just be the best ex you can be

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

    Hello all.

    Man what a ride holy crap!

    Its been 6 weeks since last contact. And I'm starting to feel.like myself again. Talking,  reading daily about BPD has helped me enormously.  So has allowing myself to feel the good & bad. Admitting that I love her ,and miss her ,and have "hate" for her was hard but its the truth. Thier is life after such core trauma. It does get better! I promise you it does. Listening to music like cold play , the virve, stone temple pilot's,  and  Dave Matthews Band has had me in tears and smiling in the same song. I prefer the live versions. This has also helped a lot. I had to accept things at face value. She is mentally ill , she will never be "normal" for lack of a better term. And thier was nothing I could do differently to change the out come. And I am stronger from this experianced. And gained some insite on past r/s that had similar characteristics. 

  Ive felt it all sadness, anger, betrayal,  confusion , loss in joy of things i love to do, then finally acceptance. ... thank god for acceptance.  I wanted revenge, wanted to shove a new girl in her face even If it wasnt true. But the best revenge is none just go N/C. They will beat themselves up enough you don't need to join in. Trust me. My xBPDgf tried to contact me with the I miss you, and I love you, and even got a bit sexual. Don't fall for it man. You have been warned. No good will come of it. Its a recycle cause they have to have a fall back in case the new victim doesn't work. And believe me he wont. He will go through the same misery you endured. GUARANTEED!

   EVen with meds, therapy,  your love and support. Will not change things much. Unless the BPDer is 100 about getting help its a long uphill battle and you will come out severly damaged. It is very rare(not impossible) for a BPDer to get " healthy".  You have a better chance of winning the lotto! Who wants to live like this, I highly doubt you do. Sure as hell not me. REMEMBER BPD is for life... . You will eventually be happy you where "split black" it is the best gift a BPDER can give.

  My xBPDgf was , bulimic, an alcoholic , she beat the crap out of me once. I never hit back.she is 5.8 120 lbs soacking wet.  Im no small man. Im 6.0 tall 200lbsI work out daily and pretty ripped and I'm a mixed martial artists. Just no excuse for hitting a women if it ls not life threatening.  She would take ever insecurity and used it against me. She even went as far to talk bad about my mother who passed last year. She would say why don't you go talk to your mommy. Just plain evil bro! Told lie after lie to family and friends. Luckily they all new what she was all about and didn't believe all of it. But they still asked me about it.

If you THINK... . This how they treat themselves so how can they treat you any different... .

Good luck to all of.you dealing with separation from a BPD ex. If the r/s was long enough and they told you they love you they did , they are just severly defective... . love your self more and allow the healing to take hold.               

                                                                                             Sincerely , A survivor

   

   

[sun seeker]

    Hello all.

    Man what a ride holy crap!

    Its been 6 weeks since last contact. And I'm starting to feel.like myself again. Talking,  reading daily about BPD has helped me enormously.  So has allowing myself to feel the good & bad. Admitting that I love her ,and miss her ,and have "hate" for her was hard but its the truth. Thier is life after such core trauma. It does get better! I promise you it does. Listening to music like cold play , the virve, stone temple pilot's,  and  Dave Matthews Band has had me in tears and smiling in the same song. I prefer the live versions. This has also helped a lot. I had to accept things at face value. She is mentally ill , she will never be "normal" for lack of a better term. And thier was nothing I could do differently to change the out come. And I am stronger from this experianced. And gained some insite on past r/s that had similar characteristics. 

  Ive felt it all sadness, anger, betrayal,  confusion , loss in joy of things i love to do, then finally acceptance. ... thank god for acceptance.  I wanted revenge, wanted to shove a new girl in her face even If it wasnt true. But the best revenge is none just go N/C. They will beat themselves up enough you don't need to join in. Trust me. My xBPDgf tried to contact me with the I miss you, and I love you, and even got a bit sexual. Don't fall for it man. You have been warned. No good will come of it. Its a recycle cause they have to have a fall back in case the new victim doesn't work. And believe me he wont. He will go through the same misery you endured. GUARANTEED!

   EVen with meds, therapy,  your love and support. Will not change things much. Unless the BPDer is 100 about getting help its a long uphill battle and you will come out severly damaged. It is very rare(not impossible) for a BPDer to get " healthy".  You have a better chance of winning the lotto! Who wants to live like this, I highly doubt you do. Sure as hell not me. REMEMBER BPD is for life... . You will eventually be happy you where "split black" it is the best gift a BPDER can give.

  My xBPDgf was , bulimic, an alcoholic , she beat the crap out of me once. I never hit back.she is 5.8 120 lbs soacking wet.  Im no small man. Im 6.0 tall 200lbsI work out daily and pretty ripped and I'm a mixed martial artists. Just no excuse for hitting a women if it ls not life threatening.  She would take ever insecurity and used it against me. She even went as far to talk bad about my mother who passed last year. She would say why don't you go talk to your mommy. Just plain evil bro! Told lie after lie to family and friends. Luckily they all new what she was all about and didn't believe all of it. But they still asked me about it.

If you THINK... . This how they treat themselves so how can they treat you any different... .

Good luck to all of.you dealing with separation from a BPD ex. If the r/s was long enough and they told you they love you they did , they are just severly defective... . love your self more and allow the healing to take hold.               

                                                                                             Sincerely , A survivor

   

   

[irishmarmot]

Thank you for posting, I am at 2 days NC now.  My relationship was short 4 months but have already been painted black.  Feel like I'm falling off a cliff at times but reading your post will hopefully give me the strength to continue.   The best revenge is no revenge at all.  That is... . NC.  I have seen that my past relationships were with women with BPD to one degree or another stemming all the way back to you guessed it... my mother.  I believe the sadness and grieving has opeup unresolved issues with my mother and has little to do with her.  I will explore that in therapy.  Thanx

[Grissum69]

Thank you for the positive words       I appreciate it very much, it helps a lot

[blurry]

Man I wish I could go back to the 4 month mark and just ended it then... . I reread all my posts from back then and have since endured abuse that made the initial onslaught seem fun, . Not seeing her since August is helping immensely, still entertaining her texts during recycle attempts, which I can suffer through. But I know seeing her could be my demise. Trying to stay strong here.

[huhhuh]

Man I wish I could go back to the 4 month mark and just ended it then... . I reread all my posts from back then and have since endured abuse that made the initial onslaught seem fun, .

Just want to add a little comment here. Maybe you already know it but most likely you weren't ready to end it back then. Since you today can reflect on your own actions and look at your actions with another mindset tells me that you have healed some in the process.

keep strong

[irishmarmot]

Don't get me wrong my expwBPD took a restraining order on me on the first of dec.  for nothing.   She was feeling guilty about cheating on me.  After a week she called it off.  And like an idiot, I recycled back.  Last fri. she admitted that she was cheating on me after I broke it off for good.  And yesterday she texed me.  I am pretty sure I have seen the last of her and I will not reply to any of het texes.  I also have a gut instinct that she is trolling on this site although I never told her that I was here.

[The Mrs]

Chevy,

I just had to let you know I love the title of your post.  I'm 25 years married to my BPD husband, been out of our home for 5 months.  I have been struggling with the idea of divorcing him.  I believe he is mentally and I took/take those sickness and in health vows real seriously... . but my health and well being have been repeatedly compromised and jeopardized.  Using your idea of being the best ex I can be kind of allows me to hold my head a little higher as I take the necessary steps to take care of and protect, myself, going forward.  Thank you for your post.

[cureandcause]

Chevy,

thank you very much. My story is very similar - yep I had to use my BJJ skills to pin her down in fear of her hurting herself and/or me.

I have gone full NC since yesterday.

[sun seeker]

 Hey. Cur.

It takes a hell of a man to show restrain , and not fight back. Going N/C has been the best thing I've done for me. keep up the good work the healing will come.

The Mrs.Good luck!

Your very welcome. Im glad that my words can help... 25yrs dam. You are a very strong women to stay that long. I have no doubt you will be ok. Stay strong and positive. Goodluck!

Hey Irish.

We all have been thier man. I cant tell you how many times i recycled. The important thing is that you learn from mistakes... and do your best not to repeat them. My xBPDgf went on a bender and called the cops and said I beat her up.  Luckily I was out of the state that week for work. Hopefully we have seen/heard the last of them. They are pretty defective people cant say for 100.  Its been 6 weeks N/C and my thoughts and feelings are so much more clear. Today is her b-day & im doing pretty dam good. To my surprise!  The longer you keep N/C the better it gets I promise all of you!