transference?

[Johan]

if my ex spent 4yrs in therapy, and seen her acting like child, (obi comparing me to love she did not receive)

she even asked that its time for us to be mature/independant... .(i found this really mind-blowing, I'm independent 10yrs, her =none)

our breakup i seen her when pressured on questions she struggled with shout as if  she's about 5 r 6, i'l be honest, it scared me (really childish reactions)

I feel I'm n replace of her childhood trauma and i'm how she feels about trauma as a child... .what will happen the next time something happens? will it be back to original trauma, or back to our breakup (she did not grieve) i really hope not either as our breakup was terrible... .  and i dno how this works... ?

[heartandwhole]

Johan,

Some people with BPD have experienced childhood trauma/abuse.  When they get into a relationship with someone and get close, the original painful feelings of that time can be reawakened and the person may feel as if the trauma is happening now.  The coping mechanisms that a pwBPD learned in childhood don't work well in intimate adult relationships, so therapy is a good idea for them (and us) in order to learn healthy coping skills.

How are you dealing with the breakup these days?

[Johan]

Johan,

Some people with BPD have experienced childhood trauma/abuse.  When they get into a relationship with someone and get close, the original painful feelings of that time can be reawakened and the person may feel as if the trauma is happening now.  The coping mechanisms that a pwBPD learned in childhood don't work well in intimate adult relationships, so therapy is a good idea for them (and us) in order to learn healthy coping skills.

How are you dealing with the breakup these days?

A lot better than 1st months until recently smear campaign caught up with and has really embarrassed me.

I'm just wondering, does next relationship when/if it happens, will it be trauma of childhood, or will it be passed relationship repressed memories come back?

It was horrible breakup and some things were said... seeing her the other day and how she looked when she seen me terrified me.

Also another thing, she's only 23, and her family think all is fine cos she has finished therapy/meds... .so has moved 10,000 miles away for a year... .I know me worrying shouldn't be... but I'm trying to wonder if it will trigger what I said, or back to childhood trauma, or could she actually be ok now and the trauma stops with me.

I'm bad at wording this, sorry.

[MrFox]

I will preface my post by saying I am no way an expert on any of this.  I have no physiological background or training.  My knowledge comes from my own therapy, reading, and looking at my own childhood trauma.

In my opinion (emphasis on opinion) regardless of whether or not someone has BPD or not (Nons) it is the childhood traumas that come into play the most, and until they are dealt with, will continue to do so.  Significant wounding later in life, such as a failed relationship, most likely makes that wound a bit deeper, rips off the scab of the wound from childhood.  To put it simply, the childhood trauma will still be the biggest factor with a bit of failed relationship thrown in there.

Again, just my opinion and personal experience.

[Ironmanrises]

I experienced the trauma by my exUBPDgf in the very way she looked at me and reacted on the last few horrific days on my birthday in her house. I described it in an older post. Suffice to say, the look she gave me was as if I had done something so terrible to her and as if I was a complete stranger in her eyes. Up until that point in my life(besides her raging at me over phone in round 1),I had never experienced anything so f¥ck awful as that look with it's attending repulsive behavior towards only me. Whatever had been done to her in childhood and by whoever it was, is how I was being looked at and reacted upon as such. I still break down in tears when that memory surfaces in my mind. That was the actual splitting of her dual personality, I saw the Janus-faced entity appear before my eyes. Sad and horrific. Beyond words.