Supernova9,
I, too, was in a relationship for 8 years. And yes, I was also in denial about it as well. But pwBPD don't have the same ideas about love and time that you and I do. That's the illness rearing it's ugly little head!
So, we suffer. For we have the capacity to mourn our losses. They do not. They move ahead as if it never existed. And in fact, in a weird way, it may not have existed in the same way that we though it did. And that's why it seems so very painful And the betrayal is what we feel when it really is that they do not seem to even get that there was a betrayal. In fact, in their mind, YOU betrayed them. That's because you abandoned them! Even if you got dumped abruptly, we are the ones who abandoned them. We are the ones to blame, because we are supposed so flawed that they had to let us go. This comes through so clearly through all the subsequent text messages I've received that it makes so much sense.
So, it's NOT you. Don't take ownership of this particular dynamic in the brain of a pwBPD. They hurt you because it's the nature of the illness that dictates their behavior.
Yes, it feels bad. Yes, you have to work through the loss and pain. But you have the capacity to care greatly. That is OUR strength as Nons. It just being applied to the wrong person, the pwBPD. Change that now! Care for you instead. It may seem selfish, but it is NOT. It's time for you to be the person to be taken care of.
I wish you well. And yes, to answer your questions, it HAS to be over.
All my very best,
D
I talked to his mom. My ex told her he wants to find someone just like me but without having all the issues. He thinks I was the problem. And maybe I was? My mind is a mess. She told me he has been cruel and angry with her since he moved in with her when he left me. She asked him if he thought he would just carry the same problems into a new relationship and he said no. He doesn't think he needs therapy and he doesn't think he's the problem. He told her he loves me but he isn't in love with me. I feel like I'm walking in a nightmare, I just can't seem to accept that the last 8 years were for nothing and that it's over. I mean I have logic.I know it's not healthy what we have been doing. But does it really have to be over? I mean why so black or white?