I just had a giggle, then a cry, then a giggle, then a cry

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Tonight it has been confirmed that my replacement is the same guy as last time, he is a neighbor of hers!

Summer 2013 they got together & it was the new romance of the century! I was black as can be & left them to it with little to show for my relationship with her except for the most hate filled text messages imaginable.

It lasted I think something like 6-8 weeks before she threw a fit & walked out of his house after a rage at him & they split.

This time though it's all different... . She's hardly contacted except for a few xmas gift txt's, but all were very friendly! I couldn't believe she even wanted to give me gifts for xmas after we'd split. Her usual M.O would be to give them to anyone else on earth other than me!

She's also keeping the recycle with the new guy very 'hush hush' this time, unlike their first round.

We've split, recycled a few times & the pattern/time scales is almost so predictable I could plot her moves on a calender!

I really want to get my break this time. But this time everything is different & I feel much more unsettled not feeling confident that I'm in front of it, or on top of it. I feel very vulnerable. Normally she's want to ram it all down my throat but she certainly doesn't want me even knowing about him this time!

I assume their recycle is unlikely to last longer than the first cycle? He's already met the monster in her, devaluing him & raging because he's an ordinary bloke too... So I figure it will return?

[Moonie75]

Tonight it has been confirmed that my replacement is the same guy as last time, he is a neighbor of hers!

Summer 2013 they got together & it was the new romance of the century! I was black as can be & left them to it with little to show for my relationship with her except for the most hate filled text messages imaginable.

It lasted I think something like 6-8 weeks before she threw a fit & walked out of his house after a rage at him & they split.

This time though it's all different... . She's hardly contacted except for a few xmas gift txt's, but all were very friendly! I couldn't believe she even wanted to give me gifts for xmas after we'd split. Her usual M.O would be to give them to anyone else on earth other than me!

She's also keeping the recycle with the new guy very 'hush hush' this time, unlike their first round.

We've split, recycled a few times & the pattern/time scales is almost so predictable I could plot her moves on a calender!

I really want to get my break this time. But this time everything is different & I feel much more unsettled not feeling confident that I'm in front of it, or on top of it. I feel very vulnerable. Normally she's want to ram it all down my throat but she certainly doesn't want me even knowing about him this time!

I assume their recycle is unlikely to last longer than the first cycle? He's already met the monster in her, devaluing him & raging because he's an ordinary bloke too... So I figure it will return?

[Ironmanrises]

It may and it may not. One thing is for sure. It will come to an end. As all relationships with a pwBPD are destined for. I know it hurts. Hang in there old friend from my first postings on here. 

[Waifed]

Moonie

It probably won't last long. Be ready for the recycle attempt. If you can't resist be sure to set boundaries you can live with. If she is not willing to do this from the beginning, RUN!

[Moonie75]

Thank you Ironman me old comrade!

I think the sudden & total change of M.O this time has got me disorientated instead of knowing how she operates. Keeping him under wraps this time & attempting to engage me in niceties? It's like she herself doesn't expect their recycle to be a flyer so she's (in her mind) attempting to keep me as a back up?

I want to detach & heal but I don't feel like she's fully gone! I feel like a, well, If I'm honest, I feel like a sitting duck! Like me knowing about their recycle will make me harder to win over later if need be, so it must be kept quiet?

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Tonight it has been confirmed that my replacement is the same guy as last time, he is a neighbor of hers!

Summer 2013 they got together & it was the new romance of the century! I was black as can be & left them to it with little to show for my relationship with her except for the most hate filled text messages imaginable.

It lasted I think something like 6-8 weeks before she threw a fit & walked out of his house after a rage at him & they split.

This time though it's all different... . She's hardly contacted except for a few xmas gift txt's, but all were very friendly! I couldn't believe she even wanted to give me gifts for xmas after we'd split. Her usual M.O would be to give them to anyone else on earth other than me!

She's also keeping the recycle with the new guy very 'hush hush' this time, unlike their first round.

We've split, recycled a few times & the pattern/time scales is almost so predictable I could plot her moves on a calender!

I really want to get my break this time. But this time everything is different & I feel much more unsettled not feeling confident that I'm in front of it, or on top of it. I feel very vulnerable. Normally she's want to ram it all down my throat but she certainly doesn't want me even knowing about him this time!

I assume their recycle is unlikely to last longer than the first cycle? He's already met the monster in her, devaluing him & raging because he's an ordinary bloke too... So I figure it will return?

Moonie, do you think the fact that you feel unsettled much more this time is because she is being somewhat nice with the gifts and such? I think that would make it harder on me. It is much easier(although not easy) when they are showing their true colors. Maybe it makes it feel more like it was you in your mind or that she has possibly changed. Which of course is not the case. They go through phases but nothing changes. Sometimes when I fell that way I go through a list I have made of all the terrible things he has done. It helps somewhat. It is a reality check.

[Ironmanrises]

She knows it won't last with him and wants to keep you around for narcissistic supply. So she can get the best of both worlds. Your best bet is to keep your distance and stay behind the wall of NC. Otherwise you will get sucked right back in for another spin of hell. You don't need that my friend. You know how the end will play out again. Her change of M.O. is her trying to fool herself into thinking it will work.

[Moonie75]

Moonie

It probably won't last long. Be ready for the recycle attempt. If you can't resist be sure to set boundaries you can live with. If she is not willing to do this from the beginning, RUN!

Thank you Waifed.

My father told me something on the phone yesterday (my family are four hours away due to me moving to be with the BPDex). He told me this... . "Moonie on your last trip home me & the rest of the family noticed the twinkle in your eye isn't there anymore! You always had that twinkle even as a baby. More than any of our other four kids or me & your mum. You got it from your granddad, your mums dad. He had that twinkle, he was the entertainer, the fun man, the man made everyone feel great while he was around."

I nearly dropped the phone! My dad's not one for talking from the heart or saying that kind of stuff. And soon as it was said I remembered how often people used to say about a twinkle in my eye, or how I made people feel good!

Then the realization came that nobody says that anymore! It's been so long I'd forgotten it used to get said at all, let alone so often!

So my boundary is, she took the 'twinkle' out of Moonie's eye... . It will come back. If I ever take her back my twinkle dies again! She can keep the materialistic cr@p and be on her way. But she's NOT taking the twinkle out of my eye again! My granddad was a hell of a man & a little tiny piece of him in my eye is worth all of her in somebody else s bed!

[Moonie75]

Crikey!

made myself cry! :'(

[Waifed]

Moonie

It probably won't last long. Be ready for the recycle attempt. If you can't resist be sure to set boundaries you can live with. If she is not willing to do this from the beginning, RUN!

Thank you Waifed.

My father told me something on the phone yesterday (my family are four hours away due to me moving to be with the BPDex). He told me this... . "Moonie on your last trip home me & the rest of the family noticed the twinkle in your eye isn't there anymore! You always had that twinkle even as a baby. More than any of our other four kids or me & your mum. You got it from your granddad, your mums dad. He had that twinkle, he was the entertainer, the fun man, the man made everyone feel great while he was around."

I nearly dropped the phone! My dad's not one for talking from the heart or saying that kind of stuff. And soon as it was said I remembered how often people used to say about a twinkle in my eye, or how I made people feel good!

Then the realization came that nobody says that anymore! It's been so long I'd forgotten it used to get said at all, let alone so often!

So my boundary is, she took the 'twinkle' out of Moonie's eye... . It will come back. If I ever take her back my twinkle dies again! She can keep the materialistic cr@p and be on her way. But she's NOT taking the twinkle out of my eye again! My granddad was a hell of a man & a little tiny piece of him in my eye is worth all of her in somebody else s bed!

Your dad said that because he is concerned about you and loves you.

She has sucked up your heart and soul. You will get your identity back once your depression lifts. It is so difficult in this state to remember that we must be kind to ourselves. Rejecting them in favor of protecting ourselves goes against our hearts but is necessary to save our souls.

[Moonie75]

Iwalk,

Yes the still wanting me to take the xmas gifts after we split really threw me into questioning things. And also yes you're right that when they're running around devaluing you & firing venom filled txt's at you, they do make it easier (although not easier) to see their colors!

Ironman,

I've been NC since the split, rejected her attempts to give me gifts, and have made a point of not discussing her outside of the safety of this AMAZING bpdfamily community. (with the exception of one txt acknowledging the childrens gratitude for their present from me. That txt only mentioned the children & ignored her & the friendly gestures in her txt to me on the matter). NC was resumed straight after my txt which only had four words.

The change of M.O is unsettling, but won't fool me! I know about the boy she's keeping quiet about!