How to deal w sibs when you're nc

[itsnotme]

So this will be my third attempt with nc with my mom. I have three sibs under me. 1. Understands her sickness and is currently lc but it wouldn't shock me if she starts to speak to her again. 2. Just passes it off as mom is just difficult (she doesn't get 1/2 the crap that I get) 3. Understands why I'm NC, doesn't 100% agree. I sometimes think that she is bp. Anyway how do I keep in touch with them w/o going there?

[redroom]

Anything from a friendly "No, no, I don't want to put you in the middle of this.  Have you been to the new movie yet?"

to a more firm "I know you care very much about me and about mom, but this is something that we'll just have to figure out on our own.  Having you go back and forth between us just complicates things.  We'll talk when we're ready.  So, have you seen that new movie yet?"

It should work.  Just start with a nice, genuine "I see you care, and thank you" statement, even if it's obvious that she's fishing for information or trying to stir things up.  If she *is* genuinely concerned, this will set her mind at ease.  If she has other intentions, she'll pretty much have to admit that she wants to stir things up, or else why would she keep asking?

Then, change the subject.  Make it seem as though it's not a huge deal for the two of you to not be talking. 

I've actually used these with people asking about me and my V,VLC (very, very low contact) uBPDm.  It sounds silly, but practice saying them out loud a few times.  I can never manage to think of something smooth to say on the spot, so I have a few basic lines that I memorize, like these.  When you sense the conversation even going in that direction, prepare yourself for saying one of these. 

And if you get caught up in telling a dramatic story to #3, you can always stop.  Just stop yourself for a second and say "You know, mom deserves to hear this directly from me.  I really hate dragging you into this.  We'll sort it out between us."

Sister #3, "No, no, it's OK!  Tell me!  I care!"

You, "You're so sweet.  You have enough on your plate right now, and this business with mom will take care of itself.  I hear there's a new movie out... ."

[tryintogetby]

Redroom hit the nail on the head.  There's no easy way to do it, but the things redroom gave you are loving, courteous, & firm.  I've been there, and just for info's sake, my sib & I are now NC too.  . But that was because of the PDs' manipulations, not because we didn't try.

[itsnotme]

Thank you very much. I'm going out to dinner w #2&3 I should go and think of a few lines right now!