How do I let go of the anger?

[Heartbroken Daughter]

I posted this in a facebook group this morning but then I remembered to come here... .I guess I need to get this out and part of me is searching for any way that I'm the one to blame for this. I don't know I'm a little lost right now... .

After growing up with a BPD mother the only close friendship I've ever had was with someone just like my mother. I finally broke free after she tried to destroy my marriage... .I haven't really spoken to her in over a year.

It's a long story but she had my wedding dress and has been trying to sell it online refusing to give it back to me. I lost over 200 pounds before I met my husband and my wedding dress meant so much to me.

I've felt rejected and ugly my entire life and my wedding was a mess thanks to my drunk and insane mother but it was all worth it just to wear that dress. I know this might sound ridiculous but when I put that dress on I felt beautiful for the first time in my life. Just seeing the pictures she's taken after taking out of the box breaks my heart.

Now to top everything off the wedding ring I've been ripping myself apart over losing the day I left her house showed up in another post. She actually went in my purse and stole my wedding ring! WHO DOES THAT! How do you look yourself in the mirror after doing that to someone? Never mind someone who cared about you? I finally confronted her after seeing pictures and ads with her phone number and name in them. Not only does she refuse to respond to me she's continued to post more ads trying to sell both items.

I'm so angry and hurt I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling. How am I ever going to put this behind me? I just needed to get this out I'm so upset and my poor husband just wants to be rid of the insane people that were in my life. I can't blame him but trying to just ignore this and not having anyone to talk to is killing me.

[Contradancer]

I get the pain, but it was not the dress that made you beautiful.  My be is that you're pretty anyway, but have trouble understanding that because your mother did nothing to instill in you your worth.

You need to remember that the dress is a thing, yet your emotional and physical health are who you are.

The things your mother has done are unacceptable and despicable, and speak only of her.  How you react speaks only of you.

[Clearmind]

Oh WOW! You have every right to feel jaded Heartbroken! I would too.

It’s so hard accepting such an injustice.

Unfortunately a disordered parent just doesn’t get it and while it’s hard to let go of the items, it maybe all you can do. It’s up to us how long we hold onto the emotional side of things.

Are you seeing a therapist to help you through your past?

[chickadee]

I take it that it is your ex-friend, not your mother, who is trying to sell YOUR dress and ring?  Either way, I don't know why this person had your dress, but taking your wedding ring from your purse is STEALING and in my opinion, you have the right to call the police--that's what I'd do.  That's what you would do if a stranger stole a valuable ring from you.  Even though this person was once your friend, I can't see why it would be wrong for you to call the police, because helping herself to your ring is illegal, and so is trying to sell stolen property. 

If she's trying to punish you for breaking up your friendship with her, she's doing a very good job.  If she had half a heart, she wouldn't be trying to sell two items that mean so much to you.  She has to know that you would see her ads and be exceedingly hurt by them.  I can see why you would want to get a person like that out of your life.  I hope you get your things back; I would be devastated too.   

[P.F.Change]

I'm so angry and hurt I can't even begin to explain how I'm feeling. How am I ever going to put this behind me? I just needed to get this out I'm so upset and my poor husband just wants to be rid of the insane people that were in my life. I can't blame him but trying to just ignore this and not having anyone to talk to is killing me.

Why do you feel you have to ignore this behavior? It sounds like that is causing you distress.

I agree it seems really normal to feel angry in this situation. Feelings are what they are, they are not good or bad. It is ok to feel angry.

My sister once had a roommate who stole her things and tried to sell them. She chose to file a police report, and the officer was able to retrieve her belongings. Have you considered talking with law enforcement?

Wishing you peace,

PF