Dear,
Trust me, I still have my days.
I hurt and I miss the good times but when you look at the bigger picture... . I was dumped 6x in 15 mo.
and each time she cut me off. She threatened me with restraining orders. I couldn't even voice my opinion. I had no say. She was "done".
Things never got better because working on anything involves
communicating. You
cannot have a loving, nurturing, thriving relationship with someone who operates with the emotional capacity of a 3yo.
Without years, and I mean years of treatment they can't get better and a 40something year old pre menopausal woman(symptoms are worse then) is less likely to accept they have an issue and get help.
And even then, STAY the course of treatment.
And how many years does it take for them to catch up from a 3yo to a 40yo? Think of how many years and would you be willing to stay and give up that much of your life with
no guarantee they will follow through and not leave you again?
I am in my late 30's. I still have a chance (I hope) to have a child if I want to. Do I want to have a child with someone who threatened a restraining order on me? Do I want to sign marriage papers with someone who could sue me for 1/2 my savings and hard work. I want a partner... . not to be a caregiver, on edge, constantly waiting for the shoe to drop.
You cannot continue to live this false fantasy that things will work out like you hoped at the beginning. If you have been recycled several times you figure out it is futile. It's good for awhile and then WHAM!
Whenever I was upset about something my ex thought I would leave her. The day my best friend told me she couldn't stay friends because I was gay I cancelled plans with my ex to stay home. I was sad and mourning the friendship.
My ex dumped me over the phone. Said she was DONE. I lost my best friend over dating a woman I loved who then abandoned me... . all within an hour.
An hour.
and THEN ran back to her ex... . the "one who got away".
For two months I sat in filth. I didn't do dishes and could barely keep myself and my pets alive. She came back and never apologized. She didn't have to... . I wanted her back. I loved her soo much... . she was saving me.
Only for her to do it again. Each time worse and worse.
You have to be an emotionless rock to live with a borderline. You can't express how you feel at all only tend to them.
I was so depressed and tired all the time. I still am, mentally.
It just gets to the point... . we can have better relationships. We just have to give up on what is never going to work and accept it is not going to ever work. Only we can make that decision as we are the most competant of the two.
