Paranoia

[musicfan42]

I was upset the other day about my relationships. I didn't know who to talk to about this so I decided to ring a helpline number. Unfortunately, the male volunteer was really unhelpful. At one point, I felt that he was basically accusing me of paranoia. I just knew that he hadn't been in an abusive relationship- that he just didn't know what it was like and that he had no business insinuating that I was paranoid.

But this whole episode makes me wonder- how do you know if you're paranoid or not? I'm suspicious of everyone but that just seems normal to me. Surely it's stupid to trust other people?

[Perfidy]

The only person you can trust is your mother and your dad will tell you differently. I hear ya musicfan. I walk every morning and every evening. This thought came to my mind last night ... .About trust. I'm at a loss where it comes to trust. I sometimes think I can't even trust myself. I have self confidence in just about everything I do except relationships with women. After the last r/s with a pwBPD this became a factor. Previously it wasn't an issue. Apparently I was too trusting. Trust a snake to be a snake. All of the disordered thinking and acting... .I still trusted. My bad.

[Jbt857]

I hear you Perfidy, but don't let them ruin who you are. You take people at face value and that is something to be cherished. Its one thing I absolutely refuse for my ex to take from me. I've had other guys in the past who were non-BPD who have also abused my trust, but thats what makes me who I am. I'm a good person. i have a good heart. I take people at face value. its the essence of who I am. I don't want a hard heart like them.

He can take my identity, my sense of self, my whole reason for my existence, but he's not taking that. Don't let them win, by becoming like them. Just look very carefully for others you can surround yourself with who are like you.

[musicfan42]

Yeah... .I can relate to what you said there Perfidy. I'm good at everything aside from relationships. I have feelings of mistrust about myself and others.

I've realized that relationship issues definitely trigger off anxiety and depression in me. I wasn't aware of that before whereas now I am and it's something I'm going to keep an eye on going forward. I have a reluctance to discuss relationship issues openly but that's because I don't trust anyone... it's such a vicious circle! I feel overwhelmed about it but I'm trying to be proactive about it.

I googled "paranoia" online- just to see what exactly paranoia is defined as. Knowledge is power after all.

Then I googled more and found out that feelings of self-doubt and mistrust of others are common after abusive relationships. That was a relief to learn!

I also looked up a WRAP plan for myself-just to keep an eye on triggers etc.

I don't think I've solved this issue fully by any means however I feel better about it now... that I'm taking some steps and that I'm willing to try some new things out.

[Perfidy]

Musicfan... The "after abusive relationships" part... .umm... .Question. I know she was abusive. Now... she has apparently no problem trusting her next in line. Our relationship was abusive. Damn... There I go again! Wondering if that lack of trust applied to her as well. But then... Who cares. I hate that. When that's gone I'll be cured.

[musicfan42]

How do you know that she trusts her new boyfriend? You're not a mind reader- you can't read her mind. I mean that in the kindest way possible- I'm sure it's tempting to wonder what she's thinking but the thing is, it's out of your control... Focus on what you CAN control- your own thoughts, feelings, actions.

[an0ught]

How do you know that she trusts her new boyfriend? You're not a mind reader- you can't read her mind. I mean that in the kindest way possible- I'm sure it's tempting to wonder what she's thinking but the thing is, it's out of your control... Focus on what you CAN control- your own thoughts, feelings, actions.

Now you are already coaching others how to untwist their thinking. Musicfan42, what sort of paranoia is that, where should that end?   I can see a grave danger that you are getting healther 

We all tend to speculate, twist and think a lot less logical than we often believe. Especially when being depressed our thinking is not so straight-forward. The problem with twisted thinking is that it keeps us stuck. Being able to recognize twisted thinking and challenge it (like musicfan42) is a valuable skill that helps us becoming more resilient. If you have not looked at it here is: 10 Twisted Ways of Thinking.

[musicfan42]

Now you are already coaching others how to untwist their thinking. Musicfan42, what sort of paranoia is that, where should that end?   I can see a grave danger that you are getting healther 

LOL... Yeah I know... it's ironic how I post asking for advice and then end up giving it!

I can definitely see where Perfidy is coming from too though. I've done that whole "I wonder what my ex is doing now" thing in my head before and it just led to a downward spiral... .made me feel depressed so that's pretty much why I don't do it anymore.

[Perfidy]

Now you are already coaching others how to untwist their thinking. Musicfan42, what sort of paranoia is that, where should that end?   I can see a grave danger that you are getting healther 

LOL... Yeah I know... it's ironic how I post asking for advice and then end up giving it!

I can definitely see where Perfidy is coming from too though. I've done that whole "I wonder what my ex is doing now" thing in my head before and it just led to a downward spiral... .made me feel depressed so that's pretty much why I don't do it anymore.

True... I do catch myself. I know it isn't healthy. I'm aware of it and trying to do something about it. When that's gone I'll be cured!