So you need a court order to set the schedule, so she can't jerk you around. There is no reason she gets to make this decision. You can probably file a motion for the court to set temporary orders. Ask for whatever you think is right, but courts usually set a schedule similar to how things are now. At least then you will have time with the kids based on the court order and not your wife's mood.
The court order is still in process. I want everything hashed out in a schedule for a year. Especially holidays and school breaks. I don't room for ambiguity to create conflict.
Thanks Matt. I had not thought of temporary orders. I'm going to take that back to my lawyer and start setting it now, before the initial court order is done. I've noticed that she changes times often and sometimes days, usually I don't get the short end of the stick. I'm sensing she purposely does this for a reason to keep communicating with me. It's secondary, but I'll file.
I would suggest that you be there if you can, or talk to the doctor both before and after the appointment. Don't let your wife establish a relationship with the doctor that might suck her into your wife's view of things, and don't allow the doctor to be used in some way. Sometimes people with BPD project medical problems onto their kids, and get doctors to see things their way, instead of making their own objective evaluation.
I'm glad that I posted Matt. This I had not even considered and can be applied to other situations with doctors, teachers, etc. Thank you.
This is probably all good, though it may not feel good. Don't seek direct contact with either your wife or the other guy - that could backfire big-time. E-mail is good because it leaves a paper trail. (But of course you need to think twice before you hit "Send"... .)
I started doing this because every time that I went to the door, she was dressed up or getting ready (make-up, dresses she used to wear at formal things with me) to go out with the replacement. It hurt to see that. Why not wait? Then it changed to safety. I cannot trust her. She had charged me a few years back for assault for her attack. I'm not re-visiting that.
As far as direct contact with either. As hard as it was, I leave them to their own devices. She wouldn't want me near him in fear that I said something about her that, like the truth.
None of my business as far as I'm concerned. I'm getting divorced and don't want her back.
That's probably good too. If you have reason to be concerned about him, talk to your attorney about maybe researching him a little - you can easily find out if he has a criminal record for example. But it is best to stay focused on the kids, not your wife or the new guy.
I cannot trust anything that she says. Take away the words and look at the actions. She met him through our old neighbors upstairs. Both toxic. I'll get the information straight from the horses mouth. I'll take this to L too. She puts her needs above the kids. I'm not too concerned. Can never be too careful either.
Does your attorney have experience with high-conflict cases? Have you communicated your objectives for the outcome of this case to her? And does she buy into them?
I would strongly suggest you read "Splitting" by William A. Eddy, and/or check out his web site,
www.HighConflictInstitute.com. He writes about how cases involving someone with BPD or NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) are different from other cases. Where many of us have struggled is in using an attorney who doesn't understand that difference, and wants to handle the case like 95% of cases - "collaborative" approaches that just don't work when the opposing party has a psychological disorder.
First thing I asked L was if he had heard of BPD, which he said that he did. Later he said "she would show symptoms".
He's not experienced with it.
He said either way I'll get you 50/50. I told him I don't care how we get there, just get me there.
My wife knows I want 50/50. She doesn't want me to. She said in her response that she needs to stay at home for the children's needs because they are young. I have not collaborated any other objectives with her if that's what you mean. I recognize that it's a divorce and I don't divulge personal information as if she was a significant other. I have borrowed Bill Eddy's book from the library, have not read the book. I'll buy it off Amazon. I have gone to his website and checked it out. I will go back and read more to become familiar and knowledgeable.
Can I refer my L to that site? I do intend on nudging him if I think he's collaborating. Recently she was triggered and sent off a bunch of e-mails, and honestly I was surprised about the distortions she's been telling the kids. It was a chance to peek inside her mind and see what she's been telling people.
