Ex Wife Dating a Young Me

[fiddlestix]

Well, I have heard that my ex BPD wife's new boy toy is a "young me."  what the heck?  She wants  a young me? She wants another man to be her doormat... . minus 14 years?  She continues to hurt me even in no contact... .

Fiddle

[Turkish]

Well, I have heard that my ex BPD wife's new boy toy is a "young me."  what the heck?  She wants  a young me? She wants another man to be her doormat... . minus 14 years?  She continues to hurt me even in no contact... .

Fiddle

Did you hear that from someone credible? Maybe tell whoever it was to do you the courtesey of NOT updating you... . until they split, and that might be a small salve on an opened wound... .

[fiddlestix]

I heard it from my ex's brother.  My ex is into young dudes.  She is almost 48 and I know she has bedded down with 18 year old kids (she carelessly left her web sites open)... . maybe younger. I am 48, but in better shape than most men in their 30s.  Oh well... . her issues, not mine. Right?

Fiddle

[Surnia]

Hi fiddle

These kind of news about replacement dudes sucks. 

Oh well... . her issues, not mine. Right?

Spot on for this one! 

[RecycledNoMore]

48? what the heck? Fiddle, your wifes an egg.

Thats kiwispeak for douchebag

She wants a younger you? Kinda flattering that shes trying to re create your r/ s, kinda gross and creepy too though... .

Head up fiddle, go with grace... .

She obviously wont be.

[fiddlestix]

Thanks for the support :-)  She probably likes to dominate men.  That is why she looks for young, or passive types.  I am a passive person (less so now) who allowed her to crush me over and over for 25 years.  My boundaries were terrible, and she is a bully.   I believe she lost respect/attraction for me because of my weakness.  Yet, it looks like she tends to repeat the pattern with other men.  As a child, she was molested many times by older males.  Maybe she is subconsciously trying to "fix" that scenario by putting herself in the dominant position?  I will run this by my therapist who is well-versed in BPD. 

Happy New Year for us all :-)

Fiddle

[Forward2free]

BPD/Nxh 43, is engaged to a 23 year old. She just got an open driving licence!

I know how you feel. I feel so much for GF23. She is polite, cute, naive, forgiving, Christian, sweet and comes from a Christian family. She is so like I was back then. After me, BPD/Nxh has been going for younger women. The older they are, the more likely they are to see through the facade and expect more. You're right that they look for someone they can dominate - add to that control and manipulate. For Christmas last year he bought her a Build-a-bear; the same gift D7 received!

After BPD/Nxh, I raised the bar extremely high and haven't dated all that much. I am now skeptical, slightly cynical, don't believe in love at first sight, don't believe in getting swept of your feet and don't believe in one true love. I believe it will happen one day, but my feet will remain on the ground.

Wish your ex wife well (in your head) and save yourself the pain of over analyzing. What you had was unique and your good times were truly good (and your bad times truly sucked).

But you can sleep peacefully and enjoy your freedom! I wouldn't trade a second in my life now for even the greatest hour with him.

[BeHappyAgain]

Speculation on my part but... .

Was she abused [like so many BPDs] when she was younger?

If the abuser was say... 30 - 50 the prefererence for younger men is partially a distaste for men in the 30 - 50 range because they remind her of the abuser.

I had an ex gfwNPD, at 39 she left our home, stopped paying the mortgage and shacked up with a guy of 27.

It didn't last and neither will your ex's, not least because [as my wise old T pointed out], "she'll be in competition with women half her age".

And yes I did say NPD.

I went from 7yrs with an NPD to my 'saviour' [heh], who gave me 5yrs on the BPD rollercoaster.



I hope I've learnt my lessons now.

Feels like I have anyway...

Peace to you 

[santa]

That's a tough one, man. I'm sorry that's going on.

On the bright side, you can be absolutely certain that it is going to go bad at some point. There's absolutely no way that it won't. I feel kind of bad for the younger guy. He's got an icy road ahead of him and has no idea. Poor ass.

[thisyoungdad]

I heard from a credible source my ex was looking for a guy just like me, whether she found it or not I have no idea but it sure stung a lot. Especially when even most of her friends acknowledged that she walked away from a great guy, great family and really just a great life. I actually had not felt the way I felt when I heard that in a long time. I have just kept trying to remind myself that whoever she is with or ends up with or whatever will end the same way it did with me, her previous ex and who knows before that.

BeHappyAgain--Wow I had never thought about this because with my ex what triggered her was something that happened when she was 2 years old and her dad was 29. Our daughter was almost 2 years old and I was almost 29 when she left me. Wonder if thats coincidence... .

Speculation on my part but... .

Was she abused [like so many BPDs] when she was younger?

If the abuser was say... 30 - 50 the prefererence for younger men is partially a distaste for men in the 30 - 50 range because they remind her of the abuser.

[BeHappyAgain]

Wonder if thats coincidence... .

Who knows... so much is opaque with PDs

The exgfwNPD was abused by a family member who was in his late 30's

No prizes for guessing I was in that age range when she started to switch off and eventually leave.

My T mentioned it as a possible factor contributing to her leaving.

Said he'd seen the pattern before in women who had been abused.

It hurts to think that your in the demographic that triggers them and your first rational instinct is of course to say "I'm not him!" and "I'm not like that !"

But their core traumas run too deep for that to work - and no one here has been dealing with rational actors... .