse help... .That must be so very frustrating and painful, as they are not able to be their best advocates. In that case, we need to have their free-will cooperation in our helping efforts. That is not easy (not impossible - there is hope but not easy).

For those of us, who have adult children/step-children - the adult must be motivated to change in order to seek help. For that to happen, sometimes they seek help and advice from people they trust (i.e. us - if we have a good relationship with them), sometimes they need to hit bottom first, before they truly see their need for help.

Here is a link to a video, that you might find helpful:

VIDEO: Helping your loved one seek professional treatment Part 1,

VIDEO: Helping your loved one seek professional treatment Part 2

Even though my step-daughter has not recognized (yet?) that she has a problem and needs help, I want to encourage you. Through learning about BPD as much as we can, we have been able to change the way we interact with her, and our relationship (when she is in touch) is benefiting from it, and our own lives have gotten much more peaceful.

[BioAdoptMom3]

If the counseling does not seem to be helping and specifically your mentioning that she attributes the cutting to a bid for attention, I would consider, with your DD's opinion, trying a different therapist.  They do not cut for attention but to relieve their emotional pain.  If her therapist doesn't understand this about BPD she probably has little or no experience working with those who are diagnosed with it.  As to your question, our DD is 14.  Though she is on meds for depression and anxiety and in therapy, she doesn't seem to think she needs it. We have not mentioned BPD traits to her at all yet.

[sadi]

Today my 15 year old daughter finally got admitted to a mental health facility for adolescents. Was a long day but well worth it .  I hope and pray that she is completely honest about everything that is going on, I also hope that they heard every word I had to say. They had asked me why she is not on meds, my reply was no one would because she is suicidal and alot of the meds will increase that. But I am very hopeful that something will finally be done unless she says she wants to leave, I pray that does not happen. Sychiatrist had said that I must be very tired of walking on eggshells on a daily basis, yes I am. Also whenever I need a sharp knife have to run downstairs to get one where they are hidden, wash it and run downstairs to hide it again. But I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. The doctor there had said she will either leave with a diagnosis or no lable but treated, because there are alot of things they cannot label until over 18. I worry about her being away from home, but on the other hand nice to have some peace of mind.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

sadi,

I am so glad that she is inpatient treatment now. My prayers that she stays.

risenshine,

I am still waiting for my daughter to really get help.  She has been to a few therapists, but never really clicks with any of them.  My daughter will seek help when she is depressed.  I can only pray that some day she will meet one that can truly help her.  She never manages to stay long enough with any therapist for them to understand that there is so much more than what she is saying.

Meanwhile, I can only take care of myself and accept what I can not change.

peaceplease