Oh, the narcissism of it all. :(

[tryintogetby]

So, a little backstory:

My brother was the all-black child, could do nothing right, until I went NC.  Then, by some miracle, he became He Who Could Do No Wrong.  My NPD/BPD parent set showered him w/ all the love & attention & pride he'd never had before... .so he of course became more enmeshed than ever, and doesn't believe there's anything wrong with our parents. 

I've been NC w/ him for about a year now.

Today, I found out via facebook through my cousins & step-siblings that he had his first baby.

And he gave it part of NPD dad's name. 

I don't know why---but that bothers me so much more than I think it should.  I mean, shouldn't I grieve that I'm not a part of my family's life right now?  Shouldn't I be mourning the loss of an "aunt" relationship?

I think I'm not, partially because I have an inkling that I could be raising this child someday.  I have NO REASON to believe my brother & his wife have stopped using drugs. I'm certain, ridiculously certain, this child will be in our home at some point in his life. 

I just feel like, by giving him NPD dad's name, they've shown how deeply they're enmeshed, & plan to stay that way.  I wanted so much more for my baby brother & his kids.  He'll always be whatever the PD's want him to be, because he finally has their love.

Gosh, this sucks.

TTGB

[itsnotme]

You just may be the one person in that kids life that will show them how to really love and live a normal life.  You will be their rock. I understand that feeling of 'being left out' but you have to remember you went nc for a reason and it's a good one.

Stay away from FB, that always gets me down when I go on there. It's all pretend... not real life.

[redroom]

I'm the all-bad child, so something else caught my attention first.  It strikes me as overwhelmingly sad that your brother, in a way, is willing to give up something so important just to feel loved and wanted.  He doesn't see that he's disposable to them, like their first choice (you) wasn't available, so they went on to their last choice, and he ate from their hands. 

It reminds me of a lamb going to slaughter, in a way.  That may seem like an odd way to put it, but I see your brother blindly giving up his safety in exchange for love that isn't really there, because even that is more than what he had before. 

[tryintogetby]

I'm the all-bad child, so something else caught my attention first.  It strikes me as overwhelmingly sad that your brother, in a way, is willing to give up something so important just to feel loved and wanted.  He doesn't see that he's disposable to them, like their first choice (you) wasn't available, so they went on to their last choice, and he ate from their hands. 

It reminds me of a lamb going to slaughter, in a way.  That may seem like an odd way to put it, but I see your brother blindly giving up his safety in exchange for love that isn't really there, because even that is more than what he had before. 

EXACTLY! No, that's not odd at ALL, because it actually gives better verbiage to how I was feeling (thank you!). My brother deserves better than being LEFTOVERS.  He shouldn't be honoring and immortalizing someone who treated him like CRAP!  I've said over and over again, "what about the times they hit you, blamed you for them hitting you, called you crazy, etc?"

He would look daggers at me and say, "TTGB, remember, you were never the one who got hit."

WHAT? No, but I dreamed of running away with him, or of our parents dying so I could take care of him.  Our parents had police & school officials convinced that bro was attacking them. . He didn't until after YEARS of abuse.

Gosh, it makes me sick.  I love my little nephew, just seeing his reposted pics.  I want him to grow up away from this insanity, but I couldn't rescue my brother, & I can't rescue him either. .

I can pray for them.  And pray that, if he does need a place to live, we would find out sooner rather than several attachment disorders later.  

[larmieq]

I have watched by drug addict brother walk a similar path.  He was the black sheep.  But when I went NC the first time, he became the golden child.  But it took a huge toll on him to be soo enmeshed with uBPDmom(the lamb did not know he was going to slaughter  :'( ).  He has disappeared again into his drug addiction and I went no contact when I caught what I think was splatter from his leaving and going into his addiction again.  She needed some place to put all those feeling and it was not going to be on me!

It is only now that I am realizing the pain he must be in to have been the recipient of all of her negative emotions his whole life!  No wonder he has to numb it!  My mom has had custody of his child, part of why he has to interact with her.

I pray for the child, my brother and mom daily.  I too feel it is the only thing I can do.  I truly believe, it was my grandmother's catholic novenas that saved me from a path of mental illness.  I have not other explanation.