For future use. Denying visitation time

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I'm currently under threat of being denied visitation time with kiddos,so I'll provide updates,in hopes that it helps someone else in the future with a similar scenario.

The kiddos informed me that stbx was planning on having them on a certain weekend. I told them I didn't think so,but that me and mom would work it out and not to worry about it.

First thing I did was send an email to mom,explaining that the schedule says " basically visiting parent has this time".

I wait two days and get no response.

I send a certified return receipt requested letter with the same email to stbx.

I get a text later that night(before she gets the letter) that the kiddos told her that I was getting them for the weekend and that there is no way I'm doing so.

I explain the order via text and tell her I had sent an email and wouldn't discuss it except by email.

Later check my email and she's responded. Basically telling me she feels sorry for me for my not being able to understand the visitation schdule and that her answer is final and I'm not getting the 1st weekend of the next month either,because I will have had them too long anyway.

So, next day,email my attorney. She checks the schedule and agrees that I'm right about visitation and my understanding of the order.

As of now,she's filing a motion to follow the schedule. If the kiddos are denied visitation,this has set up the ability to file for contempt. My  hope is that I can get other issues addressed as well ,once we're in front of the judge.

This is how you go about using legal means to have an order followed and a paper trail to back it up. I'll let y'all know if/when things change.

[marbleloser]

I'm currently under threat of being denied visitation time with kiddos,so I'll provide updates,in hopes that it helps someone else in the future with a similar scenario.

The kiddos informed me that stbx was planning on having them on a certain weekend. I told them I didn't think so,but that me and mom would work it out and not to worry about it.

First thing I did was send an email to mom,explaining that the schedule says " basically visiting parent has this time".

I wait two days and get no response.

I send a certified return receipt requested letter with the same email to stbx.

I get a text later that night(before she gets the letter) that the kiddos told her that I was getting them for the weekend and that there is no way I'm doing so.

I explain the order via text and tell her I had sent an email and wouldn't discuss it except by email.

Later check my email and she's responded. Basically telling me she feels sorry for me for my not being able to understand the visitation schdule and that her answer is final and I'm not getting the 1st weekend of the next month either,because I will have had them too long anyway.

So, next day,email my attorney. She checks the schedule and agrees that I'm right about visitation and my understanding of the order.

As of now,she's filing a motion to follow the schedule. If the kiddos are denied visitation,this has set up the ability to file for contempt. My  hope is that I can get other issues addressed as well ,once we're in front of the judge.

This is how you go about using legal means to have an order followed and a paper trail to back it up. I'll let y'all know if/when things change.

[Nope]

Don't you just love it when they reinterpret visitation orders. If yours is anything like ours now that you've involved the court she'll just give you the kids for the time you are supposed to have them and complain that you are being selfish and not doing a good job working with her.  

The most annoying part for us when this happens is that money gets wasted paying the lawyer and since she doesn't end up actually stopping the visit she hasn't technically done anything wrong so we've lost that money for no reason other than we are dealing with someone who wants everything to be difficult.

We are having our own battle now over pick up time for the Christmas visit. She said she does not agree about the time we want to meet. Her round trip is 6 hours. Ours is 11 hours. We think we should get to say what time at least. She raged at my SO over the time he picked and is refusing to respond to any communication we attempt to work out a compromise. If she actually does keep this visit from happening I'll be very interested in comparing contempt filing notes with you.

[maxen]

Basically telling me she feels sorry for me for my not being able to understand the visitation schdule

[momtara]

Sorry to hear that she is costing you so much money and worry, but sounds like it will bring some issues to light that need to be brought to light. 

[marbleloser]

I hope so momtara. I'll update what works and what doesn't.

[livednlearned]

Basically telling me she feels sorry for me for my not being able to understand the visitation schdule

I think I have a couple of emails that say exactly the same thing. 

[marbleloser]

landl, I'm a stickler for details. This is just another jab at making me feel inadequate. I don't fall for that crap anymore. It doesn't phase me,but it does show the judge the kind of communication we have. 

[livednlearned]

landl, I'm a stickler for details. This is just another jab at making me feel inadequate. I don't fall for that crap anymore. It doesn't phase me,but it does show the judge the kind of communication we have. 

That realization, that you don't fall for the crap anymore... .that is a priceless state of mind. Hang on to that!

[marbleloser]

Last night,my visitation time was denied,so I gave the go ahead to file for contempt. Today, a slight twist.

Stbx had a wreck with our 10 yr old S in the car. I had the 9 year old,because of engagements they had and she couldn't be in two places at once. 10 year old is ok,but stbx was beat up pretty bad from the wreck,so I have them overnight tonight because she can't care for them. It took some persuading,but she finally relented because of being in so much pain and I pointed out that she was on pain medicine and muscle relaxers.

I missed one overnight so far,but will be getting tonight from the events that took place earlier this morning.

[ForeverDad]

You didn't mention whether alcohol was involved in the accident.

This makes it harder for you since now you're getting an extra overnight, maybe a few?  Or is this your weekend anyway?  Fact remains that an accident doesn't excuse prior noncompliance.

[overwhelmedandconfused]

I understand what you are going through trying to get your kiddos.

I too am fighting visitation for my child not by my BPD stbx, but from his parents who used their finances to rush to the courts and convince a judge that DV was a verbal argument that led to a protection order. GPs are to have physical custody and are supposed to facilitate visitation. Since the incident two days after Thanksgiving, I have not been allowed to see my daughter, I was barred from even taking cupcakes to her preschool director last week, and I have been allowed to speak with my daughter for minutes only four times. I have recorded the conversations which essentially demand return of his personal property (a violation of the protection order) and demands for me to go to the courts to drop my D from the protection order, neither of which am I doing. I have told my FIL that the father must go through proper channels to get property and that the judge put the order in place for a reason, not by my request. So I am impatiently awaiting a court hearing on Monday. Our case was moved from family court to integrated domestic violence court, which is excellent, because the judge will have all of the facts of the case, not base a decision on limited knowledge of the criminal court proceedings.

I am hopeful as everyone is on my side for full custody to be returned to me, but fear that they may try to abscond the area to keep that child from me, even if the courts rule that she be returned to me.

Good luck in dealing with the messes of your visitation. Hopefully we can both get some peace and resolution and in the meantime stay strong.

[marbleloser]

FD there was no alcohol involved. She was hit from the rear. Car was totalled. She was texting me at the time,but it still doesn't excuse getting hit from the rear at such a speed that it pushed the back of the car into the backseats.

I'm still going ahead with contempt,because had this not happened,I wouldn't have had the kids one night.

overwhelmed,

I've been going through this for almost a year and a half,with no court hearing yet. It's very slow. The main thing for you to focus on is spending as much time as you can with your kid. You have to keep on living as well. You can't stop and focus just on your court case. I did that for a long time and it puts alot of pressure on a person. We all need a little R&R time,even when going through something like custody cases.

You'll probably have to take baby steps getting your kid back. It's just the way courts work,once your time has been taken away. Don't give them any reason to keep your child. Use this time to research caselaw in your state also.

[marbleloser]

Correction: I'm holding off on contempt and will bring it up at the final hearing,in light of recent events.

[ForeverDad]

FD there was no alcohol involved. She was hit from the rear. Car was totalled. She was texting me at the time, but it still doesn't excuse getting hit from the rear at such a speed that it pushed the back of the car into the backseats.

More and more states don't allow texting while driving.  Just because she got hit from behind doesn't mean her actions or inactions didn't contribute to the accident.

Years ago I knew an old lady in the community, she was gradually getting slower and more forgetful, she refused to stop driving but somehow so many people hit her.  Were those people accident prone?  No, she just did just enough wrong that some of the other people on the road weren't expecting her to be that slow or whatever.  Their fault legally but she had contributed.

[marbleloser]

That's true FD. I'll have to leave that up to the insurance companies and investigators though.

I know by the timeline of events that she was texting. I didn't know she was driving at the time.

If they check the 911 call from the vehicle and the phone records,they'll be able to piece it together.

I'm speculating that the other driver was texting also.

[Free One]

Thanks for sharing your story.

[overwhelmedandconfused]

So hopefully your visitation is going better. Keep all the documentation you can, at least in my state transcription of phone calls is admissible in court, so are texts and even what you post on social media.

I was in fact able to get my daughter back on the 23rd, no baby steps, my in laws had two hours to pack her up and have her to me in my area. This was not an easy feat for them. It has been wonderful after a month of only a few minutes of phone calls. My life is back on track, still nervous when my home looks different than when I left, but nothing inside touched, so odd feeling. I am very cautious since I am fleeing DV from my stbxBPDh, with a restraining order, but always concerned when returning after a few hours away.

Again, document and stay strong for your kiddos, I know how hard it is. Hopefully, your journey will get easier.

[marbleloser]

Update: Apparantly this judge takes contempt pretty serious. After filing for the motion to enforce the visitation schedule,the judge set a hearing for February 4th.That was quick!

Of course,when I dropped the motion,the judge agreed to set aside. But,it does show that the court doesn't like a parent saying they're not going to abide by the order if nothing else. Lesson to anyone even thinking of that.