Back in the saddle again...

[gena]

Strangely, I decided to look online for help, again, with my "situation" at home. And my email was already registered. I had forgotten I signed up here in 2007. When I read my posts I am sickened. Those issues are past, thank God, but other control issues and demands continue to control me and I have sadly added two children in the mix.

My two children mean the world to me and I know the life I brought them into is messed up. I feel horrible for what they are expected of in the future. THey are 3 and 5 so he spoils them right now but they just say "dads crabby" if their dad starts yelling.  But he really loses it on his 13 year old, mostly cause he thinks his mother is a POS and takes it out on him. Is that what he will do if I leave?

I have moved out two times and attempted(had deposit on apt, when he found out) another time. Each time he lures me back in with "you mean the world to me, Dont let the kids grow up with out two parents, I'll do anything to work this out". Now my whole family(and its a big one) has turned their backs on me. I really feel alone now. So it makes this completely messed up family, my only family. Last time I left (june 4, 2013)I got a restraining order(now lifted) and we have a child schedule with the courts, of course 50/50. But we live together again. He throws it in my face all the time that I left and he should take the kids and leave like I did.

He did allow me to go see my 98 yr old grandpa who had a stroke but when I was gone for more than 2 hours he lost it. Last week, he has manipulated his 18 year old daughter(whom I have raised since 9) to start texting him what I am doing. He also said I talk about her to him. I do not. He talks bad about everyone. But inturn she told him about a measly $50 I had stashed that my grandmother sent me for my birthday. The only reason I had told her about it is because she was upset that he takes her financial aid money and she is getting more and doesnt want him to take it. I said hid it like I did the $50. I have to ask to spend any money but he can order $2000 items. He tells his daughter to take money out of my purse and our bank cards and hid them. It makes me sick!

When he fights with me and I say I cant live like this, he says "Leave, you don't have a dollar to your name and your family hates you, your not taking the kids and you have no car. Take your f'ing dogs and get the "F" out. When he gets home(cause really, where am I gonna go?) and acts as if its another day. He might even initiate sex, if I say no, he starts the pattern all over and slams doors. If I dont answer my phone he asks who I am talking to and says "You better not be whining to anyone about how bad you have it." Hence scared to talk to anyone. He says he always finds out and he makes up that he hears things from his family when I don't even tell them anything.

If I don't shadow him all day and follow him around like he wants, he calls me constantly. For instance, I stayed home to work today(I am self employed.) He has called 23 times in the past 6 hours. Once I missed his call. He called about 2 minutes later and said "Wear that SOB on my neck so you know when I call". If I act frustrated AT ALL about him calling, he will curse me and hang up, then I will pay... .then he will verbally go off. And I will be a POS(in his eyes) and treated like I only exists if he needs a second helping of supper brought to him in his chair.

Last week I was told no song ring tones on the phone cause I missed his call, his ring tone was "Scream and Shout"(WillIAm), I thought it was so appropriate. So he made me change them.

I need support or I am afraid I might give up living for my kids... .

[living in the past]

Hi, just read your post,my prayers are with you tonight.glad your here.

[Surnia]

Hi gena

a big   and a warm welcome back. In the same time I am really sorry that you have to come back. Being isolated from your all your family is very hard.

And much harder all what you have to deal with! I think you need a lot of support.

Is he drinking again?

The RO was bc he got physical? If yes, does this continue?

Sorry to ask so many questions... .

Stay tuned this time, gena. We can support you.