I cant stop myself reading about BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

I recently found out about this while researching "how to deal with people who play victim" and it lead me to BPD that has opened my eyes about my wife's actions/behaviors during the past five years of our marriage. I can’t stop myself from reading about BPD constantly and I feel like I am losing myself... . I can’t take a break from it to take care of myself... . Has anyone else been in my situation and how did he/she cope with this difficult time?

[bpdsupport]

I recently found out about this while researching "how to deal with people who play victim" and it lead me to BPD that has opened my eyes about my wife's actions/behaviors during the past five years of our marriage. I can’t stop myself from reading about BPD constantly and I feel like I am losing myself... . I can’t take a break from it to take care of myself... . Has anyone else been in my situation and how did he/she cope with this difficult time?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

It happens to us all at first, but for most it wears off

[an0ught]

I recently found out about this while researching "how to deal with people who play victim" and it lead me to BPD that has opened my eyes about my wife's actions/behaviors during the past five years of our marriage. I can’t stop myself from reading about BPD constantly and I feel like I am losing myself... . I can’t take a break from it to take care of myself... . Has anyone else been in my situation and how did he/she cope with this difficult time?

Finding that life and relationships can make sense - even in a weird way - is validating. And of course you want more of that, especially as we are on the receiving end of invalidation all the time.

Education is the first step of empowering yourself. It is also the point where we can do first steps of stopping invalidation on our side. This is all great relief but limited.

Recognizing and accepting the new reality takes some time... .

... . so far so good... .

It happens to us all at first, but for most it wears off

Indeed for most it naturally wears off as there is the point where more information starts hurting. Then one is in the danger of over-analyzing. Knowledge turns from power into a focus of own pain, more pain and even more pain. Eyes lock onto drama. One gets stuck. It sometimes happens but mostly on the undecided board. Ultimately people get unstuck and move forward - it just takes longer and is a more protracted process.

This is why there is a focus here on SKILLS. On actually taking real steps, learning and USING what has been learned. On paper these skills are simple but in practice they require a significant mind-shift. This is where feedback from your peers and the advisors comes in. This is where feedback from the pwBPD and your reality comes into play. Doing stuff, changing even small bits and improving upon them is empowering and leads to sustainable progress.

[goldylamont]

  guilty!

i view this whole experience as an initiation. one where at first we were ignorant, then we start to trust our awareness or we are broken down (both?), and finally we figure out what's going on, read and learn. the last step is growing and changing.

1. in the dark

2. trust ourselves/broken down

3. read, learn and study

4. growth/change/detach

BPDsupport i think what will happen over time is that you will satiate your need to learn more and things will naturally slow down. but then you may choose to participate and share this new found wisdom with others. myself i've been thinking of taking a break from all of this for a while as i've just been answering the same questions for myself lately. i think over time you may start discussing things more from the perspective of a 'vet' helping out those more in stages 1-3 while working through the later stages yourself. then maybe start thinking about taking a break (like me  )

[bpdsupport]

Thank you so much for your support. I have decided to see a therapist to make a decision

[bpdsupport]

Hi all, I feel like my wife's BPD behaviors is destroying me and it's time to get me help myself to make a decision.

What type of Therapist should I look for? Thank you all for your support.

[Calm Waters]

hi yes i have been obsessed for nearly a year, if you read my threads you will see why, you are probably searching to make sense of both the relationship and how it reflects your inner world which may have been 'triggered', i have had a breakdown and breakthrough that has made me stronger, you may be on a similar journey, dont be frightened - follow your instincts reading and feeling wont hurt you good luck

[joshbjoshb]

Been there, done that.

You read, and you can't keep but thinking to yourself how it wasn't things you did, because sometimes silly things can trigger a crazy rage. And you feel "wow", and all of the insecurities you acquired because of the blaming and name calling all of a sudden are going away... .

Now, she gives me a long rant, and rage about how bad I am, and I simply - in my head - ignore the whole thing. I know it's coming from someone who is not mature emotionally, so I just ignore most of it.

Read. Read and read more. It's only good for you to know. Knowledge is power.

[MrConfused]

Likewise, been there done that. The first time I visited this site I read like... . 200 pages of the "leaving board"

It explained SO MUCH to me & has helped me out massively. Everything fit her to a T.

There's nothing wrong with it, you need the peace in your own mind.

[joshbjoshb]

In fact, it's precisely when there is a BPD attack that I turn to this forum. Feeling it's the only place in the world that might understand me, because everyone is dealing with the same stuff.

[maxen]

The first time I visited this site I read like... . 200 pages of the "leaving board"

that's all? 

i've used this site so much i gave money. 

it's cooling off but i'm not done. i need to keep reading until it really sinks in that it's not about me. but reading about BPD alone won't do it, it takes reading + time + internal work.