more awakenings

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Sitting around today watching some football. I am now seeing hings a little clearer. It's been 2 weeks and I know the fog is lifting. I have noticed on the last 3 or 4 recycles she always wanted to get back together but never wanted to tell her family/friends that we were. Is this for her to "save face" bc she smeared me so bad? Or maybe there was someone else and her family/friends knew about it? Both? Any other ideas? It would make me feel inferior/inadequate. But more and more of these realizations are coming to me.     More will be revealed... .

[arn131arn]

Sitting around today watching some football. I am now seeing hings a little clearer. It's been 2 weeks and I know the fog is lifting. I have noticed on the last 3 or 4 recycles she always wanted to get back together but never wanted to tell her family/friends that we were. Is this for her to "save face" bc she smeared me so bad? Or maybe there was someone else and her family/friends knew about it? Both? Any other ideas? It would make me feel inferior/inadequate. But more and more of these realizations are coming to me.     More will be revealed... .

[simplyasiam]

yes many more revealing things are coming your way. its all a matter of if you want to lie to yourself about them. i lied to myself for six years.

ive lived apart from her for almost a year now. the 1st six months are hell getting over the heart break and pain.

being truthful with yourself is the hardest part. then comes fact that no matter what you you cant save them

not matter how much you give its all for nothing

this all really has nothing to do with you or your feeling/wants/needs

ppl with BPD don't love/care/feel/understand the world the way we do

[SurvivedLove]

Sitting around today watching some football. I am now seeing hings a little clearer. It's been 2 weeks and I know the fog is lifting. I have noticed on the last 3 or 4 recycles she always wanted to get back together but never wanted to tell her family/friends that we were. Is this for her to "save face" bc she smeared me so bad? Or maybe there was someone else and her family/friends knew about it? Both? Any other ideas? It would make me feel inferior/inadequate. But more and more of these realizations are coming to me.     More will be revealed... .

If you ask me, she didn't tell them because she has smeared you badly to them or told some severe lies to them about you.

It was the same with my ex, when we were considering giving it a second chance. He spent every waken moment with me, even texting me from work etc. It became a bit much at times, but his words that we needed to spend time together and just have fun the two of us to see if it would work, well, those word made sense in the FOG.

But I did notice that when he was doing his usual Sunday dinners at his parents and I asked him to say hi to them from me, he never came back with a "Mom and dad says hi/sends hugs" as was the case when we dated. Not ONCE. So I really doubt that he told them that we were considering giving things another try OR that I had sent them hi and hugs.

The same goes for his online lovers/family/etc. in the furry world. A couple of times I asked him to say hi to them from me, when he went to visit two of them that live in his town. NO greeting back, de nada - and I have BEEN to these guys house, I have cuddled their pet skunk.

Yeah, he never told ANYONE that we were looking into starting fresh. Because there was NO FRESH GROUND to start on, his smearing and lies had polluted that soil and he'd rather keep face, than have to admit to them (parents and lovers) that he is a lying sack of cow dung!

Remember BPD is SHAME based. And they will always shame YOU to Hell and back, because the concept of even considering shaming themselves by admitting their lies/smearing? Nay, not an option to them.

[broken but not beaten]

Hi arn...                                                I was thinking the same things myself last night... . I believe perhaps that they want to keep the rs secret is because we were painted so black to family and friends so convincingly... . that to tell family and friends about us would damage the image or perceptIon of them being victims,make others question the truth of what our ex partners really said. In my experience they need to project all blame so we are the bad people in their eyes,to avoid them accepting their part and avoiding shame.         

[arn131arn]

It is a shame.  I do not enjoy looking at my faults, fears, and character defects.  But I do.  I have family and friends who are not enablers.  They call me out on my hit.  I then look at those things and try to make sense of them and put into action certain things that will allow me to make changes in my life.

I really feel bad for her right now.  To never grow up emotionally, and take care of her own problems will empty her of all the wonderful things worthwhile in life.

I also was thinking that in 35 years she has never been able to provide on her own.  She has always lived with her parents, her ex boyfriend, and me. 

So sad... .

[Cardinals in Flight]

The XBPDg/f kept me very very separate from her family and friends.  Over three years, I met two different friends one time each.  After about 6 months, I asked how come we never did anything with friends, some incoherent answer followed.  Everyone in my life knew about her, she was part of my life in every way.

During the extended silent treatments, I was no doubt trashed.  It's how they protect themselves from their closest friends, (very few) knowing us so that they only get BPD's side of the "story"

CiF

[arn131arn]

The XBPDg/f kept me very very separate from her family and friends.  Over three years, I met two different friends one time each.  After about 6 months, I asked how come we never did anything with friends, some incoherent answer followed.  Everyone in my life knew about her, she was part of my life in every way.

During the extended silent treatments, I was no doubt trashed.  It's how they protect themselves from their closest friends, (very few) knowing us so that they only get BPD's side of the "story"

CiF

It's funny.  She told too much lies to a certain group that lived nearby to us.  Well, towards the end I called her out on all her bullhit to one of the bofriends of her triangulators.  Funny thing, is, I see that she is not doing too much with this group of people anymore.  She has moved on to the group f people that live in another part of the city, who intoduced her to her millionaire.

Is this common?  To move from circle to circle.  When the Waif is found out, does she just move onto whoever else will enable her?