23 Years Sober, and She is Back to Drinking.

[joethemechanic]

She relapsed about 18 months ago.

Today I found out she had her daughter in the car after drinking. When I confronted her about it, she said "whatever" and hung up on me. We had a text fight and "broke up". I went NC for 6 hours ignoring her calls and texts and her abandonment fears kicked in, and she tells me she really wants to quit drinking.

So I ask, What's your plan? And of course she doesn't have one.

I just texted her that there is an AA meeting at the church 2 blocks from my house at 9:00 PM. I can just see the wheels turning in her head right now trying to come up with an excuse.

You know I really liked her when she was sober. Even with the BPD

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[waverider]

I have had to deal with this on and off for a long time.

You will need extremely strong boundaries which you only relax upon results, not promises. Alcoholics will give endless broken promises, and you will get sucked into compromises and it will destroy your soul.

I feel for you BPD + alcoholism is a horrible thing to deal with.

[joethemechanic]

Well 9:00 PM and she totally ignored the AA meeting texts. She changed the subject to sex lmao, they are so predictable. I'm 52 and she is 48. This isn't like 30 years ago when a shot of punanni atoned for all her sins

[waverider]

We are the similar ages. My partners has done 20-30 residential detoxes over her life. we are now just coming up 12 months clean. My boundaries were too weak for far too long. Containment simply does not work.

Look into Alanon for yourself, it will help to not get dragged in. you can only look after you and its impact on you.

It can be managed, but it is not easy.

[joethemechanic]

Wow, 20 or 30 is a lot, but I know people who are right up there. I had a really close friend who did that many rehab stays. Her drug of choice was crack though. She never could get more than 6 months clean. Although I suspect the fact that she was HIV positive was a factor in her chronic relapsing. She died 3 years ago at 45 YO.


My BPDgf was into meth back in the late 80's. She was starting to shoot it and I really freaked out. We broke up in 1988 and were totally NC for 17 years. It turns out she got sober about a year after our breakup.

We're even starting to have the same arguments that we had back in the day.

Her; You're a control freak, you try to tell me who I can have for friends.

Me; Why do all your "friends" have to be drunken loser pieces of s... .

Then she says I have friends who are alcoholics and addicts. And yes I do have friends who are really screwed up. But I keep my distance from them. I don't hang out with them. Now and again I'll get sucked into doing a favor for one of them, but I go, do whatever favor, and get out.