Just got an email after 8 weeks NC

[Tincup]

Ugh, I just received an email from my ex uBPDgf.  I read it only because I have a preview pane on my email and it was a short email.  She wanted to know if I still had a $2 item of hers.  Why do they send emails like this?  It didn't send me back, which is good.  I think I am coming out of the FOG but today is not sunny.  It did get to me a bit... .I hate this.  The way my marriage broke up (even with the affair my ex wife was having) was way easier for me to deal with than the relationship breakup with my pwBPD... .is there brain surgery to get rid of her from my brain?

[babyspook]

She just fishing and hoping you take the bait.  It's a common tactic to reinitiate contact with someone over something trivial and seemingly innocent.  That's how it starts.  Baby steps!

[State85]

Had similar thing happen to me last week. A text asking if I was going to pay for the paint she used to help me paint inside of my house. We did this months ago, and now I get this text. I responded, probably shouldn't have, but did and took the opportunity to remind her of the damage she caused at my house. And that damage far outweighed the cost of some paint.

They're fishing... .anything to initiate some type of contact.

[sirensong65]

I think the surgery is referred to as a Lobotomy.  And if you find a reputable surgeon, sign me up.  Maybe with both of us willing, we will get a discount. 

[Tincup]

Ok everyone, please promise me that there are good women out there that don't have a personality disorder? Please don't attack me for the blanket statement, but that is all I see right now... maybe its me that is crazy?

[sirensong65]

Hey!  I'm a woman and I don't resemble that remark in ANY respect!    This isn't reserved for one gender or another Tincup.  Read some of my posts and others from GOOD women who loved them perfectly and were tossed in File #9 like a gum wrapper.

[Tincup]

Thanks Siren, I was doing ok until yesterdays email.  Not sure why I let these things bother me.  Life was so much easier before I met her and knew about BPD... .

[Cardinals in Flight]

I'm a GREAT woman 

But umm, not your type, .

Seriously, it would both thrill and disgust me to get any type of communication at this point.  Why? I'd still be on her radar instead of feeling like I was discarded so easily after so much time and emotional investment, this really gets to the core of abandonment and feeling worthless and unloveable.  But? Those are core issues and learning to deal and know differently has been a gift, a gift and a bitter pill all at the same time.

CiF

[sirensong65]

I was doing AWESOME when I met my ex.  I think that was actually throwing down the gauntlet for him.  "here's a gal that is happy and secure... .there has to be a soft underbelly I can ram rod somewhere under there... ."

And he found it.  Years of self work and building after my divorce 5 years ago down the toilet.

I'm crawling back out of the rabbit hole.  I have been scaling the damn side for weeks.  MY nails are filthy and caked with dirt but damn it, I am getting outta here.

Who's with me?

[Tincup]

Siren--I think my story is exactly like yours (except I am a guy... .).  I was almost out of the damn hole until yesterday.  I realize I gave her the power to push me down some.  I am with you, let's get the hell out of this hole.

[Cardinals in Flight]

I'm with you!

Have you seen the sweet story on Facebook about the little donkey in a well? The owner said it was old so he'd just bury it?  The neighbors all came and started shoveling dirt on top of him, (really?) anyway, the little donkey began to shake off the shovel loads of dirt and stepping up on top until he was out!  Paraphrased but y'all get the drift  

CiF

[Tincup]

you calling me a donkey

[Cardinals in Flight]

Omg ... .ummm no, it could've been a kitten 

[sirensong65]

No, but my ex is a horses ass... .

Yeah, I saw the donkey story...

I agree with the others here, Tin Cup.  Keep posting, keep engaging here with us.  It has been a God send for me and I am sure it will help you too.

I will also say I was opposed to the NO CONTACT rule when everyone on here was shouting it from the rooftops.  You know, I was at the stage where I thought in the back of my mind, "what if I am wrong and he isn't BPD, or a jerk and I want him back and he WANTS to come back?"  Yes, and what if Santa is real, the tooth fairy exists and there ARE bunnies that crap chocolate eggs!  OH, I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, I DO, I DO!

My point, make yourself and your fortress impenetrable.  BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK.  If they try to send something via carrier pigeon, have a cannon on the roof set to fire!

Contact isn't good for us, it is a fools errand.  Contact ONLY BENEFITS THEM and THEIR AGENDA.  And the agenda is solely to feed their sad empty pit of a soul.

I remember days I would hold his face in my hands and say, "honey... I wish I could pull  out of my heart what I feel and think of you and place it in your chest like the electromagnet in Iron Mans chest, so you could feel better about WHO you are."

Now I realize its not my job anymore or my concern.  

[Tincup]

Siren--I have to agree with everything you just said (bunnies that crap chocolate eggs just made me spit coffee all over my computer screen from laughing though).  You would think after probably 10 recycles that I would learn. 

[sirensong65]

Tin Cup.  You caught me in a decent place.  I cried my eyes out a few hours ago and thought, "no not this, not day, not again... ."

We FEEL... isn't that great?  I say this sarcastically.  But, we ARE decent people and that is why we hurt and they don't cause there's some faulty wiring in their attic.

All the synapses don't fire correctly and we were the lucky ones, we thought THEY thought we were special and we liked that.

I liken them to spiders and cats now.  Webs of lies and deception.  Just waiting for me to get close enough that my stiletto gets stuck in his sticky web so he can wrap my heart up in silk and devour it.  Like a cat cause he was sneaky all the time and knocking hit over when all was calm.

SCAT, get the hell  outta here!  Shoo!

I'm So over it.