Changed My Number

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

This wasn't an easy decision but just the sheer fact my ex had my number I felt the need to bite the bullet and just change it. 

I don't want some random text six months down the road while I am recovering from this gaping wound of 18mo, nor do I want the temptation of calling her to see if my number is still blocked ( she blocked all communication this time). 

I actually feel empowered I've taken back some control for myself. 

It's a bittersweet ending to something I never should have been in the first place. 

[Pretty Woman]

This wasn't an easy decision but just the sheer fact my ex had my number I felt the need to bite the bullet and just change it. 

I don't want some random text six months down the road while I am recovering from this gaping wound of 18mo, nor do I want the temptation of calling her to see if my number is still blocked ( she blocked all communication this time). 

I actually feel empowered I've taken back some control for myself. 

It's a bittersweet ending to something I never should have been in the first place. 

[santa]

Excellent decision.

Just remember, if you give them the new number it was all for nothing.

[ThisIsMyNamelol]

I changed mine fairly recently, too.

The anticipation was what was killing me. 3 months spent in silent paranoia every day wondering, and subconsciously hoping, if she was gonna reach out. In my head, she could send one little text and derail my entire recovery. But I realized that that's giving her way too much power.

So, I took my power back. I had to quit bargaining, and accept that she was disordered and put the focus back on myself. To take myself out of the drama. You always have a choice. It was a wonderful feeling, and it's a brave thing that you're doing.

Just be careful who you give the new number to. Took only 2 days(after 3 months no contact) for me to get a call and a voicemail from her.

[Oliolioxenfree]

That's a wonderful decision you made FOR YOU.  I didn't do this but I don't think I'll ever hear from the BPD ex again , and don't care to engage if he does.


Either way making that choice is tough and I applaud your resolve to really heal and move on.

[BlushAndBashful]

That's a big step! Congrats!   

I personally didn't choose to change mine, because I have had the same number foreverrrr and I didn't want to deal with my kids having to give all their friends our new number. And, frankly, even if I did change my number, he has a bunch of other ways to contact me (we work for the same company, and we live in a very small town- so kind of pointless). And, he has not tried to contact me in 2 years and does everything he can to avoid me, so I'm not too concerned.

However, it took a HUGE amount of personal strength when I decided to cut mine out of my life, and I spent a couple hours going on mutual social networks and blocking him, his family, his friends, his coworkers, his dog groomer, etc. I felt very empowered afterwards. Bittersweet, but yet I felt very much at peace.

Good for you. 

[Pretty Woman]

 Well my therapist thought I was a bit hasty but I'm trying to get past this and checking my phone was not helping me. 

If she really wants to get to me it's not hard. She knows my gym, where I live and can see my meetup schedule because we are in the same groups. 

For me, it was more about cutting off the "expectation" that she might unblock me.  The expectation she might text me.  The last break when I was finally feeling better she texted me 50 times on the way back from leaving my replacement, her ex in Minnesota.  When I told her I didn't want to see her she was at my doorstep. 

So changing the number isn't really a deterrent or safeguard.  It's just for my peace of mind.

[hurtbyboderline]

Very cool! ... .When I left my exBPDGF I already had another phone (that she didn't know about) w/ a transferred home number from a family house that was recently sold. First thing I did after leaving her was to stop using the old phone. I still have the old phone activated. I have hundreds of phone numbers in it & I check it every couple of days for messages & then I give the person my updated number. But even though I have a lot of numbers I don't get many calls. She heard I had a new number, she even has the old house number but it hasn't dawned on her that I'm using that number. I know she called dozens/hundreds of times plus text messages & I didn't want to see them coming in. I saw on FB that she has a new guy & the calls to the old number have stopped so I think I'll go back to that phone. She still writes me on Face Book once in awhile but I don't reply. I'm surprised  she hasn't blasted me yet on FB! ... .So far I have done NC (no contact if someone new reads this). I know her pattern with ex's is she stops calling/texting after awhile if they don't respond. And she has several that will still reply so she'll bug them. And every time I start thinking about the new BF I just remind myself that if I were to call her & say that I'd be in town (she's several states away) I know she'd hook up with me... .Just like she did with ex's when we were together... .   zzz

[seeking balance]

Sometimes we need to make a change just to feel a bit of control and there is nothing wrong with that.  It is certainly a wiser option than hastily texting the ex.

Good for you!

[Pretty Woman]

Hurt,

  It was hard.  Had this number since my 1st cell phone.  I get a ton of telemarketing calls though so this should help eliminate that. 

Bonus

My ex is savvy.  Email/FB or just showing up.  She would do that.  Once when she dumped me (an early dumping) she texted me and I was keeping my cell in the car so as not to respond.  Frantically she started emailing me. 

I am pitch black.  She has eradicated every picture of our past which she hasn't before. 

I truly am not worried she will stalk. But for me yeah the desire is to text her.  I haven't felt like it but WOW I want to eliminate that urge. 

I won't text her from this new phone.  She blocked me from hers.  That would make me look like a stalker. 

And I'm not one of those.