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BPDFamily.com
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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
She told me...
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Topic: She told me... (Read 460 times)
Perfidy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced/18 years Single/5 months that I know of.
Posts: 1594
She told me...
«
on:
December 30, 2013, 02:23:28 PM »
" I'm with someone else now. He said he loves me. Will you change the oil in my car?" Did you laugh? I'm still laughing. These are the kinds of minds we were dealing with. This really happened. I said " What the heck! You got another guy now have him do it!" She replied "He won't. He said he won't work on my car." This came behind a seven and a half year relationship. These are the kinds of minds you are trying to figure out. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. The point I'm trying to make here is that it is utterly pointless until you have the realization that it's yourself you need to figure out. Excuse me, I need to go do an oil change.
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sadinnc98
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 256
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #1 on:
December 30, 2013, 02:27:13 PM »
What? Are you serious? Actually I am not really surprised-the way the minds of these people work is just crazy and irrational.
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MrConfused
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Painted black and discarded
Posts: 97
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #2 on:
December 30, 2013, 02:33:26 PM »
Excerpt
Excuse me, I need to go do an oil change.
You haven't seriously have you?
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Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12176
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #3 on:
December 30, 2013, 02:33:36 PM »
Quote from: Perfidy on December 30, 2013, 02:23:28 PM
" I'm with someone else now. He said he loves me. Will you change the oil in my car?" Did you laugh? I'm still laughing. These are the kinds of minds we were dealing with. This really happened. I said " What the heck! You got another guy now have him do it!" She replied "He won't. He said he won't work on my car." This came behind a seven and a half year relationship. These are the kinds of minds you are trying to figure out. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. The point I'm trying to make here is that it is utterly pointless until you have the realization that it's yourself you need to figure out. Excuse me, I need to go do an oil change.
oh I fully expect things like this to go on with mine, especially considering she is attracted to narcissistic man boys. they want us to fill the needs that they can't get filled with another, because their needs are bottomless. good for you for standing up to it. I expect it a long while until mine finds another one like me. not like Turkish, but someone with the codependent rescuer qualities.
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“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
imstronghere2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 191
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #4 on:
December 30, 2013, 02:42:25 PM »
Quote from: Perfidy on December 30, 2013, 02:23:28 PM
"
I'm with someone else now. He said he loves me. Will you change the oil in my car?
" Did you laugh? I'm still laughing. These are the kinds of minds we were dealing with.
WOW! ROFL! That was great. I'm far enough out that I can appreciate the humor in this. My exwBPD said similar things before I went NC for good. At the time, like your reaction we're all "What the heck?" but looking back it's just funny.
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arn131arn
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: living apart
Posts: 826
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #5 on:
December 30, 2013, 03:13:45 PM »
This is the conversation she had a week ago with my mom. This is after SHE moved out, left all her belongings at MY house for 3 months.
Her: I am going to be getting my own place (she's been staying at her sister's house), I was wondering if I could come pick up all the furniture to furnish my new apartment (I paid for all of the furniture).
My mom: You are going to have to talk to (insert name here) about that.
Her: He doesn't want to speak to me anymore.
My mom: I think he bought all that furniture.
Her: Well, I think I deserve it, and the engagement ring.
What the heck! Entitlement... .OK, I know now I don't have BPD, I have never thought I was entitled to anything, and I have always worked hard to get what I want
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Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12176
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #6 on:
December 30, 2013, 03:22:55 PM »
Quote from: arn131arn on December 30, 2013, 03:13:45 PM
This is the conversation she had a week ago with my mom. This is after SHE moved out, left all her belongings at MY house for 3 months.
Her: I am going to be getting my own place (she's been staying at her sister's house), I was wondering if I could come pick up all the furniture to furnish my new apartment (I paid for all of the furniture).
My mom: You are going to have to talk to (insert name here) about that.
Her: He doesn't want to speak to me anymore.
My mom: I think he bought all that furniture.
Her: Well, I think I deserve it, and the engagement ring.
What the heck!
Entitlement... .OK, I know now I don't have BPD, I have never thought I was entitled to anything, and I have always worked hard to get what I want
That's the Queen behavior. Mine thought she was entitled to having her name on my house. I was able to get it through a connection of hers, but I always paid the mortgage and provided the most for everything. I made the down payment and did almost all of the sweat equity into it. She still wants some type of "severance package" even though we were not married. She even refused to leave the house two months ago, the last bad argument we had, actually. I told her she could take the furniture (she did buy all of it except for the beds and kids' stuff), but she didn't want to. I guess I'll take that as an exchange of funds for the furniture I don't even like. She's the one who cheated and left me, yet she will be the struggling waif mother of two... .that's the image she puts out to the world. As if her choices were driven by me. I hate that she admits the truth to me (that she knows she is "sick", yet projects something different to the world. At least all of my friends and family believe me, thankfully.
I worked hard for my own stuff, too. Mine trumpets her independence, denies I "took care of her" (alternating between calling me a "good provider"... .which is it?), yet wants to be taken care of. So disordered.
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“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Clearmind
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5521
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #7 on:
December 30, 2013, 07:30:25 PM »
Perfidy, she sees the relationship differently to you and sees the break up differently to you. Is she attempting to use you? No. Does she believe that once a relationship has ended that you move on as quickly as she has/does? Yes.
Borderlines always think that you can be friends after the fact while we still are reeling. She has processed the demise of the relationship by blocking it out, minimising the emotions and hurt/shame she feels about herself by shutting down emotionally.
Is there a reason why her behaviour towards you shocks you - knowing what you know now?
What can you do to move forward?
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Waifed
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1026
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #8 on:
December 30, 2013, 07:37:57 PM »
Quote from: Clearmind on December 30, 2013, 07:30:25 PM
Perfidy, she sees the relationship differently to you and sees the break up differently to you. Is she attempting to use you? No. Does she believe that once a relationship has ended that you move on as quickly as she has/does? Yes.
Borderlines always think that you can be friends after the fact while we still are reeling. She has processed the demise of the relationship by blocking it out, minimising the emotions and hurt/shame she feels about herself by shutting down emotionally.
Is there a reason why her behaviour towards you shocks you - knowing what you know now?
What can you do to move forward?
Why do they want to remain friends? To recycle later?
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Perfidy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Divorced/18 years Single/5 months that I know of.
Posts: 1594
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #9 on:
December 30, 2013, 07:43:04 PM »
[quote author=Perfidy link=topic=216572.msg12366564#msg12366564 date=These are the kinds of minds you are trying to figure out. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. The point I'm trying to make here is that it is utterly pointless until you have the realization that it's yourself you need to figure out.[/quote]
Clearmind... .This was the meat of my post.
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Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
Online
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12176
Dad to my wolf pack
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #10 on:
December 30, 2013, 08:04:36 PM »
Quote from: Waifed on December 30, 2013, 07:37:57 PM
Quote from: Clearmind on December 30, 2013, 07:30:25 PM
Perfidy, she sees the relationship differently to you and sees the break up differently to you. Is she attempting to use you? No. Does she believe that once a relationship has ended that you move on as quickly as she has/does? Yes.
Borderlines always think that you can be friends after the fact while we still are reeling. She has processed the demise of the relationship by blocking it out, minimising the emotions and hurt/shame she feels about herself by shutting down emotionally.
Is there a reason why her behaviour towards you shocks you - knowing what you know now?
What can you do to move forward?
Why do they want to remain friends? To recycle later?
mine wants to for a number of reasons. She never had a problem with me as a father, so she wants me there for that. she'd never admit it to anyone else, but has to me, that I handle them better. I am also the only one with whom she talks/ talked about her depression and now what she calls her being " sick". She said she is looking for someone to " lead and guide" her (a guru I guess), but what she doesn't realize is that no one like that, as dysfunctional as it is anyway, is going to do that and also put up with the BPD behaviors. considering she is attracted to narcissistic boy men, I'll probably be the only " adult" friend she'll have for a very long time. She chats with a former co worker who moved away, a psych major. I'm sure he isgiving her advice, but he had no idea what he is really fdealing with. and I'll bet she only tells part of the truth to him, too. those are the specific reasons why mine wants to keep me in her life. I'll be at some better point when she will inevitably contact me when a future r/s goes sour I'm sure of it. she'll eventually find another caretaker/ sugar daddy type like me, but not for a long time I think. she'll process our r/s almost entirely wrong, and I have no desire to help her in that regard. all in all, she shared a fifth of her life with me, and it was significant. I think it's natural to want to cling to some of that. me? don't care if I never talked to our saw her again, but then I don't have unnatural attachment issues. I'll admit to being a little schizoid, though.
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“For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Clearmind
Retired Staff
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 5521
Re: She told me...
«
Reply #11 on:
December 30, 2013, 08:51:30 PM »
Excerpt
Quote from: Perfidy on December 30, 2013, 07:43:04 PM
[quote author=Perfidy link=topic=216572.msg12366564#msg12366564 date=These are the kinds of minds you are trying to figure out. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out. The point I'm trying to make here is that it is utterly pointless until you have the realization that it's yourself you need to figure out.
Clearmind... .This was the meat of my post.
Good stuff Perfidy. You are right. Tough lesson to learn but so well worth it. Work on us and we attract a healthy person.
Quote from: Waifed on December 30, 2013, 07:37:57 PM
Quote from: Clearmind on December 30, 2013, 07:30:25 PM
Perfidy, she sees the relationship differently to you and sees the break up differently to you. Is she attempting to use you? No. Does she believe that once a relationship has ended that you move on as quickly as she has/does? Yes.
Borderlines always think that you can be friends after the fact while we still are reeling. She has processed the demise of the relationship by blocking it out, minimising the emotions and hurt/shame she feels about herself by shutting down emotionally.
Is there a reason why her behaviour towards you shocks you - knowing what you know now?
What can you do to move forward?
Why do they want to remain friends? To recycle later?
Not necessarily no. My ex still tries to be friends - not because he loves me but because if I was OK with him then he can relinquish the shame he feels about himself.
Once you separate they don't think the same about you that you felt about them. Their reality is very different to yours.
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