Hate the weekends

[State85]

I do pretty good throughout the week. But when the weekend comes it seems any progress I have made is in jeopardy. I just wonder what she is doing and who she is with. Of course it doesn't help when earlier in the week she'll slip in a comment in a text whether she has plans or not... .I hate this feeling... .

[santa]

The weekends are tougher. Once college football season is over, I don't know what I'm going to do.

[State85]

I hear ya Santa bout college football... .I'll be at a loss.

I think I would feel a little better if I knew she was hurting as well. But if you jump immediately to someone else, it's pretty obvious they don't. This rumination crap, I think, is how she is still controlling me... .and I'm nowhere near her... .not fair

[InRepair_2013]

I was literally just thinking about how much harder the weekends are. It was always OUR time. The weekdays are so busy that I manage (for the most part) but the weekends are tough. Especially Friday night. That was always our date night.

Wish all the men he accused me of screwing around with would call me up. Haha (Not really... .just a little bitter)

And college football on Saturdays is just as tough.  As many years as we spent together I haven't found anything yet that doesn't bring back painful memories.

[RecycledNoMore]

Same here, I dread the weekend, work during the week keeps me busy, soon as the weekends hit, here come the fking ruminations.

[Waifed]

I think weekends are especially tough because they rid you of all of the hobbies that you had prior to them. Weekends are the time that they wanted you all to themselves.

[Ironmanrises]

I think I would feel a little better if I knew she was hurting as well.

She is hurting. And she will not admit that to you. Her running to someone else, means, she has not properly grieved the ending of your relationship. In time, that will surface, when she gets triggered, and all those "hurting" feelings she did not outwardly express, will explode on the new guy. And he will wonder, "where is that coming from?" And he will find himself in your current position. I know it hurts. One way to hurt someone is to not acknowledge that you yourself are hurting. Think about it, she knows by not showing you that, it will hurt you even more. That will not lessen your pain, I know. You have every right to hurt, you are trying to properly grieve the ending of the relationship. Hang in there.

[State85]

Ironmanfalls... .well said... thanks

[State85]

So she calls earlier. I don't answer, let it go to voice mail. I can tell she isn't at home. Wants me to call her back. For all I know she has my replacement with her. Even if she doesn't... .why call. I guess so I'll know she is out. I did text back with "you call".  Now no response over an hr later. Games... .I'm not playing games, yet she has no problem ripping my heart out again... .b@&$tch!

[Ironmanrises]

She got you to respond. That was what she wanted.

[State85]

You're right, I responded... .I slipped again. Damn it!

[Naddred369]

Ironmanfalls,

I totally agree that they arnt happy, they just hide the pain and hurt of the break up BUT it will come back and bite them in the ass!

In round2 I kept my eyes and ears open. She gave my replacement crap and he couldnt compete with who she made me out to be.

To all the world and FB she is in heaven, but I bet she still sleeps in my shirt!And he wont know it.

Yeah. She hurts.

State85: any communication positive or negative is a win for them. If you respond they know your on the hook and they will leave you dangling.

[Nicco]

She got you to respond. That was what she wanted.

I know it's wrong and just another lil victory of their disorder upon us.

I done it for the last time yesterday.I'll NEVER do it anymore... .for nothing in the world.i reached the bottom of this story.

Talking about weekends seems we all have the same sensations... .weekends are hard for me too and i thought the same as you often about this matter... .i wake up ALWAYS tired and depressed like after a 48hours no stop days of work... .i'm better during the week while i'm really working.

[Suzn]

I think weekends are especially tough because they rid you of all of the hobbies that you had prior to them. Weekends are the time that they wanted you all to themselves.

As hard as it is, here you have an opportunity. What activities can you think of just for you in this difficult time?

Any projects you've been putting off or haven't thought of?

Just a few ideas that may help. 

Remake your home as your own personal paradise. Ok not all at once here, maybe start with painting your living room a color you like. Or just your bedroom. Rearrange some furniture. Re-pot some plants. Start small if need be.

One of my favorites, plan a trip to the bookstore, browse new books that interest you. I can easily make an entire afternoon of this. The bookstore I go to has a coffee shop and you can enjoy a lovely drink as you browse the books.

Wash your car and detail it, inside and out.

Plan a dinner with a friend, or several friends, plan a menu and cook. Or plan a dinner out with a friend or family member.

Start a work out routine. This could simply be going for a long walk in an area that interests you. A hiking trail, along a river, etc... .

Anyone want to add to this list? The fun part State85, you get to choose.

[State85]

Suzn... .

I'm a runner, so running really clears my head. But she now has taken up too... .why, I don't know she used to hate to run...

[Suzn]

Suzn... .

I'm a runner, so running really clears my head. But she now has taken up too... .why, I don't know she used to hate to run...

I'm sorry, this is hard States.   

Here's the thought. We can't hold two thoughts at once, it's impossible. So... the act of thinking about what you can do, that interests you for your weekend, takes the place of the thoughts of her. It gives your mind a break from the ruminations. We've all been there, it's easier said than done however even starting small can help you through. Our thoughts of our exs return often enough don't they? This is something you can do for you, this puts you in control of your thoughts, even if just for a short time.

Running works for you, you don't have to give that up. Maybe choosing a new place to run would be helpful. Plus, running is just one activity, what else can you do to fill your time? Simply taking the time to ponder this can help. Does that make sense?

[State85]

Suzn

Yes... .thanks so much.

[TakingWingAtLast]

State,

SO there with you!   I can feel it slipping as Friday afternoon come on!  Bad morning when I woke up knowing that she was sleeping with a new lover right then. 

I have to exercise to get over it.   It helps out a lot.

But late at night, it comes a'creepin' back as fast as you can say, Yowza!  And it just sticks.  Last Saturday was really bad.   Called friends to help with it.  Cried for hours. 

I'm hoping this Saturday will be a little bit better!

Work through it State.  It's just all we can do!

D

I do pretty good throughout the week. But when the weekend comes it seems any progress I have made is in jeopardy. I just wonder what she is doing and who she is with. Of course it doesn't help when earlier in the week she'll slip in a comment in a text whether she has plans or not... .I hate this feeling... .

[State85]

Dependerg

Agreed. I try to just recount the abuse, verbal and physical, as well as things broken. This helps me a lot. Also, not contacting her which I think she expects me to do when she knows that I know she is with someone else. In the past I would slip on those nights and contact her. I really think she likes that,empowers her knowing I'm hurting... .and there are probably others she is doing this too at the same time as well... .

But now I fight through the temptation, and I know it bothers her. She is so used to guys texting or calling her... .she craves the attention. I know it bothers her cause she'll call and leave a voice mail, or text the next day with something like "what no response?" Usually from a text she would send me about something lame, while she's with the replacement.

A and now thinking back when we were in r/s, she was doing the same thing to someone else while with me... .always texting when with me... .sick!

[Turkish]

suzn  has good suggestions.  I'm going to a movie (a dark,  gritty one.  not an inane comedy like she watches).  book store,  then home to do laundry by which time she's hopefully taken the kids out for the afternoon.  this used to be part of my life for years,  so I'm so it again.  peace in solitude... .

[TakingWingAtLast]

Wow State,

That really sucks.   So uncool and demeaning.  Stay true man!  Get through this!

D

Dependerg

Agreed. I try to just recount the abuse, verbal and physical, as well as things broken. This helps me a lot. Also, not contacting her which I think she expects me to do when she knows that I know she is with someone else. In the past I would slip on those nights and contact her. I really think she likes that,empowers her knowing I'm hurting... .and there are probably others she is doing this too at the same time as well... .

But now I fight through the temptation, and I know it bothers her. She is so used to guys texting or calling her... .she craves the attention. I know it bothers her cause she'll call and leave a voice mail, or text the next day with something like "what no response?" Usually from a text she would send me about something lame, while she's with the replacement.

A and now thinking back when we were in r/s, she was doing the same thing to someone else while with me... .always texting when with me... .sick!

[Turkish]

suzn  has good suggestions.  I'm going to a movie (a dark,  gritty one.  not an inane comedy like she watches).  book store,  then home to do laundry by which time she's hopefully taken the kids out for the afternoon.  this used to be part of my life for years,  so I'm so it again.  peace in solitude... .

in the bookstore,  went strait to the section with BPD books... .I need to get out if this place.

[Surnia]

I feel with all of you, weekends are challenging, they are triggers, a lot of people are with their families. 

I would really recommend to take your space back. Doing things on weekends you gave up prior. Running, exercising, calling friends (without family  ), game evenings... .

Perhaps it needs some "enforcement" first. It will get better.

[Inside]

Mine had cultivated such an extensive network of party-pals it seemed I had to compete with them on the weekends … and they usually won.  Thus my weekends were often lonely even when we considered ourselves a couple…

When the weekdays hit, with me commuting to ‘her town’ daily to work… that’s when she’d often have me.  And though my weekends remain lonely, for now, I’ve concluded hers are even more so …those aren’t friends or lovers she’s with, there just people she uses to pretend she’s alive.  And, she’s not  

[Inside]

-- and laughing so hard … I also thought the bookstore visit would be healthy …till I envisioned myself in the ‘self help’ section looking up BPD!  Then this:

   

“in the bookstore,  went strait to the section with BPD books... .I need to get out if this place.”  -- Which reminds me, coming here helps so much, too.  Hang in there friends ... .if not literally

[State85]

Well said Inside... .

Using others to pretend she's alive!

My ex calls, I don't answer all day. Finally i do (I know NC). She sounds down, wondering what I did all day... why... .Cause nobody is paying her attention right now... .

I won't be a backup plan NO WAY!

[Turkish]

Well said Inside... .

Using others to pretend she's alive!

My ex calls, I don't answer all day. Finally i do (I know NC). She sounds down, wondering what I did all day... why... .Cause nobody is paying her attention right now... .

I won't be a backup plan NO WAY!

right on,  State.  keep that attitude. I  expect something similar at some point,  especially when she tires hanging around with children all of the time.

[State85]

Y'all

Ya I'm from the south... .so stop.

It's predictable. When I hear from her it's cause nobody is paying her attention. When I don't, it's cause she's occupied. Anybody relate to this?

But, when she text or calls... .we best react quickly... .awe... no, I don't think so.