exBPDbf repeating pattern with replacement

[MJistiredofBS]

So, I've been told that the ex has repeated the exact same thing again with the new woman.  He has bought another house, moved, and is busy with the new victim getting her help with decorating the house.  He did this with me, right after we got together.  He has moved every time he has switched girlfriends.  Is this common for BPD?  Its like he has to erase all the evidence of the past and start over new again.  However, he always repeats the same patterns with his women.  The first 3 months you have prince charming, showering you with attention, gifts, etc., with only fleeting glimpses of the toad that he really is.  The other women are always kept at bay during the first little while, then they start popping up left and right, of course, they are just friends.  I believed the friendship thing until I found all the naked pics.  Ugggghhhh, I know this man is sick, has treated me like dirt, played mind games constantly, isolated me, verbally, physically, and mentally abused me, yet here I am on a friggin message board hoping someone can relate to how I feel.  I left him, I can't stand him, but I can't just let go of what he did to me.  I feel sorry for the new woman, because she has no idea of the misery she is in for.  He will show off all of his toys and use his money to lure her, because actually without the money, he is not someone a beautiful woman would date.  He seeks women who are in vulnerable situations, and before they know what hits them, he has them dependent upon him financially.  He will require her to wait on him hand and foot, be his personal servant in every way.  When she starts to wake from the fog and state that she too has needs, he will be offended, will accuse, will tell her he has to talk to other women because she isn't giving him what he needs.  What a friggin nightmare!  Praise God I escaped, but the complete mind ___ still has me off kilter.  I want to stop him, I want to pay him back, I feel sorry for him, I want to warn the other woman, I have a bunch of mixed emotions.  I won't be like him and jump into another relationship to get over this one, although I have several men seeking my attention.  I am so angry!  I can't believe I allowed this to continue as long as i did!  I'm angry with myself, because I knew better, I saw through the lies, I knew he was a womanizing cheater, I knew he was a fake... .why did I stay for a whole year?  How many times did I leave?  How many lies did he tell to get me back?  How many panic attacks, fake DUIs, sobbing episodes, come aparts did I buy into?  Poor pitiful thang, grrrrrrrrr... .  Did I mention that I am angry?

[Surnia]

Hi MJistiredofBS

I hear your anger and I would be angry too! 

Its okay to put it here.

I would stay away from any actions toward the new gf.

I'm angry with myself, because I knew better, I saw through the lies, I knew he was a womanizing cheater, I knew he was a fake... .

I am very familiar with this. Not trusting the own feelings and perceptions. 

[Learning_curve74]

Hi MJ, I totally relate! I think my exBPDgf must be like a female version of your exBPDbf. And like your exbf, she is stuck in the same dysfunctional patterns of behavior. It is quite sad.

It's perfectly understandable to feel angry, sad, and whatever other emotions you are feeling. In fact, one of the hardest things for me was that my emotions would be conflicting and turbulent. However, we can accept our feelings without having to act on them, isn't that correct?

What are you doing to cope with your anger? Do you talk with friends, write in a journal, go exercise, hit pillows with your fists, or something else? You don't have to do anything in particular, but sometimes it helps.

Hang in there, MJ. 

[MJistiredofBS]

I have friends that will listen and they actually knew him before I did and really don't like him at all.  I can vent with them, but I'm tired of talking about it and they r probably tired of hearing it.  I just want to erase him from my brain somehow. 

[Mutt]

I have friends that will listen and they actually knew him before I did and really don't like him at all.  I can vent with them, but I'm tired of talking about it and they r probably tired of hearing it.  I just want to erase him from my brain somehow. 

I know that feeling. You feel like you are burning your friends and family out with something that they can't fully understand. That's why talking to people that have gone through similar things helps on this forum. I was a very angry person a few months ago when my wife left. That anger has subsided. People here helped.

Don't be hard on yourself.