Anger Management Programs

[Depression = 72% of members]

UBPDh, active alcoholic has become increasingly angry and acting out in his anger.  It is getting very ugly and is resulting in increasing physicality.  And of course, anything that happens as a result of an outburst is never his fault.  I am at my wits end.  Has anyone had success in getting their partner involved in anger management classes/programs with successful completion?  At this point, I can't get H to recognize that he even contributes to any problems so it may be a moot point. 

Something needs to happen because DS21 and DS18 are beginning to hate H and DS13 wanted to know if other families are as crazy (and not in the Steve Martin "wild and crazy" way) as ours.

It's time for me to poop or get off the pot, I suppose... .

[martillo]

UBPDh, active alcoholic has become increasingly angry and acting out in his anger.  It is getting very ugly and is resulting in increasing physicality.  And of course, anything that happens as a result of an outburst is never his fault.  I am at my wits end.  Has anyone had success in getting their partner involved in anger management classes/programs with successful completion?  At this point, I can't get H to recognize that he even contributes to any problems so it may be a moot point. 

Something needs to happen because DS21 and DS18 are beginning to hate H and DS13 wanted to know if other families are as crazy (and not in the Steve Martin "wild and crazy" way) as ours.

It's time for me to poop or get off the pot, I suppose... .

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[martillo]

By the way, Al-anon has helped me stop trying to fix my H.  But I feel a certain responsibilityin maintaining some sort of "family sanity" for my kids.  They have been in counseling, but haven't learned yet that 1.  this is an illness and 2.  they can't do much except avoid the drama.

[KateCat]

martillo,

I have no personal experience with anger management programs, but I recently learned that (at least in one U.S. legal jurisdiction) such programs are not considered appropriate for people who have physically abused family members. These individuals will be required to attend, instead, "batterers' intervention" programs. It seems that the two types of therapy can be quite distinct, at least in some places.

Maybe you could discuss your family situation anonymously with local social service hotlines to get guidelines for programs near you.

[waverider]

Do you have some solid boundaries in place to prevent physical issues. These are immediate issues and no kind of anger management course will prevent this in the short term. Like any therapy, even if done with commitment, it is a slow evolution to change a personality.

While alcoholism is active it will be difficult to effect much, as anything learned goes out the window once alcohol anger is triggered.

Have your older kids left home yet? If not this is the kind of behavior that could cause them to do so, which will create a resentment in you.