Chuckling :-)

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello 

I haven't been here for a while, but the scene hasn't changed much,  though I am handling it much better and detaching, mostly!

I have a partner who has diagnosed me with BPD/NPD amongst other things. I initially found it very disturbing, but have reached a point where I can let it wash over me and see it for what it is.

I wanted to share the latest reason for me definitely having BPD over there in my SOs reality... .

For the last two days, I've gone to the kitchen sink, to find the compost bin lid sat in the bowl, on top of the other dishes. I have been putting it back on the little waste food bin, for hygiene reasons and doing the dishes.

Last night, SO walked into the kitchen and laughed when he saw that I'd repeated my 'behaviour', saying that that's why we are over. He then proceeded to play Madonnas Borderline. Hmmm. I ignored.

This morning, I got up to take the kids to the bus stop and I find a post it note stuck to the bin, detailing how my 'refusal' was my BPD dance. A) I hadn't refused, B) if I'm BPD, I'm pretty sure it's me that's supposed to get irrational over minor things?

Anyway, I left him a note in return, saying that I was happy to go over the BPD and NPD traits with him, when he is feeling calmer and pointed out that a bin lid was not really a very good example of BPD behaviour.

I went to the bathroom and locked the door, listening to him charge around, shouting about how I think he is controlling... . Yawn.

Follow the yellow brick road 

[thicker skin]

Hello 

I haven't been here for a while, but the scene hasn't changed much,  though I am handling it much better and detaching, mostly!

I have a partner who has diagnosed me with BPD/NPD amongst other things. I initially found it very disturbing, but have reached a point where I can let it wash over me and see it for what it is.

I wanted to share the latest reason for me definitely having BPD over there in my SOs reality... .

For the last two days, I've gone to the kitchen sink, to find the compost bin lid sat in the bowl, on top of the other dishes. I have been putting it back on the little waste food bin, for hygiene reasons and doing the dishes.

Last night, SO walked into the kitchen and laughed when he saw that I'd repeated my 'behaviour', saying that that's why we are over. He then proceeded to play Madonnas Borderline. Hmmm. I ignored.

This morning, I got up to take the kids to the bus stop and I find a post it note stuck to the bin, detailing how my 'refusal' was my BPD dance. A) I hadn't refused, B) if I'm BPD, I'm pretty sure it's me that's supposed to get irrational over minor things?

Anyway, I left him a note in return, saying that I was happy to go over the BPD and NPD traits with him, when he is feeling calmer and pointed out that a bin lid was not really a very good example of BPD behaviour.

I went to the bathroom and locked the door, listening to him charge around, shouting about how I think he is controlling... . Yawn.

Follow the yellow brick road 

[Tolou]

Thicker Skin... . Sounds like the same irrational things I used to hear, it is just unbelievable when I used to speak to a 35 year old woman, who was just acting like a 5 year old?

I didn't get until later when I finally walked away from all the drama, I just couldn't live on edge like that anymore.  No matter how I would explain something, it just wasn't getting through.

And I would actually repsond by laughing, it is I guess a defense mehcanisim, but I much rather laugh then cry all the time like she would over anything, including jokes.''

So I chuckle with you!  I just don't know what to say sometimes, damned if we do, damned if don't scenarios and situations.

[schwing]

Hi thicker skin,

I have a partner who has diagnosed me with BPD/NPD amongst other things. I initially found it very disturbing, but have reached a point where I can let it wash over me and see it for what it is.

You might consider that your partner continues to choose to "diagnose" you with BPD/NPD as a form of projection/delusion.  If he suffers from BPD, it may be that he cannot even begin to cope with the possibility that he may have BPD/NPD traits much less a diagnosis.  So in his black & white frame of mind, he needs to delude himself into believing that it is you who are the one who has BPD/NPD traits.

If witnessing these kinds of distortions helps you accept that he may have these disorder then perhaps these incidents have value.  But don't expect to persuade him into accepting something that he cannot accept; you will not be able to talk him out of his mental disorder.

This morning, I got up to take the kids to the bus stop and I find a post it note stuck to the bin, detailing how my 'refusal' was my BPD dance. A) I hadn't refused, B) if I'm BPD, I'm pretty sure it's me that's supposed to get irrational over minor things?

It doesn't matter how many times you refute his claims, in the end his mind will fabricate evidence in order to protect his psyche; he will not need evidence to believe what he *needs* to believe.

Anyway, I left him a note in return, saying that I was happy to go over the BPD and NPD traits with him, when he is feeling calmer and pointed out that a bin lid was not really a very good example of BPD behavior.

I think that anytime you have these discussions about whether or not he has BPD/NPD, he will only act out more.

Best wishes, Schwing

[thicker skin]

Cheers chaps :-)

Only last week, he told me to shut up, or he'd bash my head against the wall and throw me outside naked... . That would have bothered me once too, but I now see it as part of my control issues and how I need to abuse to get my needs met >clutches tummy laughing<

It takes a while to get here, ya know, for ye olde fog to lift and begin to see the wood for the trees. It doesn't matter how many people tell you, how often or how experienced they are, until you 'know' it, it's just crutch advice that keeps you limping on.

I know that I'm a good person now and I'm not a demanding, selfish B or anything else he's called me. It really is projective identification, Schwing. I'm taking all of his advice, hitting up, getting enlightenment and 'finding some other mug to put up with me'.

Can you sew? I'm splitting my sides