Dreams about the BPD ex... how do yours end?

[BenTired]

For the first 5 months or so after I broke it off with my dBPDexgf, I can't recall a single dream. But in the last 2-3 months with all the triggers such as birthdays and the holidays, I've had 3 dreams about her. In all 3, I broke up with her and told her that I couldn't do this anymore. In one of them she raged when I broke up. While I'm not sure what this means, except that maybe my subconscious is sick of her garbage too. I was just curious of any dreams that y'all have had and what they are like or how they end up.

[Turkish]

For the first 5 months or so after I broke it off with my dBPDexgf, I can't recall a single dream. But in the last 2-3 months with all the triggers such as birthdays and the holidays, I've had 3 dreams about her. In all 3, I broke up with her and told her that I couldn't do this anymore. In one of them she raged when I broke up. While I'm not sure what this means, except that maybe my subconscious is sick of her garbage too. I was just curious of any dreams that y'all have had and what they are like or how they end up.

I've been living with mine for four months after she ended it, while she was/is (?) having an affair... . In her mind, not, since she ended it, but I am still proving her shelter and food, we have kids, or I would have evicted her three months ago.

I had one sexual dream about her about a month ago. In all the years, I never remember having anything like that with her. I find her behaviors so despicable now that I find it hard to even look at her, though she is very pretty (on the outside). I don't really remember my dreams like I did when I was younger. Maybe that is good.

Her dreams about me, even when times were good, were 20% of my protecting her and her family, 80% me abandoning them in their times of need. Soo pathological!

My former dreams used to be of me being in either end of the world scenarios, or fighting some type of evil force, usually with me trying to save or protect people. My codependent subconscious! CD may be unhealthy, but it's not a pathology :^)

[love4meNOTu]

I had a dream that my xhwBPD was raping me.

He has never done that IRL.

I woke up very quickly, because I screamed out loud. I told my therapist about it because it bothered me so much... and she said... .

"That represented your marriage. He raped you, he used you, he broke your heart." "It was and has always been about controlling you."

[Findingmysong723]

One of the dreams I remember were of us getting back together but I knew it was a mistake, that was the meaning of the dream I guess.

[goldylamont]

i used to have 'revenge' type dreams of doing things to my ex. i didn't want to do anything violent but wanted to embarrass or devalue her i think. and i know for me that these dreams were there because i wanted to treat her how i felt i was being treated. the one fantasy that stands out is one where she would come over here looking to be 'friends' and instead of letting her in the door i threw an egg at her. then i would just pelt her with eggs over and over and over till she got back in her car and then drove away. i'd save a few eggs for the car too then she would be all in the car crying and covered in eggs "boohoohoo, i was so wrong", ! just a dream

i also had a short dream one time that woke me up. kind of scary, but she was naked and beckoning me but she was covered with this slimy green puss. it was gross.

[Monarch Butterfly]

Dreams - never had one. Nightmares - all the time.

At the end of the relationship when I was undecided in staying or leaving, I would have constant nightmares that he was killing me. Many times in my dreams he'd fire a gun, strangle me or hit me so much I'd die. He never engaged in actual physical abuse during the relationship, but every other type of abuse was present.

I had those nightmares every single night. I would wake up in panic. My T said that my mind was telling me that one way or another, the way I interacted with him had to die... . I didn't like the sound of that, but she was right. I couldn't go on living like that.

The first night I actually slept well was when I told him I wanted a divorce and would not submit myself to any more physical contact. I slept all night long. I never did that before. Slept like an angel.

Now I dream I am flying... .  

[fromheeltoheal]

After I left her I'd have dreams, all different but the same theme: she was with some dude, I was there, and she was completely ignoring me; pretty representative of how I felt in the relationship, had I followed her on her trysts.

Then no dreams at all for months, as I went through depression and anger.

Then a sporadic dream or two with her in it, smiling and us getting along.  I consider the morphing of the dreams as representative of my detachment, as I now feel some compassion for her while not caring what she's up to, and a sick person not a bad one.

[Waifed]

I had a dream a month ago where I refused to have sex with her. It repulsed me but I just held her while she was mad about it. Shrink said I wanted her to love me.  Sex wasn't important anymore. He was right. I want something that nobody can have. So sad and cruel.

[Perfidy]

In a little over nine months I dreamed about her twice. In the first one which was in July or August I simply ignored her and walked away. The second one maybe a couple months ago she spoke to me about how she was healing from our relationship the same way I am.

What they mean could only be interpreted by the Easter bunny so I don't put much stock in them.

If you figure dreams are the subconscious then I was just looking at myself. And no. There were no wet dreams about her. Ick

[santa]

I hadn't had any dreams about my ex until recently, but I've had dreams about her the last 3 nights. There's really no ending. Just makes me wake up feeling kind of sad.

[Conundrum]

I dream about her often. These dreams are symbolic of feelings that are inside of me, which became associated, and conjoined with the notion of her. In my dreams, I relive those intense feelings of closeness, that disproportionate oneness, that unearthly feeling which seems to approach the divine.

In my dreams, whether it was faux is of little consequence, because it feels real. A symbol of desire and longing, for what life can be. Perhaps just a fantasy. Not intended for any of us within these mortal frames. Maybe phantom pains from eating of the forbidden fruit. To possess the knowledge of intense good and evil, is tantamount to never forgetting-a feeling. And in these dreams the sex has not ceased. That aberrant fantasy continues. Smooth pale skin, raven hair, northern plains native blood--not dissimilar to a gothic vampire. Maybe I've been glamoured in dreams?

What stands out to me the most, is a dream I had many months ago. It was as if a crystalline message was sent to me from the cosmos without the interference caused by feelings. I saw her clearly, dispassionately, as a creature of infinite need, who could not share love-enough-if it was outside the boundaries of her disordered self-interests. It was an impeccably precise vision. I awoke with a certainty, that what was, will be no more and that acceptance was a process to embrace-and not to be rushed. To respect the magnitude of effect that this byzantine relationship of many years had upon my soul. So even when my dreams betray reason, I awake in the morning with a smile for my children, because life really does go on--and all things change.

[santa]

I dream about her often. These dreams are symbolic of feelings that are inside of me, which became associated, and conjoined with the notion of her. In my dreams, I relive those intense feelings of closeness, that disproportionate oneness, that unearthly feeling which seems to approach the divine.

In my dreams, whether it was faux is of little consequence, because it feels real. A symbol of desire and longing, for what life can be. Perhaps just a fantasy. Not intended for any of us within these mortal frames. Maybe phantom pains from eating of the forbidden fruit. To possess the knowledge of intense good and evil, is tantamount to never forgetting-a feeling. And in these dreams the sex has not ceased. That aberrant fantasy continues. Smooth pale skin, raven hair, northern plains native blood--not dissimilar to a gothic vampire. Maybe I've been glamoured in dreams?

What stands out to me the most, is a dream I had many months ago. It was as if a crystalline message was sent to me from the cosmos without the interference caused by feelings. I saw her clearly, dispassionately, as a creature of infinite need, who could not share love-enough-if it was outside the boundaries of her disordered self-interests. It was an impeccably precise vision. I awoke with a certainty, that what was, will be no more and that acceptance was a process to embrace-and not to be rushed. To respect the magnitude of effect that this byzantine relationship of many years had upon my soul. So even when my dreams betray reason, I awake  the next morning with a smile for my children, because life really does go on--and all things change.

That was beautiful. I enjoyed reading it.

[Dutched]

Now and then I still have dreams. Pattern however is the same and wake up because of it.

Soaking wet I wake up, but really cold  (somehow no peace in my mind as T said).

I experience situations in which my boundaries are broken, fighting against everything I stand for.

Never a positive dream, just the hurt , it’s draining.

[EdR]

My dreams have lately been quite psychological.

In the beginning they were just about some good moments. Everything was fine again etc. etc...

But lately they are always about her finding a way in my life again, and I always get a little upset and try to not let her do that again. I would suddenly see her shoes on my floor, and hear that she's been given a room next to me. Or I'd see her waiting for me after work etc. etc...

It hurts.

[strikeforce]

The last dream I had of my ex was her on a train leaving the platform and me on the platform trying to talk to her through the window as the train moved out.

She just looked at me with her usual blank stare.

[MellowOddFellow]

i dread going to sleep, not only i see her vividly, i see myself in our routine and the daily life we had built,  some dreams include the replacement and thats when it really hits home.

waking up feeling distraught... . and then emotions after waking up... .

i can still recall 2 or 3 dreams that were so burnt into my mind i can still now recall them: me seeing her going after and the fact that i could never get to her no matter what... .

had these dreams a long while ago, in retrospect something projected the truth into my mind... . i was chasing just a dream image of her.

[BenTired]

i dread going to sleep, not only i see her vividly, i see myself in our routine and the daily life we had built,  some dreams include the replacement and thats when it really hits home.

waking up feeling distraught... . and then emotions after waking up... .

i can still recall 2 or 3 dreams that were so burnt into my mind i can still now recall them: me seeing her going after and the fact that i could never get to her no matter what... .

had these dreams a long while ago, in retrospect something projected the truth into my mind... . i was chasing just a dream image of her.

MOD, we all feel your pain. I believe that most if not all of us were chasing a dream . A person who we wanted someone to be and advertised themselves to be but were not who we thought they were. I fell for it even after red flags were coming in a rapid fire

[BenTired]

Fire fashion at my head... . I kept going back for more too... .

Sorry for the choppy reply as I dropped my phone. Keep posting. Keep your head up.

[BenTired]

Lot of good replies here. Some of you obviously had a worse experience than mine. Its great that the "family" is here and understands. Now that the holiday triggers are gone, hopefully my nighttime dreams fade of her. Unfortunately there are enough triggers around during the day but they are subsiding.

[MrConfused]

My dreams about her have her coming back & accepting that she broke the relationship as much as I did. Then I wake up and realise that would never happen, because that would involve her taking responsibility for her actions.

It's really bizarre, the girl in my dreams acts mature and adult, something she never did. I guess my head really did create a fantasy out of her.

[Kadee]

In my dreams about him, I only remember waking up with a baffled feeling of him doing something that doesn't make sense. Oh wait, maybe they aren't dreams.

[phantom17]

I can't remember too many dreams of my ex, but I have had 2 recently. In the first dream I remember, she had bought a new vehicle and we had a short level headed conversation, she drove off and I was perfectly at ease with it.

The 2nd and last I remember was this past week. I pulled into the driveway of one of her neighbors across the street. I just remember peering down the road at her driveway to see if my replacement was there. The only thing I saw was her vehicle poking out of her garage. Again, I remember feeling a sense of calm.

We broke up exactly 6 months ago.

She's marrying my replacement tomorrow