equipped for dealing with BPD coworkers or bosses?

[Alastor]

FreedomReign's post about a BPD colleague got me thinking. Have any of your encountered BPD colleagues? And if so, how have you handled it?

I ask because I had a (very) high-functioning NPD/BPD boss at one point. Unfortunately it was before I realized what BPDmom's diagnosis was and therefore what I was dealing with regarding my boss.

Over the course of my employment there, he:

- had driven a few hundred miles in the middle of the night to "surprize" his then girlfriend (read: to check if she was cheating on him); he later hired her as an employee and proceeded to have huge fights with her in the hallway

- told me that his plan was to "break arrogant employees down and make them feel this big (*making sign of a tiny man between fingers and thumb*) in order to mould them back up again"

- installed spyware on the company PCs to monitor instant messages (which eventually were making fun of him, e.g. by using the   emoticon to refer to him)

- demoted an employee, then demanded that she pay back the difference in her salary retroactively between her previous position and the one to which she was demoted (she was there as a foreigner on a work permit, so her options were limited)

- moved "bad" employees into what we called the "dog house" - between his office and the toilets, where he would give them bad looks all day and basically monitor them

- use the instant messenger to terrorize employees. Messages would pop up incessantly during the day with stuff like "where is XX? What are you doing right now? What is your office mate doing?"

- terrorized one employee so badly that he ended up off on stress leave and medication, then he refused to pay him. It ended up in court. The employee won but was still stuck with lots of legal bills.

- as with all things BPD, this is just a small sampling of the craziness that went on. Although it eventually ended when the lawyers and evidence started to build up, he really brainwashed the other managers and owners for years.

I handled it... .surprizingly well. I helped several employees file complaints against him, never got really frustrated, was only blackened myself right at the end shortly before I left. Perhaps my experience with my BPDmom equipped me well? Who else has had to deal with a BPD boss or co-worker? And how did it go?

[Sitara]

Isn't it amazing how people like this end up in management positions?  Someone else recently asked a similar question and I went into more detail here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=216070.msg12362812#msg12362812 

But to answer your specific questions, I didn't handle it great, but I could have handled it worse.  His biggest thing was silent treatment which drove me insane.  I could ask him an important work-related question and he'd just pretend not to hear me when I was standing inches away.  When I started he wasn't actually my boss but eventually got promoted.  He had issues with nearly everyone in the building and he was the one to get promoted.  I left because I couldn't trust that someone who hated me, treated me like he was trying to run me out, and was unable to interact professionally would give me honest reviews and raises.  In my case he had the behaviors which most triggered me, so I had a really hard time dealing with him.  I usually ended up fuming and just walking away.  It got slightly better after talking to the boss above him, but it never was great.  I am so glad to be out of that place.

[Sdmfoster]

Hi Alistor, I am the OP from the other thread Sitara linked to. I can say categorically, that no, my experience with my mother, with whom I have been NC for 20-odd year, did NOT prepare me to work with another person with BPD, especially someone who has some power over me. I am looking into therapy, as the counselling I have done so far has not been effective in helping me deal, and all the triggering that has been happening over the last year has me in a complete mess. Worst is the gaslighting - that turning into the innocent Waif when confronted about her behavious - it makes me shut down completely. One day I cried for almost two hours after a meeting with the BPD coworker and my boss. My DH thought I was going crazy.

If you find something that works for you, please do share!