Ex's generousity?

[Emb922]

I posted here a few days ago that I learned my ex may have found a replacement. I'm still reeling from that news. I'm have a hard time getting over her. We separated 5 months ago. She and I have two small children together and no contact is not possible, as I have to see her almost everyday for pick up and drop off of children, as well as helping the children through their nighttime phone contact. They are 5 and 4 and don't handle the phone very well or will put it down and go play. Anyway, I'm not sure she knows I know about the replacement. Regardless, she will still make more than they can eat for dinner and put in Tupperware and bring to me at drop off. She texts Merry Christmas. Gives me framed pictures of the children as a gift. She is nice and ruthless at the same time. She says she believes in God and being kind. However, she turned everyone against me, told numerous lies, abandoned me, broke up our family, accepts no blame for anything. She is a very good cook and is it hard to make a good dinner for the children every night so I accept the leftovers. Should I? All of this just feels strange.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

That's rough! It's hard knowing that and having to see her. Sorry!

As far as her generosity if you feel like it doesn't hurt you to take it I would. There's nothing wrong with it. For One you have kids together so need to be civil for them and 2 like you said its hard to cook when you are busy. Look at it as her contribution to the family. You still are a family in many ways whether you are intact or not. You share children. And it doesn't hurt that she is a good cook either. And it's a sin to waste food right!

[Emb922]

It just feels like she stabbed me with a knife and I'm slowly fading and she is offering me water. Wouldn't the kind thing be to not stab me in the first place? If I don't accept what she offers, she tells the children, Daddy is an angry person.

[free-n-clear]

she will still make more than they can eat for dinner and put in Tupperware and bring to me at drop off. She texts Merry Christmas. Gives me framed pictures of the children as a gift.

     Hi Emb. Sounds like you have the basis for a reasonably civil, co-operative and functioning co-parenting arrangement happening. As hard as it is, you need to try to separate your hurt and anger from your need to deal with her regarding the kids. As the youngest is only 4, you're looking at another 14 years of very regular contact with her, and perhaps less regular contact beyond that.

     The best possible outcome for your kids is to have a good relationship with both their parents, regardless of whether you reconcile, or one or both of you re-partner. Of course, looking after yourself is critical, not only for your own welfare, but for your ability to effectively parent.

     I'd strongly advise against asking the kids about their Mums' new 'friend'. If they tell you things of their own accord, that's fine, but if you're asking them, that'll get back to Mum and cause more trouble than any information you may have got is worth. More to the point, it's not fair on the kids. They love their Dad and they love their Mum, as it should be, and it's wrong to expect them to "take sides" or "spy" for you.

     I know you're hurting, angry and confused, so make sure you make good use of the resources here, Emb.

It's always darkest just before the dawn.