I just blew up

[Bobbo]

Ok so I literally could not control myself any longer and I kinda feel better for it, I feel like I've been pushed and pushed to the point where I'm tired of fighting a losing battle, some of you will be aware of my story of trying to win the mother of my child back after an irrational fall out, well after 3 weeks of silence and cold treatment I snapped.

I was due to drop my son back to her house this evening, it was going to be the first time in 3 weeks we had been just me and her, every other time she has asked to meet me at her friends house, anyhows 2 hours before I'm due to drop him back I get this text message

Her- Can you drop him off at "friends" at quarter to six with my key please and can you pay for his lunch this month its £21"

Fifteen minutes later... .

Her- If you could put some money for food would be good as have nothin" (Bare in mind I've given her £480 in the last month)

I lost it a little, bad I know but I felt I had to stand some ground.

Me- Right we need to talk, this has gone on long enough and I'm not going to tolerate this hostility anymore.

You must have been so upset when "friends name" told you that I was talking with my ex. Anyone would be worried and angry in a situation like that.

Sorry I forgot to let you know I bumped into the ex.

I want to be with you, you're my soul mate, everything about you is special and amazing, we created a wonderful little boy, and we were looking forward to creating another little one, fate bought us together, my love for you is unconditional.

However if this continues like this then I am going to walk out of your life and I will only be there for my son and I won't be there at your beck and call, but I want you to know if that's what you honestly want, if you can honestly swear on our sons life that you do not want us as a family and you don't want the family life you so wanted for yourself and our son then it was you that pushed me away."

Her- "My beck and call... .when have you ever been? I told you weeks ago I was done"

Me- "You're making a big mistake."

Ok granted I know my reaction wasn't ideal, but I feel like I'm at the point where I'm beyond trying to fight for this anymore, I'm ground down and exhausted and now starting to believe she actually has had enough of me, so now it's time to walk away, with a heavy heart and sadness, but least I can take comfort in the fact I tried and although undisgnosed, I believe she has BPD and it's not entirely my fault, I will continue to research and learn to deal with this disorder for the sake of my son and his relationship with his mother in the future.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

We all loose it every now and then so dont beat yourself up on that point.

In this particular instance you are giving out mixed message threats and demands that just will create more defensive responses and set everything back further.

You said you were not going to tolerate this hostility. How? What are you going to do about it as a thought out planned reaction? Throwing a threat back just fuels it.

Think about these quotes

I'm not going to tolerate this hostility anymore

my love for you is unconditional

I am going to walk out of your life

swear on our sons life

you that pushed me away

You're making a big mistake

pwBPD hear in edited highlights this likely what she heard. You have all sorts of contradictions, invalidations  blaming,threats and embellishments happening. Only reaction you will get from a pwBPD to this is to fight back, and prove she is not making a mistake and indeed strengthen her resolve to make it your fault.

If you have your goals and boundaries more firmly established ahead of these crisis times you are less likely just to blurt out things like this.